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Old 11-20-2013, 12:22 AM
 
3,494 posts, read 4,663,468 times
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I'm childfree...and apparently in line with your past.
Hint.
Hint.
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Old 11-20-2013, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Outer Space
1,523 posts, read 3,894,926 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
Yeah, it surprised me, too . When I was kid, 40 seemed so old! I thought they would all have grownup kids.
One of the most noticeable things about my daughter's FD kindergarten orientation a few years ago was how old all the the other parents were. We had already hit 30, but most parents looked to be between 40-50. We had to have been the youngest parents there. I think I read that the biggest gains in birth rates are to women over 35, so I guess makes sense.
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Old 11-20-2013, 12:47 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,977,037 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonnenwende View Post
One of the most noticeable things about my daughter's FD kindergarten orientation a few years ago was how old all the the other parents were. We had already hit 30, but most parents looked to be between 40-50. We had to have been the youngest parents there. I think I read that the biggest gains in birth rates are to women over 35
...and their husbands, who on average will be what, 38-43 if she is 35, and more if she is?
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Old 11-20-2013, 01:55 PM
 
Location: The Emerald City
1,065 posts, read 1,799,407 times
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How ironic, I'm about ready to admit defeat and die alone because I can't find a quality, child free women that likes geek's. I don't hate kids, but I know swept down I don't want to make the sacrifices, spend the money, make the changes, have the mental stability or patience to raise a child properly. Hell, I get stressed out when my cat misbehaves and makes a mess. Do you really think I should be a father knowing that now? No, I didn't think so and neither do I.

In the end, it's better I die alone then chance being another poor father for an unwanted child, there are too many of those already, and I won't add to it
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Old 11-20-2013, 02:02 PM
 
Location: The Emerald City
1,065 posts, read 1,799,407 times
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I do love my immediate family and maintain close ties with them and now that I've moved out of state, it'd more important than ever to keep ourselves close with phone calls and trying to meet up when we can to spend time with each other.

But if you still feel there is something "wrong" with men like me, then that's your own damn problem.

Last edited by AT-AT28; 11-20-2013 at 02:11 PM..
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Old 11-20-2013, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AT-AT28 View Post
How ironic, I'm about ready to admit defeat and die alone because I can't find a quality, child free women that likes geek's. I don't hate kids, but I know swept down I don't want to make the sacrifices, spend the money, make the changes, have the mental stability or patience to raise a child properly. Hell, I get stressed out when my cat misbehaves and makes a mess. Do you really think I should be a father knowing that now? No, I didn't think so and neither do I.
Honestly, I lived long-term with someone who, though he did not profess to be of childfree leanings at the time (and, to be honest, spoke quite openly in terms of "when we have kids, if we adopt," etc.), is definitely a person who I think, in retrospect, is firmly of the childfree camp (and would be making a wise choice by staying in that camp). We had a dog for many of our years together, and, similarly to what you mention, it was actually how he interacted with the dog that led me to question his stability in terms of ever being a parent. He was fine with the dog if it was doing what he thought it should be doing/not bothering him, but the minute there was misbehavior or a mess, or even a slight annoyance (like needing a walk if he didn't feel like doing one), he was on the warpath. Patience and mental/emotional stability were real areas of concern to me, kids or no kids, not gonna lie, and having the dog brought that into sharp focus.

And just to be clear, even if a woman doesn't want kids, that doesn't mean she's gonna be super anxious to start something with a person who admittedly lacks the mental stability and patience to raise a child. Because those characteristics are important for other reasons, too, not just childrearing. Whether or not I ever have kids, I definitely couldn't be with someone who is upfront about having those deficits in the areas of stability and patience. The truth is, the same things that could make you "not a good father" are also things that could make you "not a good partner" for a lot of people. I have actually known people who have said, quite candidly, "I could never have kids, I'm not that nice, not that patient, not that kindhearted," etc., and I can't help but think, "Um, those things aren't JUST important in prospective parents. They're important in being a pleasant person that others want to be around, in general."

It might totally be just me, but a guy who is very upfront that he feels he lacks the proper skills and characteristics to be a good father is probably also someone I'd strongly suspect lacks the proper skills and characteristics to be a good boyfriend, partner, or husband to me. To me, the most important traits for good parents to have are compassion, strength, stability, patience and kindness, and whether or not the matter of parenting is even on the table, if you don't have those, you're probably not even relationship material to me. And that's completely separate from the "to have a family/not to have a family" issue.
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Old 11-20-2013, 02:34 PM
 
Location: The Emerald City
1,065 posts, read 1,799,407 times
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I make no excuses nor do I have to make any justifications for who I am to anyone on this planet. The older I get the more inclined I am to simply not waste time with people who won't accept me as I am, faults and all and if someone has issue with my upfront honesty, then I don't want them in my life anyway and I much rather find that out up front
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Old 11-20-2013, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
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No, you certainly don't. But it's worth considering that many of the traits that make people good parents also make people good partners in relationships, and even people who aren't looking to be parents recognize this. That's all.
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Old 11-20-2013, 02:42 PM
 
Location: The Emerald City
1,065 posts, read 1,799,407 times
Reputation: 1104
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
No, you certainly don't. But it's worth considering that many of the traits that make people good parents also make people good partners in relationships, and even people who aren't looking to be parents recognize this. That's all.
I can't solve that problem.
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Old 11-20-2013, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
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What problem?
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