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Hi. This is my first post. I finally, after being a lurker for many years, decided to post.
I started a new job. I am professional, don't dress provocatively, don't flirt, nothing like that. There is a married guy who calls me for the most ridiculous things - things he could easily find himself... He's worked here for more than 8 years. Yesterday, he came to my office, dressed very professionally, but fishing for compliments on how he's was dressed...(really? Gimme a break) He delivered a document to me that he could have scanned via email. Anyway, he was about to ask me out, and I brought up his wife... So he dropped it all together.
What is it with these married men? I'm single, but I find it very insulting that a man would think I would go out with him if he's married. This isn't the first time this has happened to mean a work situation. I never will date a married man. I've seen first hand the consequences of that behavior. My dad left my mom for a girl he met on his job, who could be my sister. But that's another story for another time. Needless to say, I never want to anything like HER.
Please help me understand this. I'm looking for honesty. Why do married men do this? It scares me as a single woman. Will my future husband pull this crap? Any honest advice on how I can avoid this in the future would be appreciated.
Hi. This is my first post. I finally, after being a lurker for many years, decided to post.
I started a new job. I am professional, don't dress provocatively, don't flirt, nothing like that. There is a married guy who calls me for the most ridiculous things - things he could easily find himself... He's worked here for more than 8 years. Yesterday, he came to my office, dressed very professionally, but fishing for compliments on how he's was dressed...(really? Gimme a break) He delivered a document to me that he could have scanned via email. Anyway, he was about to ask me out, and I brought up his wife... So he dropped it all together.
What is it with these married men? I'm single, but I find it very insulting that a man would think I would go out with him if he's married. This isn't the first time this has happened to mean a work situation. I never will date a married man. I've seen first hand the consequences of that behavior. My dad left my mom for a girl he met on his job, who could be my sister. But that's another story for another time. Needless to say, I never want to anything like HER.
Please help me understand this. I'm looking for honesty. Why do married men do this? It scares me as a single woman. Will my future husband pull this crap? Any honest advice on how I can avoid this in the future would be appreciated.
Are you sure he was actually going to ask you out or are you just being full of yourself?
Even if he's being flirty (which I doubt) then he's probably just doing it for the hell of it. More likely he's just trying to be nice to the new girl (you) and you're reading into it too much.
Not all men are that way. What's your job title anyway? Are you the admin? Stop being paranoid for one thing. If you believe half the stuff written on this forum, you're likely to have the wrong impression.
Even if someone (next time it may be a woman) seems to be flirting with you, just be friendly but don't encourage anything except professional behavior. It's meant to be a compliment and usually is the way a fellow employee tries to get on your good side so they can rely on your assistance in the future.
You did ok, bringing up this jerks wife will give him pause in his game playing. There is no way to explain this other than some ppl are just jerks. You are on the right track...stay the course. Anyone that you get involved with in the future, should have the same moral conduct....seek that type person out. Good for you for being a good person!! PS...if this guy gets even worse and more obvious..a trip to HR might be in order.
I see there are a few blasting you and insulting you....You know the type...Hang in there.
He said to me, "are you hungry? I am... How about dinner?" I interrupted his next sentence by talking about his wife. He's talked about my eyes, my smile. He wanted to know if I'd be interested in doing a presentation with him out of state. I barely know my own job. I've been here for 6 weeks. I'm not reading too much into anything.
You did ok, bringing up this jerks wife will give him pause in his game playing. There is no way to explain this other than some ppl are just jerks. You are on the right track...stay the course. Anyone that you get involved with in the future, should have the same moral conduct....seek that type person out. Good for you for being a good person!! PS...if this guy gets even worse and more obvious..a trip to HR might be in order.
I see there are a few blasting you and insulting you....You know the type...Hang in there.
I don't think its to this point yet though.
If he was calling her cute, talking to her often outside of work, trying to get her number etc. then that's time to take some action and maybe a quick talk to him about how she feels about this would be in order. Otherwise I'd say its nothing to worry about.
Not all men are that way. What's your job title anyway? Are you the admin? Stop being paranoid for one thing. If you believe half the stuff written on this forum, you're likely to have the wrong impression.
Even if someone (next time it may be a woman) seems to be flirting with you, just be friendly but don't encourage anything except professional behavior. It's meant to be a compliment and usually is the way a fellow employee tries to get on your good side so they can rely on your assistance in the future.
Please help me understand this. I'm looking for honesty. Why do married men do this? It scares me as a single woman. Any honest advice on how I can avoid this in the future would be appreciated.
Why do married men do this? Some men just like to throw their line in the pond to see if they can get lucky. When new women come into their workplace or social sphere they're fair game to these types of men. These guys fail repeatedly, but even if they only score one time in a thousand, they consider it a win. When this happened to me the married man told me, "A guy's gotta try." You need to be very clear and firm with men like this by saying something like, "I will never go out with a married man. I saw how that behavior devastated my family." If you aren't firm or leave any opening they'll continue to pursue.
Will my future husband pull this crap? Not if you choose wisely. It is scary, but you've got this. Be firm and if that doesn't work tell him you will be going to hr to file a complaint if it happens again. That usually works. Best wishes and stay the course. There are lots of decent men out there who'd love to meet a nice woman with values and integrity.
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