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brush it off, tomorrows a new day. im a man that doesnt believe in marriage, but that doesnt mean i wont love someone and dedicate myself to them...i just dont believe in the concept of marriage.
Logically, in this case, I know that the man in question isn't worth crying over. The way it all went down was insanely disturbing. As in, literally, "Oh, let's break up." We got along beautifully. It was like a switch went off inside of him, and that was that. In the time span of less than five minutes. I have never had anything happen to me like that before. Usually, there are signs. None here.
Hm.
You know, people are going to argue about this all day long and I will get all sorts of, "Oh, yeah?! Well, me and my friends aren't this way, yadda yadda yadda," but maybe there is a disconnect between you and these childfree men.
Not that there's something wrong with them, per se, but that they view the world and relationships differently than you do. I mean, they would have to.
It's like people I know who don't like animals. They seem a bit soulless and callous to me, but I am sure from their perspective, I am the weirdo and they are perfectly normal.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa78703
I just broke up with my S/O of three years. He's childfree strictly by choice, and mine is a bit of choice and circumstances (dodgy genes). At first, he seemed amenable to the idea of getting married or living together. He finally told me that he doesn't want to do either -- that he just can't share his personal space with anyone, that he's too "set in his ways." I'm devastated, because I loved this man.
I can't help but to notice that there's almost always something "off" about a lot of childfree men -- not all of them, but a lot. I've been down this road soooo many times before. I have dealt with hermits, men with serious OCD (my ex had this, too), men who couldn't stand their families, men who had no relationship with their families, men who didn't have any friends, men who were socially inept ... there always seems to be something really broken about this group. Detached from the rest of the world. Emotionally unavailable. And I hate to use the word, but yeah, they're selfish. (Two of my exes now have "oops" babies that they don't want, and it hasn't changed a thing about them.)
I'm a warm, generous person. I love my family and my friends, and I believe in contributing equally and taking care of my mate until the day he dies. And I keep ending up with these cold, odd childfree men who manage to f*ck my world up. I know some childfree couples who dearly love each other, but they are far and few between.
I'm crying my eyes out right now. It's a wash. I give up. I used to think that I couldn't date single dads, that it would drive me nuts. Now I'm thinking that maybe I've been too judgmental.
(And no, this is not a troll post. I really wonder ... are most childfree people like this? Am I one of the exceptions?)
Well as a childfree man myself, you have simply ran into men who had issues who just happened to be childfree. There are emotionally healthy men who are childfree. It is finding them that is hard.
I don't think it's untrue that there are people who choose the childfree lifestyle specifically BECAUSE of emotional issues they have. That doesn't mean every person who subscribes to the childfree philosophy has emotional problems, obviously, but emotional problems, negative family and life experiences, mental health issues, and the like do play a role in people deciding not to procreate, in more than a few instances...it's not unusual for people with these barriers to eschew having children of their own. Finding people emotionally healthy enough to be suitable for normal relationships, childfree or not, isn't always the easiest thing in the world...there are a lot of messed up people out there.
I don't think it's untrue that there are people who choose the childfree lifestyle specifically BECAUSE of emotional issues they have. That doesn't mean every person who subscribes to the childfree philosophy has emotional problems, obviously, but emotional problems, negative family and life experiences, mental health issues, and the like do play a role in people deciding not to procreate, in more than a few instances...it's not unusual for people with these barriers to eschew having children of their own. Finding people emotionally healthy enough to be suitable for normal relationships, childfree or not, isn't always the easiest thing in the world...there are a lot of messed up people out there.
I think the OP is just upset and popping off about childfree men.......... just my opinion of course, she's upset and that is the obvious quick source to blame for the pain.
Childfree or men with kids can and do act just like she's listed, but I feel her pain, and hope she gets through it OK.
Logically, in this case, I know that the man in question isn't worth crying over. The way it all went down was insanely disturbing. As in, literally, "Oh, let's break up." We got along beautifully. It was like a switch went off inside of him, and that was that. In the time span of less than five minutes. I have never had anything happen to me like that before. Usually, there are signs. None here.
No, I'm crying for me.
I certainly am open to the idea of having my own children someday. But I have decided that I cannot bond with other people's children.
In term of the man who broke up with you, he perhaps truly loved you. So try not to resent him so much.
Crying is healthy. You are not the only one who is crying believe me.
I don't have kids, and am unlikely to date someone who wants them. But I also would be very unlikely to date someone who labels himself childfree.
It's like people who label themselves atheists -- most people who are have no need to make a big deal about declaring it. They identify themselves with what they are, not with what they are not or are opposed to.
So maybe that's part of the problem you are running into? Somehow, anyway, somewhere, your filters are not working. You can reset them, when you are done greiving.
But I am really sorry. I know how painful that is, losing love.
Well as a childfree man myself, you have simply ran into men who had issues who just happened to be childfree. There are emotionally healthy men who are childfree. It is finding them that is hard.
Let me ask you this: Did any of your kid-free beaux have pets?
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