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So, my girl friend cheated on me.
so i cut all ties without giving my opinion.
She kept emailing me and blaming me for it all.
I have been NC for 2 months now, but i have urges to tell her how badly she messed up coz she seems to feel no guilt.
But then again i realise it probably wont to much.
Anybody ever done this and regretted not having somebody know how you feel?
Not really.
No regrets.
'Letting her know' is only more drama in my eyes. I just walk away with no contact. Those situations are difficult enough as is, let alone try to get someone to acknowledge they did wrong.
Getting most people to admit they did wrong, even cheating is extremely difficult.
Most people will justify their actions at any level to convince others that the person they wronged, in this case cheated, is justified.
When someone cheats, I walk away never to contact them again. Let the next person deal with that mess.
So, my girl friend cheated on me.
so i cut all ties without giving my opinion.
She kept emailing me and blaming me for it all.
I have been NC for 2 months now, but i have urges to tell her how badly she messed up coz she seems to feel no guilt.
But then again i realise it probably wont to much.
Anybody ever done this and regretted not having somebody know how you feel?
When you feel like somebody screwed you over, the natural human response is to hope for them to feel something approximating the same intensity of what you're feeling...regret, guilt, pain, whatever, and feel like you got to have your say about whatever it was that they did. The people who tell you that they were very zen about the experience of being hurt or betrayed, didn't require closure, and felt fine about it are 99% of the time full of crap...they had the same "Hey, this sucks, and I'm angry with you and hope you feel even a hint of the pain and/bad feelings I'm feeling, and, yeah, I'd like to speak my piece, too," thoughts as anyone else, initially, most likely.
There is a time for negative and uncharitable feelings...but there's also a time for getting past them. Feeling angry or resentful is a stage of grieving, but not one you should get hung up on...eventually, you have to move past it. I'm not saying that it happens right away for everyone...for most people, it doesn't happen right away, unless they weren't all that invested in the relationship or person to begin with. And you're not even necessarily ever going to get to a place where you feel exactly warm fuzzy about it in retrospect, or benevolent and "I should really thank him/her, as it was all for the best in the long run" all the time (even if it was for the best...it was definitely for the best that my ex and I are no longer together, and I certainly wouldn't be on the verge of marrying a truly great man or be living the life I am now, but, uh, that doesn't make his treatment of me any less ****ty or disrespectful, and I certainly don't have charitable feelings toward him for the things he did to end our relationship, no).
You probably feel consumed with letting her know what a mistake she made, what a crap decision it was, that she'll regret screwing up your relationship, etc. You think it will make you feel better or vindicated to know that she's thinking inside "Oh, sh*t, what have I done?" But the truth is, she's probably not thinking that, and it really doesn't affect your life one way or another if she does or doesn't think that. The truth is, the only real closure you can get is closure you can control, yourself...actively deciding you're going to move on and live your life, knowing that another person's choices ultimately will be theirs alone to deal with, and you'll have to deal with your reaction to what's happened alone, too. Another person isn't going to hear you telling them all the things they did wrong, anyway, because nobody thinks their decisions are wrong in a situation like this.
Your ex knows how you feel, if she knows you at all, whether or not you have your say. If she were particularly preoccupied with your feelings, though, she wouldn't have cheated. For me, cutting off contact was essential to my healthily moving forward. There was nothing to be gained by talking to my ex once I had moved out, and he had dumped our dog in a shelter. I had to talk to him a couple of times after the fact to handle some tax documentation and get the title to my car, but we handled that via businesslike e-mail, and other than that, I had nothing to say to him that would have mattered enough to make talking to him worthwhile. I certainly had no desire to see him face-to-face, and haven't, since the day the last of my things was gone, well over a year ago. Did I hope he felt the same type of pain I felt, or at least regret? Sure, initially...it wasn't fair to me that he could wage such pain at no cost to himself, that he didn't have to be the one to uproot his life after five years together, that he didn't have to give up things he loved, that he wasn't the one feeling lied to and made a fool of. But, now, I don't care one way or another what he felt or feels. His life, and his feelings are no longer my concern, and that's not a bad thing, not by any stretch.
But in your situation I would take the right to do what is best for me - call and yell at her for a while. Or let her fly in and yell at her in person.
And then never see her again.
I am probably the only one here who thinks like that. But I know I would feel much better after letting it all out.
Of course you can also just drive your car into the middle of nowhere and scream very loud. It's not quite the same, but it helps a bit, too.
He cut off contact, and she's jumping on the defensive in response. Sounds to me like he got to her without having to say a word.
I agree, vent all you want, OP. But venting TO this person won't do anything, really...except perhaps give her fodder to continue to try and justify her own actions.
My ex cheated on me and we broke up. Yet she remained friends with MY friends on FB. wtf? That kinda pisses me off. I wish she'd delete them and stay with her own friends or vice verse.
One of my other friends told me she remains their friends on FB because she can't let go. I'm not sure though.
So, my girl friend cheated on me.
so i cut all ties without giving my opinion.
She kept emailing me and blaming me for it all.
I have been NC for 2 months now, but i have urges to tell her how badly she messed up coz she seems to feel no guilt.
But then again i realise it probably wont to much.
Anybody ever done this and regretted not having somebody know how you feel?
I was engaged to someone that cheated on me a month before I was to return from Iraq.
Yea, I wanted to rip her eyes out.
But in the end, I realized that it was the best thing that had ever happened to me, as I had averted marrying a skank unbeknownst to me.
Your ex doesn't need to know that you're better off and why.
You're better off. That's all that matters.
I was engaged to someone that cheated on me a month before I was to return from Iraq.
Yea, I wanted to rip her eyes out. But in the end, I realized that it was the best thing that had ever happened to me, as I had averted marrying a skank unbeknownst to me.
Your ex doesn't need to know that you're better off and why.
You're better off. That's all that matters.
Exactly!!! Good for you!!!
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