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Old 11-12-2013, 09:35 AM
 
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They need to know about reality. No details just general. They will learn it sooner or later anyway and feel cheated that they were misled.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
They need to know about reality. No details just general. They will learn it sooner or later anyway and feel cheated that they were misled.
So even if you want them to maintain a relationship with the spouse that cheated, you would tell them what really happened regardles of their age?
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Philosophizer View Post
This is going to be a good one folks!
This! Just taking my seat and handing out popcorn to all.

These types of threads are funny everyone will come here and talk about a cheater in their lives but of course no one on CD is actually the cheater!
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:45 AM
 
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No, I don't. Parents should do everything they can to avoid trash-talking the child's other parent, unless said parent is at risk of harming the child due to past abusive behavior or addiction.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:19 AM
 
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I think everyone is entitled to handle this type of situation in the way that makes most sense to them. I don't believe there is a right or wrong way to handle it. If I were in this situation, I would make sure my kids were old enough to be able to understand it and tell them what took place in general terms. Im always a big fan of the truth, over made up reasoning in order to spare someones feelings. One thing I would advise anyone against, is telling your kids the details, solely because you want to turn them against the wayward spouse or because of resentment.

And to the poster who said that cheating can somehow be justified by the betrayed spouse not being a good wife or a husband, I completely disagree. If youre in a crappy marriage, chances are the fault belongs to both partners. But whne one steps out and decides to cheat, its 100% their fault.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne View Post
No, I don't. Parents should do everything they can to avoid trash-talking the child's other parent, unless said parent is at risk of harming the child due to past abusive behavior or addiction.
Truth cannot be considered trash talking. Truth is nothing but the truth.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by trist3616 View Post
So even if you want them to maintain a relationship with the spouse that cheated, you would tell them what really happened regardles of their age?
No, not regardless of their age. They would have to be old enough to comprehend and handle such things. And yes I'd want them to maintain a relationship with the spouse that cheated. I'm sure they would, if they loved that parent. Parents aren't perfect and relationships are still maintained all the time.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
Truth cannot be considered trash talking. Truth is nothing but the truth.

Point taken, but I don't think children need to know entire truths about their parents relationship. Forcing them to pick a side, intentionally or not, is transferring your own anger onto your kids. Not cool, IMO.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Petticoat Junction
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The truth doesn't "force" anyone to "pick a side." The truth is just the truth. The teller is not responsible for how it is used, twisted, etc later on.

Kids are much smarter than you think...if you don't tell them, they will assume THEY did it. The worst reason they can have for their parents' breakup is that its THEM, so if the (painful) truth is that one parent was unfaithful, its better that the kid(s) know rataher than think THEY are to blame.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:52 AM
 
Location: NY
9,009 posts, read 14,215,663 times
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I am not against the child knowing what is appropriate for their age and level of understanding.

The question is, how do you tell your child that you and their other parent split or divorced due to the other parent "cheating" without encouraging the child to make a negative judgement on the other parent. Just using the term "cheater" labels that parent as having done something underhanded.

It certainly is not an easy situation with which to handle.
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