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Long story short we had been seeing each other for a little over a month and she dumped me before our 4th date. She told me that she was only interested in pursing a friendship. I talked to her off and on for a couple months after the fact. I then realized that our “friendship” was pointless and painful for me so I stopped initiating contact. Then after three months of silence, out of the blue she sent me a message saying that she wanted to talk and make sure that we’re on good terms.
I was pretty bitter after she dumped me..we went on three dates, she let me kiss her & then flaked and went cold. I kind of felt like she led me on. Now that she’s contacted me some of these feelings are starting to come back. I’m really not interested in being on good terms. My idea of ‘Good terms’ is different from hers.
Should I writer her back:
"I'm not on bad terms with you, It just wasn't working for me."
Or should I just ignore her?
I'm afraid that first option might make me look desperate/needy? Right Now I'm thinking ignoring would be the way to go. What do you think?
You're going to get slammed by a bunch of people who don't understand this and expect you to look out for others over yourself, but I feel you have every right to abandon this friendship, just as long as you do it in a polite way. You can either write to her the way you noted above or ignore her. Either is acceptable. It's your choice, whatever works best for you. She will get over it.
I think this letter sounds INCREDIBLY desperate and needy. It comes across like he sat around forever trying to write out 50 drafts into one that sounded purposefully casual when the fact that he's putting all these weird statements in there of how "not personal" it is all but screams that it's very personal.
IF he needs to say something at all, he should answer with a quick, "Hey, got your note. Sorry, things have been busy. Hope you are well," and that's it. No more contact or responses after that.
Honestly though, the best way to show "I am busy" is to simply be too busy to write back. After all, she was too busy to write for 3 months too. And the OP has been honest that he does not want a friendship with this girl. He wants to date her and she doesn't want him. Therefore, there's really no point in statements like "friendship works both ways" because even if she suddenly started making more friendly gestures, he's still in the same boat. He doesn't want to be only her friend.
The problem here is that the real thing OP is searching for is some magical thing he can write, do, or say that will cause this girl to magically change her mind and suddenly want to date him, and that just isn't going to happen.
OP needs to learn how to move on.
100% agree. I especially agree with your statement of how the letter tries to appear casual but screams very personal.
Upon reflection, I also think that your idea for a response is very good too, better than mine.
Hmm bro..where do I start ? .. I say just drop it . She wants to know if the friendship is OK ? Tell her its OK and leave it at that ! It was 3 dates .. not 3 months or 3 years. You'll live..
Dont try to play mind games , if you Dont care you surely wouldn't be bothered by it. But you started a thread and even say it out how your gonna respond with out care shows that you do, and it will only hurt more if you try to do that ( speaking from experience ) just Be cool and live on your life man !! Its a big world live long and prosper ..(\(Y)
Hmm bro..where do I start ? .. I say just drop it . She wants to know if the friendship is OK ? Tell her its OK and leave it at that ! It was 3 dates .. not 3 months or 3 years. You'll live..
It was 2 months..kind of, we went home for winter break and kept talking before our 3rd date. Long enough at least..
Long story short we had been seeing each other for a little over a month and she dumped me before our 4th date. She told me that she was only interested in pursing a friendship. I talked to her off and on for a couple months after the fact. I then realized that our “friendship” was pointless and painful for me so I stopped initiating contact. Then after three months of silence, out of the blue she sent me a message saying that she wanted to talk and make sure that we’re on good terms.
I was pretty bitter after she dumped me..we went on three dates, she let me kiss her & then flaked and went cold. I kind of felt like she led me on. Now that she’s contacted me some of these feelings are starting to come back. I’m really not interested in being on good terms. My idea of ‘Good terms’ is different from hers.
Should I writer her back:
"I'm not on bad terms with you, It just wasn't working for me."
Or should I just ignore her?
I'm afraid that first option might make me look desperate/needy? Right Now I'm thinking ignoring would be the way to go. What do you think?
Cut her loose and spare the pain as you are wanting more from this than she is willing to offer. It's not the first time two people have stopped contacting each other because of lack of chemistry and it won't be the last.
It has nothing to do with growing up. Pretending to be friends with someone you're attracted to is a bad idea across the board.
This is starting to sound like something which needs to be reviewed by the Supreme Court - Geez. Don't even respond to it at all. Hell, you could leave your options open then for some kind of future connection.
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