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The women I know who love their male SO's more aren't really happy and think that their SO's will leave them because "he doesn't love me like I love him". They also typically feel like they're putting more into the relationship.
OTOH, the women I know who's male SO's love them more, aren't happy either. Why? Because they feel guilty for not loving their SO as much as they are loved. They also feel like they should have that "stronger" type of love for their SO, that they are given.
I'm not saying it's extreme either. It's like, there are days where the woman either doesn't feel in love or that the man doesn't love her. So they stay, because it's good enough for most of the time. Not that the guy is a bad guy or anything like that. It's just that the women aren't completely happy. The women I know who feel completely secure, loved, and overall happy feel that their SO's love them as much as they love their SO's. So yeah, I chose "equally". The best love relationships I've had were equal or at least felt equal. The rest, bleah, just never felt good. I'd always wonder if there was something better out there.
I am a firm believer of John Lennon's words that "the love you take is equal to the love you make." To me, that means it should be equal and if there is love, usually will be nearly equal.
One thing I think people forget though, is that everyone shows love a little differently. One person might "love" by expressing it in words... while their partner might express it by actions and doing things. They both love, and could be loving equally. Just a little differently. So it's important to be in tune to that so you don't miss your partner showing you love in their special way.
There is no such thing as equality beyond basic rights and freedoms, IMO. So, no I don't think it "should be" equal. I think it should be balanced and healthy. It's OK if one loves the other more, if the lesser love is significant enough to keep the relationship in a good place.
The way I usually hear it is that the other person should love you more than the other way around, because you will not have to worry about infidelity or abandonment. There's that song about marrying an ugly woman, because she will be grateful and therefore loyal. I get the insecurity but nobody ever says, "I want to love my spouse more than I am loved." So why would you want that for your spouse?
I don't know how you would measure loving "more" like you can measure looks. I've seen this argument based on looks and it makes more sense. The argument is that it's better to marry/date someone who is less attractive then you
I don't know how you would measure loving "more" like you can measure looks. I've seen this argument based on looks and it makes more sense. The argument is that it's better to marry/date someone who is less attractive then you
You know, I've heard that before (that second bit) but in the context that less attractive men (when compared to the women) make for better marriages for both.
"The [less attractive] husbands seemed to be basically more committed, more invested in pleasing their wives when they felt that they were getting a pretty good deal. Because for men, the attractiveness of their wives is part of the deal," said Karney, who is also an adjunct behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation.
"For women, that’s not part of the deal. The deal that women get isn’t being with an attractive man. It’s being with a protective man, or a wealthy man, or an ambitious man, or even a sensitive man. So they didn’t care as much about the appearance of their husbands."
...
Karney and his colleagues then started looking at the difference between the husbands’ and wives’ attractiveness and discovered something important. "We could look at them and say, ‘OK, these husbands are less attractive on an objective scale than their wives.’ The interesting thing is that those husbands were happier than the other husbands. And those husbands were more helpful. And they were more effective and more positive when helping their wives with their problems."
It's just one study, but it's interesting to think about.
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