U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-11-2013, 02:34 PM
 
157 posts, read 218,521 times
Reputation: 86

Advertisements

So a guy asked me out for drinks. I know him from work. Although we don't work in the same department, I still need to see him from time to time and interact with him about a few times a week. This was why I couldn't say no to him when he asked. I was thinking that I'll just "see" and "response" to him as a friend when we go out.

Anyhow, I am new here. I have only worked here for a few weeks. The guy is moving too fast for me and instead of making me feel attractive to him, it makes me feel disgusted. I am turned off. Plus I am not into him. I am not attracted to him.

I am sure other women may find him attractive, but not me. This is to say that he's not ugly. I just can't imagine kissing the guy and feel repulsed by it. The problem is he is so freaking nice.

I am not sure of how to say no without ruining the relationship that I currently have.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-11-2013, 02:39 PM
 
581 posts, read 1,071,852 times
Reputation: 340
Come up with a lie as why u cant date him if you dont want to hurt his feelings by saying you simply not interested. whats so hard in that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2013, 02:43 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,905 posts, read 12,665,377 times
Reputation: 31036
Tell him you like him but at this point, you are too busy with the new job and your friends, you don't have time to go out and make new FRIENDS.

That is nice and not insulting but he will get the hint.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2013, 02:48 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,782 posts, read 69,692,642 times
Reputation: 75502
If he's moving too fast for you, tell him that. Tell him what you told us; that he's very nice, but he's moving too fast, and you're uncomfortable with that, so you want to call it off. Heaven forbid people should actually tell the truth! Sounds like this guy needs to hear it, actually.

btw, I'm not sure one can be "nice", and be "moving too fast" at the same time. Those seem to contradict each other.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-11-2013 at 03:15 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2013, 02:51 PM
 
2,764 posts, read 4,115,941 times
Reputation: 2977
Even easier, use the,
"I'm not ready to date anyone right now."

If he asked why, then use what the above poster said, busy with new job, and friends.

That way if you do befriend someone else, he doesn't take it personally that you 'dont have time for new friends'.

This guy knows what he is doing. And since you are 'nice', this will be difficult.
You can he nice without saying "yes" to him. Be nice, just tell him "no thanks" instead.

Again, this guys knows what he is doing. And actually, sometimes these situations get out of control because the woman is worried about conflict on the new job. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of dating him, reject him.
You can always use the "I don't mix work with personal" excuse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2013, 02:55 PM
 
204 posts, read 276,066 times
Reputation: 143
tell him you dig chicks
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2013, 03:00 PM
 
157 posts, read 218,521 times
Reputation: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by kingkong30 View Post
tell him you dig chicks

LoL love your response!



Anyhow, thanks everyone. Your responses make me feel I am the naive one. Yup! The guy prob knows what he's doing. A damn good player!!!!! It's disturbing how someone can appear so nice knows how to play the game that I have not mastered yet!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2013, 03:02 PM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
7,352 posts, read 12,873,400 times
Reputation: 30784
I've got an interesting idea. Tell him the truth.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2013, 03:30 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,904,713 times
Reputation: 62014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimi85 View Post
So a guy asked me out for drinks. I know him from work. Although we don't work in the same department, I still need to see him from time to time and interact with him about a few times a week. This was why I couldn't say no to him when he asked. I was thinking that I'll just "see" and "response" to him as a friend when we go out.

Anyhow, I am new here. I have only worked here for a few weeks. The guy is moving too fast for me and instead of making me feel attractive to him, it makes me feel disgusted. I am turned off. Plus I am not into him. I am not attracted to him.

I am sure other women may find him attractive, but not me. This is to say that he's not ugly. I just can't imagine kissing the guy and feel repulsed by it. The problem is he is so freaking nice.

I am not sure of how to say no without ruining the relationship that I currently have.

You can say no when it is someone you work with directly or indirectly and you don't even have to lie, you just chose not to say no.
All you have to do is thank them for their flattering offer however, you do NOT mix business with pleasure which means you do not date anyone who works for or otherwise has business dealings with your company.

Since you did go out with the guy you are more than likely going to have a very awkward situation on your hands in the future if/when you tell him you are not interested. All of this could have been avoided had you been honest in the first place and either told him you do not mix business with pleasure or you were/are not attracted to him romantically.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2013, 03:31 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA
181 posts, read 165,554 times
Reputation: 208
Happened to me recently, told the guy I am not interested to date anyone at work (in an email), he totally backed off.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top