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Does it sadden you and make you feel lonely when almost all the people you know in your life either at your own age or younger than you have got married with kids and are seemingly enjoying lovely domestic bliss while you’re still absolutely alone?
Although my being alone is due not to my own choosing but to my long term chronic illness, I can’t help but feel a bit of regret, self-pity and even envy when I get to meet people I know from the past and see them having a lovely family and a happy ilfe. It arouses in me a mixture of sad emotions that I find positively unbearable. It makes me feel almost ashamed of myself and want to get away from them badly.
Are you in a similar situation and feel the same way as I do? Does it sadden you and make you feel lonely in that kind of situation or am I alone in this? Is there any consolation, I wonder?
I am a "gay widower", in that I had a long term relationship (22 years) and my partner passed 4 years ago (well, now a little over, since it was in October).
So this is a bit different, but seeing people on FB from my past (like former HS classmates) and how they ended up vs me, it is jarring. Not really a sense of regret but more a sense that they have the normal life & I do not.
I do feel a bit cheated/saddned by all this gay marriage stuff, since I missed out on this with my partner passing. Thinking we could have finally got legally married (not in Ohio, but in another state). We would have been a poster-couple for that since we "made it work" against a lot of odds and pressure to split.
So I feel especially sad and alone and left-out when I read/see stuff on this gay marriage issue or see gay couples in the media, or out and about in real life.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Not at all. Though, lots of my friends are unmarried (never want to be married), and many more were married in their 20s and are now divorced in their 40s. I know a few that are blissful in married life, but only a few have children, the ones without children seem happier with their lives (though they adore their children).
I'm not really envious of others and I am not the type to get lonely. Lots of things (like travelling) I prefer to do alone and sex is always there with like minded people if that is what you want. There are the rare times, such as the holidays coming up, that make me wish I had more of an urban tribe like some of them do, but most of the time socializing is exhausting.
Does it sadden you and make you feel lonely when almost all the people you know in your life either at your own age or younger than you have got married with kids and are seemingly enjoying lovely domestic bliss while you’re still absolutely alone?
Although my being alone is due not to my own choosing but to my long term chronic illness, I can’t help but feel a bit of regret, self-pity and even envy when I get to meet people I know from the past and see them having a lovely family and a happy ilfe. It arouses in me a mixture of sad emotions that I find positively unbearable. It makes me feel almost ashamed of myself and want to get away from them badly.
Are you in a similar situation and feel the same way as I do? Does it sadden you and make you feel lonely in that kind of situation or am I alone in this?Is there any consolation, I wonder?
What is "domestic bliss" to you others will not see it that way. I do not wish to offend anyone but my list of reasons for not wanting children is long. Simply put I could never relate to that lifestyle.
My being alone is mostly due to me being shy. I never felt "ashamed of myself" for me being alone because of it. Instead I just deal with it and try to be a best friend to myself. I go out alone quite often which includes buying single tickets to concerts and sporting events. You have to like yourself in order to go out alone and have a good time so I suggest you work on that if you can.
It sounds to me you are depressed. Maybe a qualified therapist can help. Or if possible, change your attitude and stop feeling sorry for yourself because that is not normal.
I can see where your situation would make someone sad. However, there are times when we really need to look at and be thankful for the things we do have, and not be sad of the things we do not have.
Sorry that your situation is not fully by your choosing and that you wish for something different.
Does it sadden you and make you feel lonely when almost all the people you know in your life either at your own age or younger than you have got married with kids and are seemingly enjoying lovely domestic bliss while you’re still absolutely alone?
Although my being alone is due not to my own choosing but to my long term chronic illness, I can’t help but feel a bit of regret, self-pity and even envy when I get to meet people I know from the past and see them having a lovely family and a happy ilfe. It arouses in me a mixture of sad emotions that I find positively unbearable. It makes me feel almost ashamed of myself and want to get away from them badly.
Are you in a similar situation and feel the same way as I do? Does it sadden you and make you feel lonely in that kind of situation or am I alone in this? Is there any consolation, I wonder?
Loneliness comes from within and cannot be solved by an external source of comfort or companion. This is why people can and often are still very lonely when married or in a room full of people. The domestic bliss you mention sounds more like a projection from society that has been filtered through an ideal, similar to things propagated by Disney and word of mouth like Chinese whispers. It is rarely the truth, for the beautiful and shiny door of domestic bliss can open up revealing a bitter dark and lonely house devoid of love, understanding and emotion.
Hopefully, and I am sure this is the case sometimes, many are happy and in domestic bliss but in my opinion happiness is not determined by anything other than yourself. If you feel ashamed, it is likely in relation to the norms of society that you have not followed. I know many who don't even know why they have a partner, got married or why they have children. They followed a predictable programming of society, they became anxious at the age of 30+ and then settled down with the kids, wife and other things. I asked a person who recently got married, his response did not mention love, it was along the lines of 'Ive had my fun, time to settle down'.
I believe one must ask themselves this, if society didn't ostracize the single or unmarried, if the media didn't constantly send the message that being with another or in a couple makes you better, if people didn't call others losers for being alone or unmarried and if there was absolutely no programming or pressure from anyone about the path you should take in life, do you think you would still feel or think this way?
I recommend you read this book 'Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto', in fact I recommend everyone read that book, it's a breath of fresh air. You can buy it here http://tinyurl.com/os6sdt4 or on amazon.com
Not really. I've never had a SO or much success with the opposite sex, but this is something I've been working & I can see gradually better results in the last few months. But as I've always "been on my own" I don't know anything different. I can quite happily amuse myself on my own, have a night in and have a great time by myself.
The only time I feel slightly lonely is when attending a social event & my friends all turn up with their SO & I'm on my tod. But other than that I've never felt lonely, more frustrated really. Ask me in 10 years time when I'm in my 40's - I'm sure if things are still the same my answer will be quite different.
Does it sadden you and make you feel lonely when almost all the people you know in your life either at your own age or younger than you have got married with kids and are seemingly enjoying lovely domestic bliss while you’re still absolutely alone?
Although my being alone is due not to my own choosing but to my long term chronic illness, I can’t help but feel a bit of regret, self-pity and even envy when I get to meet people I know from the past and see them having a lovely family and a happy ilfe. It arouses in me a mixture of sad emotions that I find positively unbearable. It makes me feel almost ashamed of myself and want to get away from them badly.
Are you in a similar situation and feel the same way as I do? Does it sadden you and make you feel lonely in that kind of situation or am I alone in this? Is there any consolation, I wonder?
Well yes and no. Things like this can make you feel lonely if you think about it. Honestly, I probably experience those same feelings but I seem to handle those feelings and resolve them before I realize I have it.
One thing that helps ironically is to meet new people. Also, appreciate whatever relationships you actually do have. YOu'd be amazed how close friendships can get.
I just turn to the divorce courts and the rising number of single moms or never married moms who look my way now as all the evidence I need that I'm not missing out on the institution of marriage or relaionships with these women.
I'd rather be a teacher, friend and coach to the children from these broken families without any parental influence Some of them need a big brother or a strong male influence in their lives because their parents made such poor choices.
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