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Lately I've been feeling a bit 'physically ignored' by my boyfriend. Our relationship is great and we are superhappy and he always says that he loves me, but I've been a bit worried for a while that he doesn't find me attractive anymore. We're only been together for a year and three months and for the first couple of months our sex life was amazing, not only did we have sex at least once a day, but it was also super passionate and not just in bed. Also, he made me a lot of comments how pretty I am, how attractive he finds me, how good I look in that dress etc.
If it helps, I'm 26 and he's 29.
Now, he doesn't make me any compliments anymore. I have not changed physically, I haven't gained any weight or changed anything, I still take care of my looks, do sports etc. I'm a slim, fit person and I get a lot of attention of men. Sometimes I dress up really nicely, take care of my make up etc. and he doesn't say anything to it. This weekend we were on a big family reunion of his, and I wore a really nice dress, did my hair etc. Many of his relatives made me compliments, he didn't say anything. He never does, it doesn't matter what I wear or if I wear make up or not, if I have new clothes or whatever. He never makes me compliments or tells me he finds me attractive. And when I once asked him he almost got mad and said I shouldn't ask those stupid questions and I shouldn't doubt about him wanting to be with me. He said he loves me very much, but also in that moment he couldn't say that he finds me attractive or so.
Also, our sex life has changed and I see the link between the above mentioned thing and this. We still have sex frequently (not every day, but couple of times per week), but he doesn't initiate very often. And when he does, it's usually when we're already half naked in bed, like in the evening after watching a movie. We then have sex for like 10 or 15 minutes and then he falls asleep. When I try to initiate sex, he sometimes rejects me, saying that he's tired (which would be okay with me if he initiated sex more often). He doesn't even have a stressful job, but nice normal working hours and nothing has changed in his job in the last year. He sometimes even says he's tired when we didn't do anything the whole day (weekend). Also, when I undress in front of him, or come naked out of the shower he mostly doesn't even look at me, but keeps watching tv or staring at his computer. I don't know, I just don't know it like that. My ex-boyfriend always wanted sex and when I was naked he always looked at me.
I don't know, I just miss the compliments he made me, him saying that he finds me attractive and him intiating sex, having passionate sex and not just every time in the bed while watching tv before falling asleep. Is it just me and I'm expecting too much? Do I make too much a big deal out of it? Or what do you think? And what should I do?
Thanks!
PS: I make him compliments very often, telling him that I like the way he does his hair or that he looks good in a certain jacket etc.
Are there changes happening at work? Does he have health concerns?
The only thing that stood out to me was that he hardly initiates sex anymore. Was he the one who would usually initiate?
As for not paying compliments or checking you out when you're naked, I would attribute that to taking you for granted or getting used to you after being together for a while.
Frankly, I would move on. 26 is WAY too young to only have sex twice/week. And he got angry at you when you asked him if he still finds you attractive? It doesn't sound like he loves you. Rarely initiating, and sex for only 10 minutes is not normal. Ignoring you when you come out of the shower? Not normal. Is he secretly addicted to porn? You could suggest counseling for the two of you, but if it were me, I'd just leave and find someone who was a lot more into me.
New girl at work? New neighbor move in? Bad news from home?
In my experience, distance this severe is an early indicator for second thoughts, but if things are going well otherwise they may not feel the "urge" to break up.
I agree that fewer compliments are not an emergency, but doing a 180 in the bedroom can be.
Without reading any of that novella I will advise you to TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND.
He is the only one who can tell you how he feels about you.
Random strangers on a public forum cannot do that for him.
If you cannot have this conversation with him and both of you be open and honest, you both are with the wrong partner.
Without reading any of that novella I will advise you to TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND.
He is the only one who can tell you how he feels about you.
Random strangers on a public forum cannot do that for him.
If you cannot have this conversation with him and both of you be open and honest, you both are with the wrong partner.
She did talk to him about it and he blew up, although I'm not sure if the conversation went beyond "Do you still find me attractive?"
It sounds like he put his best foot forward early in the relationship and now that he feels secure he's going through the motions. I've always heard that after 6-9 months the "newness" of the sexual urges kind of wears off and both of you have to work harder to keep things going. This period of time after the 6-9 month mark is very telling about whether or not your relationship will last and it's not looking great so far.
OP, you should talk to your boyfriend in more detail.
The weird thing is, except of sex he isn't distant at all. He constantly kisses and hugs me, more than I ever had in any relationship. We cuddle a lot. He tells me a lot that he loves me very much and he talks about future plans and brings me cute gifts sometimes. Except of the sex thing and the compliment thing I would call our relationship almost perfect.
His circumstances haven't changed either. He's superfit, does sports as well and his job has been the same for a while. I don't think there is anyone else because he isn't the type who does that and I haven't noticed any signs. When he's not at home he leaves his computer switched on, his Facebook open and doesn't even have a problem when I take his phone to do something. I could easily check his Facebook, emails, Whatsapp etc. and he doesn't seem to mind (but I don't do it).
We've been living together for a year now and I would say it has started two months ago, so not that long ago. And the frequency of sex doesn't even bother me.. we have sex like 3-4 times a week, that's alright. It bothers me more that he never makes me any compliments anymore and that the sex always happens when we're almost about to sleep, watching tv, like if we HAD to do it. I miss the times when we came home and he started undressing me in the kitchen or so...
Then it sounds a bit better than most LTRs I've known about.
Truth is most people relax a bit on the romantic details after that long. That's why they say marriage is hard work.
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