Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You are right on all counts. And that's what I'm going to do. It's just some wounded pride you know? I read somewhere that if you like somebody you decrease your options and become more vulnerable. I guess that's what happened here.
Anyway, positive and onward. I'm looking forward to some fun tonight.
I hope your using protection especially since or if she is still seeing fwb?
A grown man seeks to communicate clearly about what he wants and expects in a relationship. If he develops feelings for her, he sits down with her and has a talk about exclusivity. He tells her that's what he would like, and hopes she would like the same thing, too.
He does not assume that a woman's world stops spinning after one date with him, nor does he invest a whole lot of time and emotion in a relationship until he knows, explicitly, that there is actually a relationship to invest in.
He does not listen to hearsay about a woman he supposedly cares about, and he does not seek petty retribution for offenses he can't even confirm were committed against him.
The adult thing to do in this situation is to be open and direct: "[Name of friend] told me you and Joe Schmoe were FWB. Is that true?""
If the answer is positive, he asks if it's still going on, and goes from there with telling her whether he thinks things will work out with her--in this case, he tells her it's a dealbreaker and ends his time with her. If it's negative, he expresses relief that the rumor mill is wrong, and he discusses what he would like in a relationship with her.
An adult does not slink around operating on what a third party says--a third party who may or may not have an agenda of their own or have his or the woman's best interests in mind--come to a public message board, spill his guts, ask for opinions, and lash out at everyone who doesn't tell him exactly what he wants to hear, and then plot and scheme about how to get revenge for things he can't even confirm happened. That is what an adolescent does, not a grown man.
Best part is that the third party who told him this is probably laughing their arse off, pulling strings on a puppet and watching the drama unfold.
Exclusivity is never implied, so as long as you don't lie to her by saying that you are exclusive when you have no intention to be, you are not tricking her. When someone is not exclusive, they are not entitled to any information pertaining to who else you might be seeing. What you do when you are not with them is irrelevant to them if they are not exclusive.
One other thing:
If someone REALLY wanted a committed relationship and is adamant about not having sex until there is commitment, then they do not go to bed until they know for a fact they are in one (aka confirming exclusivity before having sex the first time with a new person). That doesn't seem to apply here.
Im saying be honest as in, give her an honest answer if she asks. For example, if she asks if they can hang out on Thu night, he can say I would love to, but Im going on a date with so and so. Im very excited.
Guys often have to resort to these types of tactics because we are forced into a corner. A man who shows jealousy about his GF/Wife going out by herself or seeing other people, and voicing it, becomes less and less attractive to said woman. It happens each and every time, and is proven with what is sure to follow. A man who displays envy and jealousy is seen as a weakling by women, even if they claim otherwise. So you're put in a position, where your only reaction that will actually benefit you is showing her through your actions that you will not put up with it, and demonstrating your own options. One thing that is important, is that a man with options is considered a prize by pretty much all women, even those in LTR and marriages. So if your GF goes out and does her thing, call your best looking female friends and take them out on the town. Don't cheat or lie, just go out and have a great time. When she asks, all you have to offer is honesty.
A grown man seeks to communicate clearly about what he wants and expects in a relationship. If he develops feelings for her, he sits down with her and has a talk about exclusivity. He tells her that's what he would like, and hopes she would like the same thing, too.
He does not assume that a woman's world stops spinning after one date with him, nor does he invest a whole lot of time and emotion in a relationship until he knows, explicitly, that there is actually a relationship to invest in.
He does not listen to hearsay about a woman he supposedly cares about, and he does not seek petty retribution for offenses he can't even confirm were committed against him.
The adult thing to do in this situation is to be open and direct: "[Name of friend] told me you and Joe Schmoe were FWB. Is that true?""
If the answer is positive, he asks if it's still going on, and goes from there with telling her whether he thinks things will work out with her--in this case, he tells her it's a dealbreaker and ends his time with her. If it's negative, he expresses relief that the rumor mill is wrong, and he discusses what he would like in a relationship with her.
An adult does not slink around operating on what a third party says--a third party who may or may not have an agenda of their own or have his or the woman's best interests in mind--come to a public message board, spill his guts, ask for opinions, and lash out at everyone who doesn't tell him exactly what he wants to hear, and then plot and scheme about how to get revenge for things he can't even confirm happened. That is what an adolescent does, not a grown man.
Best part is that the third party who told him this is probably laughing their arse off, pulling strings on a puppet and watching the drama unfold.
The OP hasnt stated how concrete his source is.
I believe he said "rock solid" in reference to his information.
Sometimes where there is smoke, there is fire.
Sometimes people fabricate stories hopin to end/ruin things between people.
The OP's rock solid source could be either.
Hopefully the OP knows enough about the source to determine the credibility there.
But, if I was the OP, I would play it cool, and at some point in the near future, set up a date and ask her if she was sleeping with/seeing anyone else.
There is always the chance she lies and says no, even if she is. It is a bad situation for the OP to be in, cause now he will struggle to trust her regardless.
If she says no and its the truth, he may still have a hard time trusting it. Who do you believe ? The new person, or the rock solid source ?
If she admits to the FWB, then I say everyone should have their cake and eat it too. I mean, who has cake but doesnt want to eat it anyway? Gotta be one of the worst sayings in history.
You are right on all counts. And that's what I'm going to do. It's just some wounded pride you know? I read somewhere that if you like somebody you decrease your options and become more vulnerable. I guess that's what happened here.
Anyway, positive and onward. I'm looking forward to some fun tonight.
That's right man, have fun and if it becomes any more of a headache for you just dump her without even offering an explanation. Ghost on her and block her contacts. There are 3.5 billion women out there and most are dying for some real mens' attention. And when I say real men, I simply mean guys who wont accept hypocritical sluttish behavior from a girl they may want to have a future with. Ultimately, there is only one piece of advice that will always serve you well in this dating world. Don't ever find yourself in a relationship with a woman, that you cant walk away from at any given moment. Very few get that, but those that do take their dating success to the next level. Best of luck.
The OP hasnt stated how concrete his source is.
I believe he said "rock solid" in reference to his information.
Sometimes where there is smoke, there is fire.
Sometimes people fabricate stories hopin to end/ruin things between people.
The OP's rock solid source could be either.
Hopefully the OP knows enough about the source to determine the credibility there.
But, if I was the OP, I would play it cool, and at some point in the near future, set up a date and ask her if she was sleeping with/seeing anyone else.
There is always the chance she lies and says no, even if she is. It is a bad situation for the OP to be in, cause now he will struggle to trust her regardless.
If she says no and its the truth, he may still have a hard time trusting it. Who do you believe ? The new person, or the rock solid source ?
If she admits to the FWB, then I say everyone should have their cake and eat it too. I mean, who has cake but doesnt want to eat it anyway? Gotta be one of the worst sayings in history.
If you were the OP, I doubt you'd be in this situation in the first place.
But you raise a good point. If he doesn't trust her regardless of what she says, and wouldn't believe her if she said no, then WTF is he doing with her?
Oh, wait, extracting revenge for his wounded pride, which may or may not be the result of a figment of his own imagination.
See, if someone were to come and tell me something like what this third party allegedly told the OP, that person would pretty much have to be my sister for me to give it a whole lot of credence. And then I would verify and see how it goes.
I learned this in high school, when someone tried to pull a stunt like that on me. Turns out my then-boyfriend didn't even know the person he supposedly was with at a party beyond her being friends with the ex-girlfriend of someone in a couple of his classes. I learned then that there are people in this world who would love nothing more than to try to cause problems between two people who seem to have what they want--especially if what they want is one of the two people!
The OP hasnt stated how concrete his source is.
I believe he said "rock solid" in reference to his information.
Sometimes where there is smoke, there is fire. Sometimes people fabricate stories hopin to end/ruin things between people.
The OP's rock solid source could be either.
Hopefully the OP knows enough about the source to determine the credibility there.
But, if I was the OP, I would play it cool, and at some point in the near future, set up a date and ask her if she was sleeping with/seeing anyone else.
There is always the chance she lies and says no, even if she is. It is a bad situation for the OP to be in, cause now he will struggle to trust her regardless.
If she says no and its the truth, he may still have a hard time trusting it. Who do you believe ? The new person, or the rock solid source ?
If she admits to the FWB, then I say everyone should have their cake and eat it too. I mean, who has cake but doesnt want to eat it anyway? Gotta be one of the worst sayings in history.
My EXACT point yesterday - which you will note this "newbie" has not been back to answer or discuss
For all we know he is so insecure that he has made all this stuff up in his own head and the poor girl has no clue that he's planning to try to humiliate her publicly over it
If you were the OP, I doubt you'd be in this situation in the first place.
But you raise a good point. If he doesn't trust her regardless of what she says, and wouldn't believe her if she said no, then WTF is he doing with her?
Oh, wait, extracting revenge for his wounded pride, which may or may not be the result of a figment of his own imagination.
See, if someone were to come and tell me something like what this third party allegedly told the OP, that person would pretty much have to be my sister for me to give it a whole lot of credence. And then I would verify and see how it goes.
I learned this in high school, when someone tried to pull a stunt like that on me. Turns out my then-boyfriend didn't even know the person he supposedly was with at a party beyond her being friends with the ex-girlfriend of someone in a couple of his classes. I learned then that there are people in this world who would love nothing more than to try to cause problems between two people who seem to have what they want--especially if what they want is one of the two people!
The poetic justice would be that the OP makes a scene or plays a manipulative mind-game on her, she gets upset, and the third party is a guy who comforts her, they fall in love, and they live happily ever after, while the OP later on finds out that the guy she was allegedly FWB with is gay.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
