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LS1212, I completely agree that going ballistic made things all the worse. I apologized, but am still upset about it.
"His dream included you, why be threatened by that??? It's just a dream. Insecurity is a relationship killer."
Uhh, no. His dream was a nightmare, as he describes it. He said he woke up from the nightmare in the middle of the night, and then looked at pictures of other naked women on his ipad (while I was asleep next to him).
I wasn't in the dream or the pictures, at least as he described it.
It sounds like your a little bit bitter about him being gone so much and living a pretty good life while you stay home fixing up the house. I'm guessing you are already sex deprived and this was icing on the cake?
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Electrician4you,
he said his picture was about dismembered body parts and having to find his father's dead body in the pile of body parts.
Then to feel better, he looked at pictures of naked women (while I was asleep in bed next to him). Actually, now I remember that he woke up in the middle of the night, because he woke me up as well, but didn't say anything about wanting sex.
Mikala, right on the money. I've definitely felt neglected, but I've tried my hardest to be understanding and patient. This has not been easy. What I can't understand is that he has ALL that time in his hotel room when he's gone to look at other women/porn/do whatever the hell he wants, and instead he chose to do it in bed, right next to me.
This Friday he came home exhausted, as usual. He slept in late Saturday, we painted the outside of the house late into the afternoon, then went to the gym, then had a late dinner. I was hoping for some sex in the morning, but didn't really indicate (that's a problem for me, I admit). In the morning when we both wake up in bed, he tells me about a nightmare he had in the middle of then night. He then proceeds to tell me how we ended up looking at naked women on his ipad in our bed to feel better. WHHAATT?? At first, I wasn't even angry. It took a while to sink in, I think. Then, I couldn't believe it. Looking at naked women in OUR bed, while his WIFE is sleeping right next to me.
...
That makes no sense.
How does looking at naked women make him feel better after a nightmare?
Anyway, I think your position is weakened by the following:
Quote:
Anyway, I've known even before we were married that DH had a serious collection of porn on his computer and would watch it now and then. It didn't really bother me and he never really hid it from me (it was tucked in some obscure folder within a folder), but it wasn't a secret. He's even tried to get me to watch it a few times and I did, but I wasn't really into it. Well, fast-forward, the past few years have been a bear.
Your acceptance of him watching porn is implied due to inaction (before and after you were married). I don't know the solution to the problem. His only error is that he told you about looking at naked women in bed while you slept next to him.
It sounds like your a little bit bitter about him being gone so much and living a pretty good life while you stay home fixing up the house. I'm guessing you are already sex deprived and this was icing on the cake?
Then you really can't complain now if you already knew that he had an addiction to porn. If he likes his porn just let him enjoy it.
See, I just can't agree with you here.
Enjoying something occasionally is one thing, but ADDICTION to something is unhealthy across the board.
She knew he engaged in porn, I don't think she realized until much later how addicted he is.
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