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I'm middle-aged and my live-in boyfriend of 25 years is elderly. I the past 2 years, his hearing has faded. I mention his age group because it's common for elderly to lose some hearing. But these days, I'm so sick and tired of always having to repeat myself to him! It's easier not to talk to him at all. It takes enough effort just to talk to someone once - and I do not have a soft voice, I don't mumble, in fact, I suspect it carries - so when he replies with "Huh?", I shout, "GET A F***IN HEARING AID, DAMNIT!". Then, he gets mad at me for getting mad, and we fight. It didn't used to be like this, and am seriously considering getting out. We haven't been getting along in the past 3 years anyway due to his grouchiness and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I talk to him, so he shuts me down, and I find it much easier to converse with well, everyone else!
If any of you were in such a situation, except the only problem being having to repeat yourself to them all the time and their stubbornness to get a free hearing check, would you end it?
Have any of you been in such a situation, be it with a partner, relative or friend, and found it so frustrating to deal with them?
BTW, I'm not trying to put down those who are already hearing-impaired. I feel for them, and becoming involved with them, you'd know what you were getting into going in. I'm only refering to those who've slowly but surely lost their hearing over the course of the relationship.
Have you had a serious talk to him about getting a hearing aid? I don't mean yelling it at him in anger - but telling him how hard it has been on you and that it's not a big deal that he's losing his hearing as long as he does something about it? My father started losing his hearing at 16 and it got progressively worse. It was hereditary. By the time he passed away at 54, he only had 10% of his hearing in both ears. He had hearing aids, which he always kept very up to date, and he was really good at reading lips. It could be tough sometimes but he made the effort because it was important to him. The thing with it being age related is that it's not just that you are losing your hearing - but you are losing your hearing because you are getting old. It's always hard to accept one's mortality.
Have you had a serious talk to him about getting a hearing aid? I don't mean yelling it at him in anger - but telling him how hard it has been on you and that it's not a big deal that he's losing his hearing as long as he does something about it? My father started losing his hearing at 16 and it got progressively worse. It was hereditary. By the time he passed away at 54, he only had 10% of his hearing in both ears. He had hearing aids, which he always kept very up to date, and he was really good at reading lips. It could be tough sometimes but he made the effort because it was important to him. The thing with it being age related is that it's not just that you are losing your hearing - but you are losing your hearing because you are getting old. It's always hard to accept one's mortality.
I'm middle-aged and my live-in boyfriend of 25 years is elderly. I the past 2 years, his hearing has faded. I mention his age group because it's common for elderly to lose some hearing. But these days, I'm so sick and tired of always having to repeat myself to him! It's easier not to talk to him at all. It takes enough effort just to talk to someone once - and I do not have a soft voice, I don't mumble, in fact, I suspect it carries - so when he replies with "Huh?", I shout, "GET A F***IN HEARING AID, DAMNIT!". Then, he gets mad at me for getting mad, and we fight. It didn't used to be like this, and am seriously considering getting out. We haven't been getting along in the past 3 years anyway due to his grouchiness and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I talk to him, so he shuts me down, and I find it much easier to converse with well, everyone else!
If any of you were in such a situation, except the only problem being having to repeat yourself to them all the time and their stubbornness to get a free hearing check, would you end it?
Have any of you been in such a situation, be it with a partner, relative or friend, and found it so frustrating to deal with them?
BTW, I'm not trying to put down those who are already hearing-impaired. I feel for them, and becoming involved with them, you'd know what you were getting into going in. I'm only refering to those who've slowly but surely lost their hearing over the course of the relationship.
check out this article
Even among the enlightened, hearing aids still carry a stigma. “Men think, ‘It’s a sign of weakness,’ and women think, ‘It’s showing my age,’ ” said Dr. Hagberg. Anyone over 60 remembers when the words “deaf and dumb” were always uttered together – and “dumb” was not used to mean “mute.”
Have you had a serious talk to him about getting a hearing aid? I don't mean yelling it at him in anger - but telling him how hard it has been on you and that it's not a big deal that he's losing his hearing as long as he does something about it? My father started losing his hearing at 16 and it got progressively worse. It was hereditary. By the time he passed away at 54, he only had 10% of his hearing in both ears. He had hearing aids, which he always kept very up to date, and he was really good at reading lips. It could be tough sometimes but he made the effort because it was important to him. The thing with it being age related is that it's not just that you are losing your hearing - but you are losing your hearing because you are getting old. It's always hard to accept one's mortality.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I suspect it may have to do with vanity about a hearing aid being a sign of being old. I have mentioned to him those free hearing tests. Maybe one of these days while we're already out and about, I could try to steer him into one of those places. We get ads in the mail for this stuff too, and I've tried pointing those out to him. I had one of those tests myself at Costco several years back (I went with someone else, but I'm not a member). He's a member at Sam's...I'll have to check to see if they offer it. Even if he doesn't buy a hearing aid, there's no reason for him not to get a free screening - no commitment. He even got some mail from one of the Medicare providers during the open enrollment period showing how their plan has some coverage for hearing aids. We read it together and I pointed to that part and said how great that was because no other plans provided any coverage for them. He was more excited about how it said $0 copays for doctor visits vs. the $5 that he pays now for the very rare few times he's gone to the doctor. (And the accepting morality part that you mentioned has a lot to do with his grumpiness as he's even admitted whenever I've asked why he has to be so crabby all the time. He used to treat me like a queen before that).
We live in a retirement home and I've had to deal with certain people at the clubhouse like this. You talk to them, only to have to repeat yourself. I wish I had the nerve to tell them to wear their hearing aids. I suppose I could just ask, "Have you considered hearing aids?" One woman admitted lately that the batteries for her hearing aid need to be replaced. I see everyone having to repeat themselves to her. I don't know why she doesn't just take care of it already.
And I won't get started on how loud he (as well as most of our neighbors) have the TV.
Last edited by temazepam; 11-14-2013 at 07:34 PM..
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