what is it about chivalry? (marry, male, husbands, too young)
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I usually hold doors open for women (or men for that matter) for politeness. I do it because it's an easy thing to do, and doesn't require putting much thought into. I don't do it because I think all of a sudden a woman is going to immediately want to date me. However, that's as chivalrous as I get. I've never had a girlfriend, so all the other things really don't apply. And if I actually knew a woman was going to expect me to hold the door open for her, than that would be a woman I'd want to avoid being with romantically anyways.
I do have a question for some of the ladies responding to the OP though. When you want or are expecting chivalry, is it from husbands or boyfriends, or just random guys on the street? I can see how some guys who never get any attention from women would think it's a waste of time to be chivalrous. What do those single guys get in return? Maybe a thank you, and then you continue to get ignored by them anyway.
I do have a question for some of the ladies responding to the OP though. When you want or are expecting chivalry, is it from husbands or boyfriends, or just random guys on the street? I can see how some guys who never get any attention from women would think it's a waste of time to be chivalrous. What do those single guys get in return? Maybe a thank you, and then you continue to get ignored by them anyway.
I hold doors open for guys at work almost everyday. I don't expect anything in return. During our last dept meeting I grabbed a case of water that was left over, and walked it over two buildings, instead of allowing one of the guys to do it. If people are going to get mad about doing what amounts to small favors for people, then they shouldn't do it.
I do have a question for some of the ladies responding to the OP though. When you want or are expecting chivalry, is it from husbands or boyfriends, or just random guys on the street? I can see how some guys who never get any attention from women would think it's a waste of time to be chivalrous. What do those single guys get in return? Maybe a thank you, and then you continue to get ignored by them anyway.
I don't "expect" anything from "random guys on the street". I do hope for politeness, from all people, no matter the gender. I am polite, and yes, I do expect/hope for it in return.
But chivalry from a guy that is perhaps a candidate for dating is an indicator to me that this guy might be more interested in me as a person, more genuine. The "real deal".
"Most women I know are a little like that. We love our modern independence in life and in love, but deep down, we want guys to treat us like ladies. As women in their twenties will attest, it's become increasingly rare. Case in point: my friend gushingly told me the other day that a man had been ultra-polite. ("See that guy? He held the door for me ... Lik, awww!") Gentlemanly behavior sets our hearts aflutter. We want to see it, and many of us are waiting on it. "
I usually hold doors open for women (or men for that matter) for politeness. I do it because it's an easy thing to do, and doesn't require putting much thought into. I don't do it because I think all of a sudden a woman is going to immediately want to date me. However, that's as chivalrous as I get. I've never had a girlfriend, so all the other things really don't apply. And if I actually knew a woman was going to expect me to hold the door open for her, than that would be a woman I'd want to avoid being with romantically anyways.
I do have a question for some of the ladies responding to the OP though. When you want or are expecting chivalry, is it from husbands or boyfriends, or just random guys on the street? I can see how some guys who never get any attention from women would think it's a waste of time to be chivalrous. What do those single guys get in return? Maybe a thank you, and then you continue to get ignored by them anyway.
I don't really expect it... it's just nice when it happens. Kind of like I don't expect someone to walk up to me and say, "that's a nice jacket" but when people do it, it's nice. And like others have said, I do it too out of politeness, for both men and women. I especially like to make sure I hold doors, elevators, etc for people carrying things because it's hard to do when their hands aren't free (and I like it when people do that for me).
I do kind of expect it from my boyfriend now, since he started it (before we were even dating) and it's normal behavior for him. I think he's the type of man who shows love though action more so than words. If he suddenly stopped, I would think something is wrong. I always thank him... maybe give him a kiss. Just like the way he thanks me or gives me a kiss for picking up his lunch or bringing him a fresh cup of coffee. Although once when I gave him a back rub it led to... well, more than a kiss. You put the dots together
I think I've posted on a thread about this same subject quite a while back, but I don't think of opening the door for my wife, walking on the outside, helping her with her coat, etc., as chivalry. To me, it 's respect. My brother and I were taught to open the door for our mother when we were very young. We came home from the store one afternoon and my brother and I ran off to play. Our dad had my mother sit in the car until he found us and we opened the door for her. My wife had never had anybody do that for her (third marriage) and it bothered her at first since she's been used to doing things for herself for so long. But after a while she realized why I was doing it and she said she really appreciates it. Said as far as she's concerned there doesn't need to be a door handle on her inside of her door. Not just the car door but I open any door we go through for her. I also do it for ladies at a store somewhere.
The two main things my dad taught us and I tried to teach my sons was opening the door and yes ma'am, no ma'am and sir. I'm proud to say they are both in their 20s now and still answer with ma'am and sir.
Guess I've been "chivalrous" for 57 years now and just thought I was showing them respect. All I know is as long as I have the strength to open the door for my wife, I'll keep doing it.
I hold doors open for guys at work almost everyday. I don't expect anything in return. During our last dept meeting I grabbed a case of water that was left over, and walked it over two buildings, instead of allowing one of the guys to do it. If people are going to get mad about doing what amounts to small favors for people, then they shouldn't do it.
Well there's my point really, and I guess I didn't explain myself fully. Holding a door open for someone shouldn't even be considered chivalry, rather politeness. It shouldn't be expected though either way. We live in a fast paced world where everyone always seems to be in a hurry. There shouldn't be an expectation that you'll benefit from holding doors open for someone, just as it shouldn't be something expected to happen for you either. At least though, you can pat yourself on the back for showing politeness by being kind to someone else even if it's only helping in a little way.
What you don't get is my husband gets special treatment too. And no, it's not because he has a penis, it's because we both treasure each other. Not something you will ever get. And really, that makes me sad for you, not mad at all.
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The meaning of chivalry in a relationship is completely different than the meaning of chivalry amongst strangers.
In a relationship, you give a little to get a little. It's completely normal.
In a public environment, holding the door for people you don't know places you at the back of the line.
I know it's a kind gesture, but if you ever been to Starbucks before you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
At Starbucks I always make sure I'm in first before I hold the door for anyone!
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