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Old 11-14-2013, 08:22 AM
 
6,529 posts, read 7,083,794 times
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so their is this girl I had a date with nearly two 0months ago , I liked her right away but she told me ten days later she wasn't over a breakup and was taking to the sidelines for a while , my gut instinct is that shes really not into me physically anyway but we have had coffee in a non romantic capacity since she gave me this ( not over last guy ) speech and we got on very well

she emails me at least once a week to chit chat about this and that , usually short friendly emails , last day we met for coffee in a platonic fashion , she sent me a text three hours later to say " it was lovely catching up "

so heres the thing , would their be sense in asking her to give things a go again , I sort of like this other lady ( who im actually having dinner with tonite ) but not the way I think about this other girl who on the face of it looks like she friendzoned me

I sort of think that if I get serious with this other woman , I will have to end my friendship with girl number one anyway and if she sort of flakes out and refuses to say whether a relationship is on the cards , its evidence that im better off without her anyway

so to conclude

would a girl who went on a date with someone , only to tell them they were resigning from dating for a while , only to then keep in contact and meet up for coffee a month after ( im quitting dating ) speech be in reality likely to want more than friendship , Im thinking a girl wouldn't maintain communication with a former date unless she felt something or unless it was out of pity

girl im sort of seeing presently is way more straightforward and easy to read

if my post is all mixed up its because this woman has my head in a spin
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Old 11-14-2013, 08:29 AM
 
1,186 posts, read 966,855 times
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What is the ultimatum exactly? Put out or get out?
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Old 11-14-2013, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,411 posts, read 40,747,649 times
Reputation: 24624
So you like her but feel she doesn't like you, but you're not sure?
But have another gal that likes you?
Me thinks you are attracted to the one that is hard to get.
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Old 11-14-2013, 08:56 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,778 posts, read 2,028,750 times
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#1 rule- listen to when you are spoken to and pick up on clues. Don't get into the business of training women- meaning, don't try to work the girl from a shifty ex bf situation and hope that she comes around you way. She told you specifically that she wanted to side line it and there was someone else in the picture. It doesn't matter that she emails you or texts you. She is in between and she is having her way trying to decide on her own time while your head is spinning... Don't try to train her.

#2.5 rule- beat feet as soon as there is talk about an ex or trying to work things out. Being the fall guy is not being in control.

#3 rule- occupy your spare time and meet other women and stop driving yourself insane. You are too available. Let her know that you are going to be going on a date. If she starts to talk slick at the mouth, then challenge her and ask her what she wants to do.
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Old 11-14-2013, 09:02 AM
 
2,766 posts, read 3,793,446 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
#1 rule- listen to when you are spoken to and pick up on clues. Don't get into the business of training women- meaning, don't try to work the girl from a shifty ex bf situation and hope that she comes around you way. She told you specifically that she wanted to side line it and there was someone else in the picture. It doesn't matter that she emails you or texts you. She is in between and she is having her way trying to decide on her own time while your head is spinning... Don't try to train her.

#2.5 rule- beat feet as soon as there is talk about an ex or trying to work things out. Being the fall guy is not being in control.

#3 rule- occupy your spare time and meet other women and stop driving yourself insane. You are too available. Let her know that you are going to be going on a date. If she starts to talk slick at the mouth, then challenge her and ask her what she wants to do.
These are decent rules.
OP, But don't give woman one an ultimatum.

But don't invest anything there either. Sounds like you two are friends. Nothing wrong with that. Not sure why a friendship should end cause you get serious with someone else. As long as you keep it in your pants, being friends with woman one should be ok.
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Old 11-14-2013, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,264 posts, read 83,848,848 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irish_bob View Post
so their is this girl I had a date with nearly two 0months ago , I liked her right away but she told me ten days later she wasn't over a breakup and was taking to the sidelines for a while , my gut instinct is that shes really not into me physically anyway but we have had coffee in a non romantic capacity since she gave me this ( not over last guy ) speech and we got on very well

she emails me at least once a week to chit chat about this and that , usually short friendly emails , last day we met for coffee in a platonic fashion , she sent me a text three hours later to say " it was lovely catching up "

so heres the thing , would their be sense in asking her to give things a go again , I sort of like this other lady ( who im actually having dinner with tonite ) but not the way I think about this other girl who on the face of it looks like she friendzoned me

I sort of think that if I get serious with this other woman , I will have to end my friendship with girl number one anyway and if she sort of flakes out and refuses to say whether a relationship is on the cards , its evidence that im better off without her anyway

so to conclude

would a girl who went on a date with someone , only to tell them they were resigning from dating for a while , only to then keep in contact and meet up for coffee a month after ( im quitting dating ) speech be in reality likely to want more than friendship , Im thinking a girl wouldn't maintain communication with a former date unless she felt something or unless it was out of pity

girl im sort of seeing presently is way more straightforward and easy to read

if my post is all mixed up its because this woman has my head in a spin


THERE, not THEIR.

PLEASE

Old date is confused, not sure what she wants so she's keeping in contact with you to feed her ego while she decides.

New date is "more straightforward and easy to read".

The right choice here is pretty obvious, and it does not involve a single "ultimatum".
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Old 11-14-2013, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 2,913,470 times
Reputation: 3316
1st date is keeping you on the backburner while in the process friendzoning you.

I would concentrate on the 2nd date, try to smash then dash. The situation is not completely lost and you can salvage some play out of this.
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Old 11-14-2013, 10:46 AM
 
643 posts, read 686,076 times
Reputation: 598
she not into you sexually. You trying too hard. Move on
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Old 11-14-2013, 10:46 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 43,849,602 times
Reputation: 45686
Ultimatums are for idiots. Instead, take control of matters. Just walk away from #1. Be nice, be cordial, but be disciplined about it. If she asks why, tell her how you feel. Then let her think about matters for a few months.
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Old 11-14-2013, 01:14 PM
 
14,619 posts, read 12,373,103 times
Reputation: 31436
You should definitely give her an ultimatum. DATE ME OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!

Also while you are at it, give the same ultimatum to the lady on your date tonight. Might as well get the awkwardness out of the way immediately.
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