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Unfortunately there are those people that 'want' to be sick and do everything within their power to be sick. However, there are those that are legitimately sick, and if you have a chronic illness you are more (usually) suceptible to other ailments either due to the first illness or medication one may be taking.
Unfortunately there are those people that 'want' to be sick and do everything within their power to be sick. However, there are those that are legitimately sick, and if you have a chronic illness you are more (usually) suceptible to other ailments either due to the first illness or medication one may be taking.
Does that detail a possible workmans comp case and everyone in your family and also the bosses wife pleading you to see a doctor, yet some "old training" won't let you go.......Just tough it out and grit some teeth.......
Not all genetic disorders are immediately visible and I know of quite a few people who do suffer from them. I guess I get irritated when people dismiss illnesses that they can't immediately see physically as if they don't exist, or as if the person is making them up.
Every once in a while I get horrible bone pain. Pain-wise, it's on par with actually breaking your bone from the inside out, and this is due to my genetic disorder. I have actually had people tell me I was making it up or using it as an excuse to get attention and it pisses me off to no end. So, for me it would be 'so sorry I can't go to the movies but it feels like someone is breaking my femur!'
I can understand not wanting to be with someone with an illness, but people aren't perfect.
There is a big difference between someone who needs an afternoon or a day off once a month and someone who is unhealthy and afflicted with a series of chronic health issues which result in a litany of opportunity costs.
I still get awful phantom pain where my hand once was but it does not impact my life.
It sounds like you don't object to the illness so much as a person's reaction to it.
So if someone could "soldier on" despite illness and not allow it to affect YOUR preferred lifefstyle, you'd be OK with it.
It makes it difficult to maintain an expectation such as this because you cannot predict illness and you cannot control another person's reaction to illness.
So all you can do it keep dating women and hoping to find one with the same approach. If she fails, you can just break up with her, but she'll always think of you as the *sshole who broke up with her when she got sick.
Wow. Well, yes, I was involved with a man with Multiple Sclerosis.
Now I am with a perfectly well man, who does have a few back issues.
Me, on the other hand..... My SO is with a woman with many ailments. If he minds, he doesn't let on. I do as much as I can when I can, despite my ailments. Sometimes I can't.
I am very thankful to have a man like him. He loves me exactly for who I am, ailments or not.
I've been healthy my whole life. For 35 years, no medical/dental issues apart from having two wisdom teeth removed when I was 26. No allergies, no broken bones, no stitches, no illnesses, etc. Menstrual cramps were about as bad as it got.
Then, one day, during a routine wellness check, new doctor (old one retired) asks me about breast lumps, etc. I say that I have had one for three years that I'm aware of, and previous doctor's opinion was that it was a harmless cyst, and that I should monitor it, but not worry about it if no changes. New doctor checks it out, disagrees, saying it doesn't really have the characteristics of a cyst. She orders a mammogram (my first ever), and mammography tech doesn't like it. Women's Health center then orders an ultrasound that confirms that it is not, in fact a cyst, but a tumor with its own blood supply. They recommend removal, but nobody's in a panic, because I've been monitoring it for three years and it hasn't changed notably...but it is definitely a tumor and not a cyst. They won't know if it's cancerous or benign without biopsy and/or removal, so it's recommended that I schedule a vacuum-assisted biopsy, which will remove the whole growth to study it.
At this time, I am in a BRAND NEW, fledgling relationship following a horrible, horrible, gutwrenching breakup with a man I had lived for five years and moved to be with. Was starting over entirely, from scratch, and was hopeful about the many I'd met. But the last thing I wanted in the world was to drop on somebody I was just starting a deepening relationship with, "So, new guy, looks like I might have cancer, wanna wait around and see while they suck something out of my breast?" In addition to being terrified for my own health/life (breast cancer threats are TERRIFYING), I was heartbroken, thinking that there was no way this guy was going to stick around and play nursemaid to someone going through treatment for a tumor. My thought was that nobody I just started a relationship with would be interested in hitching themselves to a Sick Person, and why should they? I was terrified, and didn't see any reason why somebody who was a relatively new addition to my life would want to sign on for that. I told my new boyfriend that, and basically offered him an out. He told me in no uncertain terms that he wasn't going anywhere, that I didn't have to worry about him cutting and running, and that I didn't have to worry about him being scared away. He said, in his words, that "a life without me in it was unimaginable to him." He went to every doctor appointment with me, he took me to the hospital to have the tumor removed, he went to all the followups with me, and we celebrated together when we found out that the tumor, though large, was benign.
We will be getting married in January, about a year after all the scary medical news went down. The way he stood up, early on, told me TONS about the type of man he is, and strengthened in my mind just how lucky I was to have someone like him enter my life after so much devastation. My ex never in a million years would have had the emotional fortitude to handle something like a serious health crisis. He wasn't even much of a comfort when I initially found the lump, didn't go with me to the doctor when the inital "cyst" diagnosis...I did all that on my own, like a person with no family, even though we'd been together for years. He couldn't handle "gross" medical things, and, to be honest, just didn't care that much. I thank my lucky stars all the time that I met my fiance when I did, that he wasn't the type to be scared away by the potential for having a "Sick Girlfriend," and that things happened as they did.
The takeaway, for me, as relates to the OP's topic? Nobody WANTS to be sick. Plenty of people are healthy...until they're not. Anybody can get sick. Scary sick, not just "I have a cold, so I want to stay in when you want to go out" sick. People who are ready to be in a real, mutual, adult, caring, compassionate relationship are people who understand that you roll with the punches, and that sickness can happen. The types of people who can't foresee staying with somebody who is fighting illness probably need to assess if they need to/want to be with the person at all, or if they're even all that interested in being in a relationship, period, and what it entails.
That ^^ doesn't qualify as a chronic illness, since it was diagnosed, removed, and found to be benign (i.e. no further developments/complications). Lucky for you, btw. Congrats. I still don't get where the OP gets the impression of Americans as generally chronically ill. The only chronically ill people I know are a few I met through my massage practice. And they're chronically ill because doctors don't know how to diagnose and treat what are actually fairly simple conditions. There are huge gaps in medical knowledge and practice in the US that don't exist in Europe.
It didn't have to be, though. I was lucky, but I could have been signing on for long-term treatment, surgeries, mastectomies, disease spreading to other systems of the body...my fiance and I had no way of knowing that on the day I came home from a checkup and said, "My new doc scheduled a mammogram for me, seems like she thinks something's up with that cyst."
A guy who was very "I can't be with somebody WHO IS SICKLY," wouldn't have stuck around.
The OP seems to have a lot of experiences and viewpoints that are counter to what most of us experience on a daily basis, I guess it doesn't surprise me that he seems to run into a disproportionate number of women who are chronically ill (or that that is his perception).
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won't let you go.......Just tough it out and grit some teeth.......
