Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by krieger00
would this be far to most woman then if a guy was dating a girl but still having a FWB but stop seeing the FWB once the girl he was dating had sex and became a couple?
I assume you mean "fair" and of course it would be fair. How would it not be?
So here's what happened last night, the quick version because I have to get to the office. I can get more into it tonight after work.
As we agreed, she came over last night. She said she wanted to talk and I let her. She basically said that we should be able to talk about anything and that if I wanted to talk about anything she would. I tried the “cool approach” but she didn’t buy it. She asked me why I brought up FWB dude's name the night before. Again I tried the “it’s all cool babe” but she wouldn’t let it go. So I told her.
I asked her if she had sex with the FWB guy. She blubbered yeah. I asked her if she had sex with the FWB guy while we were dating. She didn’t answer at first so I said what about talking about “everything” like she said. She then said yeah but that it was around the time that she and I had met. When I pointed out certain things that I have found out she “rephrased” and said it went on for a little while. How long? She said she doesn’t remember. Of course at some point she started to cry but at that point it was me who wasn't buying.
I basically laid out how I feel. I asked her why it took us like two months to do it but in the mean time she was doing it with FWB dude. She said that he put the moves on her right away and that she just did it. She said when she met me she thought we had an instant connection so she figured we could be boyfriend and girlfriend so she acted differently. When I asked her why she kept screwing him when she thought we’d be an item she didn’t really have an answer. She said she wanted to stop it soon but that the guy was sorta all over her and insistent.
I asked her if she thought it was right for us to go on loads of dates and dinners and stuff and I only got the hug and kisses treatment at the end of the night while all the while the other guy was getting sex. She didn’t have an answer and just kinda cried so I dropped it but I wasn't a chump either. She didn't want to go but I sent her home.
I keep telling myself that I had been played for a sucker. About an hour ago she called me but I didn't pick up. She left a message basically saying she never wanted to hurt me and that she was sorry and what can she do to make it up bla bla bla.
Now I’m hung up on knowing if she continued with FWB dude even AFTER the two of us finally got intimate. She says she can’t really remember exactly when she stopped with him but I don't believe her.
Like I said before, She's a hottie so I just want to have "fun" with her now. Just like FWB dude did - all fun, no hassle, no wining 'n dining chump **** !
I actually do feel kinda bad for the girl (she seems ignorant), but even if you found a resolution in all this and decided to be serious again the bold would scare me in the future.
Ta answer Rigo00123, No we never discussed exclusivity, so yeah, I get it. She can do whatevre she wants. Of course, so can I.
To answer LovesMountains, Yes I DO want to go out ina blaze of glory caue I feel played. I came here to get womens' views / rationales of her behavior.
To answer AverageGuy2006, yup, I agree completely. She was playing me as a sucker and as long term material while gettting it somewhere else.
This woman's point of view is first:
There are NO Friends with benefits, that is a movie and does not exist. One person for the other in the relationships will want to get serious and feelings will get hurt.
Next, there is nothing wrong with her behavior, she was "dating" you, getting to know you, finding out if she wanted to continue dating you. Not exclusive, not engaged, not married, single and exploring her options just like men do.
She was not playing you at all, this is entirely your issue and not hers.
I can guarantee you if you "confronted" me about this issue which is none of your business, I would tell you to eff off and be grateful I dodged a jealous, controlling bullet.
There are NO Friends with benefits, that is a movie and does not exist. One person for the other in the relationships will want to get serious and feelings will get hurt.
Next, there is nothing wrong with her behavior, she was "dating" you, getting to know you, finding out if she wanted to continue dating you. Not exclusive, not engaged, not married, single and exploring her options just like men do.
She was not playing you at all, this is entirely your issue and not hers.
I can guarantee you if you "confronted" me about this issue which is none of your business, I would tell you to eff off and be grateful I dodged a jealous, controlling bullet.
The leap from "not wanting to be with someone that was banging another person while you date" to "jealous and controlling" is ridiculous. I'm sure in that scenario you wouldn't be the only one dodging a bullet.
Thanks for the followup. I called it from the very beginning. Typical theory of lover vs provider. And as expected she played the victim card with no control over her actions. How did I know this? Because I've been on both sides, I used to face similar situations as you, except I was much worse at it. After years of self improvement and reflection I became the man I wanted to be, I wasn't a natural, I practiced.
"The guy was all over her and inconsistent, she couldn't stop it!"
"I don't remember how long we were together..."
"We were strolling down the street and 'it just happened'"
Ascension2012 posted this before:
Quote:
Pretty much all women WILL have sex on the first date, as long as you create the right conditions for it. One of these conditions, is giving the woman ability to push the responsibility for sex unto you. This way they can tell their friends "he swept me off my feet, there was nothing I could do" or "i had too much too drink, there was nothing i could do". I can guarantee you, without any doubt, that at least half the female posters in this very thread, who are saying they dont do that, have in fact slept with a guy on a first date in the past - but likely what they mean is they dont do it "anymore". The few that truly havent, havent dated a guy who knew how to create the right conditions. Practicaly none will admit to it, due to social stigma associated with woman's promiscuity. Real life experience, trumps BS and white lies. To know what youre doing, you must understand vast differences between men and women, as well as how each genders sexuality is perceived socially.
You might want to read this article sometime, the title is misleading but it explains some ideas and controversies in this thread in greater detail:
I have already addressed that I don't think that is okay. He is immaturely going the route of "I'm going to teach you a lesson", and I said I don't think that is right. I personally thing the fwb thing throws a grey shadow over a lot of things. I always had assumed (probably wrongly) that girls I was dating weren't getting it on with someone else consistently. I mean why else are we dating? I understand now that it was wrong, but it brings a whole lot of clarity to a couple of situations where my friends told me girls I was dating were making out with someone at said bar.
Welcome to reality. It doesn't really matter if this thread is real or not, it is a perfect example of how some people can rationalize their own ****ty behavior. "Ill play ms good girl for you and penalize you for being LTR material, by making you walk around with blue balls, while I bang losers the moment I meet them, behind your back". Lmao at how ridiculously morally corrupt someone has to be to believe that's ok. And this is coming from someone who has dated several women simultaneously. But guess what I decided to communicate before getting physical or even remotely serious with a new woman. "Just to be upfront, Im currently dating other women. If this becomes any more than casual dating, Im open to exclusivity talk whenever the time is right." People are such scumbags today its unbelievable, and the way they justify their sluttish behavior is mind numbing. Where is your moral compass?
Thanks for the followup. I called it from the very beginning. Typical theory of lover vs provider. And as expected she played the victim card with no control over her actions. How did I know this? Because I've been on both sides, I used to face similar situations as you, except I was much worse at it. After years of self improvement and reflection I became the man I wanted to be, I wasn't a natural, I practiced.
"The guy was all over her and inconsistent, she couldn't stop it!"
"I don't remember how long we were together..."
"We were strolling down the street and 'it just happened'"
Ascension2012 posted this before:
Pretty much all women WILL have sex on the first date, as long as you create the right conditions for it. One of these conditions, is giving the woman ability to push the responsibility for sex unto you. This way they can tell their friends "he swept me off my feet, there was nothing I could do" or "i had too much too drink, there was nothing i could do". I can guarantee you, without any doubt, that at least half the female posters in this very thread, who are saying they dont do that, have in fact slept with a guy on a first date in the past - but likely what they mean is they dont do it "anymore". The few that truly havent, havent dated a guy who knew how to create the right conditions. Practicaly none will admit to it, due to social stigma associated with woman's promiscuity. Real life experience, trumps BS and white lies. To know what youre doing, you must understand vast differences between men and women, as well as how each genders sexuality is perceived socially.
lol this exact post you mention was running through my head when OP followed up with the girl's confession.
The girl's "I don't remember how long we were FWBs" part that OP described is hilarious.
When I start dating someone new I make it clear from the very first date that I expect that person to be exclusive to me. I mean I don't say we should start "going steady" but I do expect their to be no other men in the picture.
Anyone who would continue to have a sexual or emotional relationship with another while dating me I would not consider.
I think the guns blazing and confrontation approach sounds quite nice haha but only as a spectator.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme
When I start dating someone new I make it clear from the very first date that I expect that person to be exclusive to me.
I can't believe any self respecting woman would put up with that type of controlling viewpoint/attitude.
Edit: Although, I guess you're a gay man seeing your answers in the pity sex thread. Maybe it is a different dynamic.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
