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I tried several times to break up with him, when it became clear to me that he did not have the same feelings that I have for him. But each time he would wear me down with apologies and sweet words for several weeks. But he NEVER changed his feelings and made that clear. I was having to devote a lot of time to work also, so just seeing someone a few times a week appealed to me, and I just let it go on. Dating someone new is so much effort! Besides which we were having so much darn fun, taking short trips and just having a good time.
To the poster who was wondering why he is now so insistant on marriage, he is from a different culture that practices arranged marriage, and having a baby out of wedlock is the worst shame that can happen.
I'll probably do it for that reason. He'd be outcasted from his community otherwise. I am just really tired and not feeling good right now and feel like I can't think straight, but this discussion has helped. Thanks to all.
it sounds to me like he does not have enough self awareness to have a long term happy marriage.
I think you should remain best friends and raise the child together (and have sex if you feel like it), but leave open the possibility that in a few years you will be ready to date and will find a man who loves you and your toddler.
To the poster who was wondering why he is now so insistant on marriage, he is from a different culture that practices arranged marriage, and having a baby out of wedlock is the worst shame that can happen.
I'll probably do it for that reason. He'd be outcasted from his community otherwise. I am just really tired and not feeling good right now and feel like I can't think straight, but this discussion has helped. Thanks to all.
Best of luck to you pan - I know you must feel overwhelmed right now.
Take the time to really consider all the facts and options, then make the best choice you can.
A baby is such a blessing to folks who really want one, so I'm sure you will experience more joy than you can imagine after yours arrives
I've been dating a man for about 2.5 years and am 13 weeks pregnant. We have a good relationship but he always told me that he didn't have emotional feelings for me; just more like a best friend. Now that he has found out about the pregnancy he is begging me to marry him. But I don't know if I can see it, because I know he would not consider it otherwise. The pregnancy was not planned but is very wanted after I got over the shock. We are both early 40's so its not like we are kids. I just don't know if I can face being married to someone that I love very much and knowing he does not love me... for the rest of my life.
It sounds like he does love you. Sometimes people just don't know how to say the right thing in the right way. And actions speak louder than words. Marry the man.
To the poster who was wondering why he is now so insistant on marriage, he is from a different culture that practices arranged marriage, and having a baby out of wedlock is the worst shame that can happen.
I'll probably do it for that reason. He'd be outcasted from his community otherwise. I am just really tired and not feeling good right now and feel like I can't think straight, but this discussion has helped. Thanks to all.
So his underlying motivation for marriage is a rather selfish one. He obviously felt romantic enough about you at one time for the pregnancy to occur unless his motivation at that time was completely selfish as well. Either way, it doesn't bode well for the future. If you want the baby, have the baby but consider him a biological donor and file for child support.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
You don't love your best friend?
I love him like the brother I never had. That is much different than someone who I am supposed to sleep with and raise a child with for the rest of my life.
I love him like the brother I never had. That is much different than someone who I am supposed to sleep with and raise a child with for the rest of my life.
But...they ARE sleeping together and enjoying each other's company, etc.
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