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Physical attraction is a necessity for a healthy relationship. If her body was too damaged from child rearing for you to find it physically appealing there is no reason for you to be ashamed. Wanting something pleasant to look at during intimacy is not being shallow, it is being human.
I never said anything about the playboy mansion, a playboy centerfold or a supermodel for that matter.
At the risk of sounding conceded, I've had plenty of girls tell me I am hansdome (or even that I have "movie star" good looks). LOL. Well, I am certainly no Brad Pitt. But I am definitely NOT shooting for something out of my league. I don't want a supermodel just a cute, in shape girl that is also sweet and nice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking_Good
Not sure I agree. Just saying, "I am not attracted to you" might be more cruel or hurtful than the kids excuse. I tried to tell her, "I am not ready to be in a serious relationship." but she kept pressing me for a specific reason. So I told her something along the lines of, "I thought I could deal with someone with kids but I was wrong."
If you read the thread that seemed the consenus best excuse (or least hurftul). Again, she seemed to get over it pretty quickly (after the initial night of being upset). We only had three dates.
You did nothing wrong. Saying "I am not attracted to you" would've been much worse. You tried to be vague and she pressed you. You tried to spare feelings the best you could.
I just had a woman completely ghost on me after a few dates, and she played a huge part in initiating the first date to begin with. It hurts, I'd like to know why. But I also know I'll bounce back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Italian_Stallion
Lmao
Oh lord
Did not read entire thread, but some of you women are sick. Guilting this man for having standards
Agreed. Many seem to be taking it personally and being hypercritical. But the truth is...
As I've said, I had to listen to many of my ex's friends (the ones who were only moderately attractive) complain about how hard it is to meet a "good guy" and that men don't like "independent" women. But on truth their standards were absurd. The irony was a few of her hot friends had more open standards.
I havent read this thread yet (I will now), but just reading the OPs first post, Im reading:
30's divorced mom, 2 kids, dates single 40 man. She starts texting back immediately, frequently, by third date she's throwing herself at him, practically begging for sex.
All thats coming to me is that she is absolutely desperate. Rather than take things slow and comfortable, she's racing ahead trying to nab you...she's already dreaming of a ring on her finger, and a dad for her kids.
I understand your turn off after seeing her body. I think had she played it much more conservative and waited until you 2 perhaps got deeply emotionally involved first, the body might not have been as big of a deal...it is, after all, fixable with a few snips and tucks. Im just reading desperate here.
Edited to add:
I did read the entire thread, and think the OP did a commendable job with a touchy situation. Putting the onus on the kids was the right way to go, I would think, since thats nothing she could change. Had he said, we just dont connect, or you are too needy, or not needy enough, or whatever, then she could try and change to continue on the relationship. Kids can't be changed.
There is nothing wrong with the OP ending the relationship because he wasnt physically attracted. How many of you people are in relationships or are married to someone that you had no physical attraction to, for whatever reason? When I met my SO years ago, I had wild physical attraction to him, and he was the absolute opposite of anything I ever thought Id be attracted to. When you have that attraction, theres no denying it, you dont have to force it. If its not there, its not there, and its best to move on.
Last edited by carnivalday; 11-24-2013 at 10:46 AM..
Why are people getting on the OP for not being physically attracted to the woman? I'm going to take him at his word that he is in shape. He's looming for a similar woman. She looked good in get clothes, but when the skirt came off the truth was revealed. There's no law that says he must like every childbirth tummy out there. I don't see this being shallow.
Why are people getting on the OP for not being physically attracted to the woman? I'm going to take him at his word that he is in shape. He's looming for a similar woman. She looked good in get clothes, but when the skirt came off the truth was revealed. There's no law that says he must like every childbirth tummy out there. I don't see this being shallow.
I think many are in disbelief that he is willing to throw away someone he had a great connection with and found "cute as a button", over her less than flawless stomach. Finding someone you connect with overall can be quite elusive, and it seems a shame that he views her stomach as such a big deal that he allowed it to negate every other positive attribute she has.
I find it shallow to scrutinize someone so closely that way instead of looking at the big picture, but to each their own.
You know, you are all correct, I realized today when I thought back over what I said, that I find this whole thing to be really depressing. Because, I think I take it little too seriously, I need to stop coming to CD because I'm being reminded of all the things I really don't LIKE about other people, AND I'm making the mistake of sharing my thoughts and experiences with a lot of people...what a time waster. I am not going to be back.
I think many are in disbelief that he is willing to throw away someone he had a great connection with and found "cute as a button", over her less than flawless stomach. Finding someone you connect with overall can be quite elusive, and it seems a shame that he views her stomach as such a big deal that he allowed it to negate every other positive attribute she has.
I find it shallow to scrutinize someone so closely that way instead of looking at the big picture, but to each their own.
A great connection after 2 dates? She disrobed on the third, way to early for there to be a real connection. It's just speculation early on.
Who knows? Maybe she has had this happen to her before and wanted to get the sex thing out of the way before developing a deeper attachement? I think it hurts less to be rejected by a guy you've been on 3 dates with oppossed to a guy you've been bonding with for 10-12 dates over 3 months. Anyway, like mom said: There is a mouse out there for every moldy piece of cheese!
Meh...you like what you like. That's not being shallow, it's human nature. Just tell her you're not into her anymore and move on.
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