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He did say in the first paragraph that a summary was at the end.
Thanks Julia. The summary is so short though and doesn't mention things written within the OP so I don't know if one can give accurate advice just based on that summary alone without addressing all the other things mentioned in the OP.
Thanks Julia. The summary is so short though and doesn't mention things written within the OP so I don't know if one can give accurate advice just based on that summary alone without addressing all the other things mentioned in the OP.
True. The summary doesn't mention that she tried cocaine, he freaked and told her mom, and she is angry and humiliated about it.
At the risk of offending both the OP and other respondents, I offer this advice: the OP should call the girlfriend's mom - NOT the girlfriend. Explain to the mom that he regards himself as a positive influence on the girlfriend, as somebody more mature and conscientious. There may or may not be a continuation of romance, but the OP should suggest to the mom his spending Thanksgiving with the family. It's her house, not the girlfriend's house. The OP would be the family's guest, not the girlfriend's guest. If the mother declines the offer, that essentially ends the relationship right there. If she acquiesces, not only does that keep options open, but also allows the OP to approach his girlfriend from a vetted position of respect, as opposed to begging.
True. The summary doesn't mention that she tried cocaine, he freaked and told her mom, and she is angry and humiliated about it.
I had to go back and look for that information. Here it is:
Quote:
Originally Posted by bruins49
So, this past Saturday was my friends birthday, so we went out to a few bars in the city to celebrate. I was pretty drunk, but when I got back I wanted to Skype her. She had been at a party at that guys's house again. We went on Skype, everything appeared as normal. But when I logged on, almost immediately she mentioned doing something bad. She didn't seem like was scared/worried about what she did though. I tried to get it out of her, and finally she told me: while she was drunk she had snorted coke (once).
Like I mentioned earlier, I wasn't thrilled about her smoking weed but accepted it. But to me, this was way too far. And maybe because I have a temper, or maybe because I was drunk, I got really mad. I was swearing, calling her out, and saying some horrible ****. But at the same time I was worried about her. She had seemingly become so addicted to drinking she was doing dumb things. I didn't know what to do, and maybe it was the wrong choice, but I had to tell her parents (she had a history of making bad decisions/mental health, and I knew one of her ex's told her mom about something once which ended up saving her life). So I did, despite her begging me not to. You can think what you want, but I felt her mom deserved to know especially with what might happen.
She did some good, old-fashioned college experimentation and you went and narked to her mother?
Are you kidding?
You don't want a girlfriend. You want a pet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
At the risk of offending both the OP and other respondents, I offer this advice: the OP should call the girlfriend's mom - NOT the girlfriend. Explain to the mom that he regards himself as a positive influence on the girlfriend, as somebody more mature and conscientious. There may or may not be a continuation of romance, but the OP should suggest to the mom his spending Thanksgiving with the family. It's her house, not the girlfriend's house. The OP would be the family's guest, not the girlfriend's guest. If the mother declines the offer, that essentially ends the relationship right there. If she acquiesces, not only does that keep options open, but also allows the OP to approach his girlfriend from a vetted position of respect, as opposed to begging.
That has got to be the most ludicrous thing I've read on here all year, and this year has been a doozy for ridiculousness.
If I had a daughter, and her ex-boyfriend, a college-age guy, called me up with that, I'd think he was the biggest, most self-important, most presumptuous, most paternalistic know-it-all douchebag in America. I would tell him I will be the judge of who is a positive influence on my daughter, remind him in no uncertain terms that she already has a father and doesn't need another one, and ask him who the hell he thinks he is asking me to make her uncomfortable with his presence on a major holiday. In fact, I would not want my daughter with a guy who not only has the consummate ego and presumption required to suggest such a thing about himself and my daughter, but is also not enough of a grown-up to keep his relationship with her their business.
And do you REALLY think the young woman in question would take kindly to the OP doing as you suggest? If my mother told me that an ex-boyfriend tried to manipulate her that way, I'd never speak to him again.
The audacity required even for suggesting such an action is disgusting. Absolutely, positively, revolting. "Offensive" is right.
Young man, I have dated similar women. When a young woman is single and attractive she has her pick of young men. This one is playing the field as we used to say, and having fun. She does not want to settle on one guy, and from what I've seen of women like this, they may never settle on one guy, cause there's always a new one coming along. One woman I dated like this got married, divorced, then took up with a HS boyfriend, broke up his marriage, then dumped him, and went on to another. Let her go and find someone emotionally stable without hotpants.
Oh, and another thing for the OP: You were drunk and you were calling her out on her drinking?
You do realize that becoming verbally abusive while under the influence is a sign that you can't handle your liquor, right?
And that alcohol tends to be a truth serum in that regard? You said you have a bad temper. If that is what you are like when you are drunk, you need not to drink.
You also need anger management courses. Making excuses for your lousy behavior and the rotten things you said are classic signs of a man on the path toward domestic violence.
Ive always wondered why people feel the need to write volumes to describe something that should be understandable in a paragraph or two. No one can read these things. Theres more posts on here on the unreadability on the post than on the contents of the post itself.
Ive always wondered why people feel the need to write volumes to describe something that should be understandable in a paragraph or two. No one can read these things. Theres more posts on here on the unreadability on the post than on the contents of the post itself.
And then get bent when people actually read through said tomes and say something they don't like. Bottom line is that if you (in the general sense) put your business on the Internet, you don't get to control the advice you're given in response. If all you want is a hankie and a pat on the shoulder, write a blog.
At the risk of offending both the OP and other respondents, I offer this advice: the OP should call the girlfriend's mom - NOT the girlfriend. Explain to the mom that he regards himself as a positive influence on the girlfriend, as somebody more mature and conscientious. There may or may not be a continuation of romance, but the OP should suggest to the mom his spending Thanksgiving with the family. It's her house, not the girlfriend's house. The OP would be the family's guest, not the girlfriend's guest. If the mother declines the offer, that essentially ends the relationship right there. If she acquiesces, not only does that keep options open, but also allows the OP to approach his girlfriend from a vetted position of respect, as opposed to begging.
I like this. It has all the makings of the plot of a romantic comedy especially if the ex bf gets invited over. I think a studio should pick this up.
Getting back together is the least of your concern. Your bigger concern is the fact that you seek so much happiness externally and from a significant other, you make that person 'your world' and whether you are filled with joy or sad is all down to that person. You need to learn to look within, not without.
What you have here is quite the cliche, a young girl who is in her experimental stage, she wants to play the field and the chances are, she has done so. It is very likely she has slept with that guy you are jealous of and others, the coke she snorted is potentially just the tip of the iceberg and lots more. You are wasting your time with this one, she is mentally unstable and already on her way to riding the carousel and will not stop until she is older and with less options.
The reason why she is reluctant to let you go is partly because she enjoys the worshipping you throw her way, perhaps she likes to have a fall back guy in case others don't work out, she has all of the control and you are addicted to drama. Your self esteem is also in question, her lack of it is not the answer.
Good luck, I know you will expend a huge amount of emotional energy, time, tears and automatic behaviour in pursuing this and perhaps you will look back one day wondering why you didn't just go your own way.
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Pot, meet Kettle.
