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Old 11-28-2013, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 600,079 times
Reputation: 248

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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneManBanned View Post
Yeah, that's three times too many, plus you've white knighted her twice when she's given you nothing. You're not getting what I'm saying. I wish you the best, but you're starting in a bad spot..
Asking her out isn't white knighting her its the only way to get a relationship going...

Also all three times I actually started it because I could tell there was a problem. I mean I'm not going to be an ass to her. I really don't believe in that theory, I know it does not work with girls that actually respect themselves.
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Old 11-28-2013, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 600,079 times
Reputation: 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by goofy328 View Post
Sounds like you're in the friend zone, to be completely honest. If she really wanted you it would have happened way back when. Doesn't matter if she had a boyfriend at the time or not I've seen girls dump boyfriends or step out on them with other dudes all the time. You could have been enjoying her at the same time, but you didn't, and now you want to because she is supposed to be available. If a girl is truly feeling you she doesn't care so much about her other obligations, I don't care what she says. You may eventually get in, but it isn't worth your time. Only feels like it is because she's holding you at bay; you probably do not believe what I'm saying but I've been there before, cut your losses and move on.

You really have to make this girl want you. Where you're at now, she has the upper hand, because she knows you're right there as soon as the crumbs fall off of the table. You're worth more than that, and you're better than that. Not worth my time, but if you're really interested cut all communications with her. If nothing else she'll desire your attention again, whether she ever does want you or not.
My thinking has been that she may have warmed up to me and finally dumped the bf. I mean that kind of thing doesn't happen overnight. I've been in her place before, where I was dating some chick and then someone else comes along and its only after I'm done with the first girl I realize what the second one has to offer.
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Old 11-28-2013, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Norfolk, VA
5,780 posts, read 5,512,612 times
Reputation: 3139
Quote:
Originally Posted by InternetTroll View Post
Asking her out isn't white knighting her its the only way to get a relationship going...

Also all three times I actually started it because I could tell there was a problem. I mean I'm not going to be an ass to her. I really don't believe in that theory, I know it does not work with girls that actually respect themselves.
There is a difference between being a nice guy and being a good guy. Girls like nice guys, but good guys actually respect themselves enough to leave girls who do not give them the respect they deserve in return.

You mention "problems" and "being an a*". Again, it truly sounds like you're in the friend zone, because those are concerns that friends have, not potential suitors. Being good is part of who you are, it isn't something you can turn on or turn off depending on the type of response you get from the girl; the feedback you're getting. Being nice is. If you've been good to her all the time, and you still aren't in the relationship with her she isn't worth your time. She can like you for who you are, but if that doesn't turn her on there is no relationship to speak of.

I don't know what she's telling you, but what you've done, I've done for several years with one girl. Save yourself a lot of time and trouble and move on with your life.
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Old 11-28-2013, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 600,079 times
Reputation: 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by goofy328 View Post
There is a difference between being a nice guy and being a good guy. Girls like nice guys, but good guys actually respect themselves enough to leave girls who do not give them the respect they deserve in return.

You mention "problems" and "being an a*". Again, it truly sounds like you're in the friend zone, because those are concerns that friends have, not potential suitors. Being good is part of who you are, it isn't something you can turn on or turn off depending on the type of response you get from the girl; the feedback you're getting. Being nice is. If you're been good to her all the time, and you still aren't in the relationship with her she isn't worth your time. She can like you for who you are, but if that doesn't turn her on there is no relationship to speak of.
I guess what I'm saying is I feel like something has changed and some of my friends do to. My friends are telling me I should go for her because she is obviously interested.

With all this she is really nice/good to me when I am to her. Its not like she just sits around. If I ask her for a favor she does it and she complements me and asks me how my day is going and stuff like that. I feel that I get more out of this relationship than I put into it. So there would be no point in me pushing her away.

Also I'm not going to be a dick to a girl I'm dating, I'd much more worried about being an a** with a gf and be worried abut her problems than I would with a friend. I mean I care way more about someone I'm with than I do about my friends feelings.
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Old 11-28-2013, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,006 posts, read 8,195,082 times
Reputation: 11406
It already is a thing, no?

She has been test driving you.

Now she's sold the old car and wants to buy yours.

How much are you worth?
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Old 11-28-2013, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 5,995,425 times
Reputation: 3245
Quote:
Originally Posted by InternetTroll View Post
Actually I am 100% certain I was the only person she flirted with as hard as she did with me. So there. Also I'm not going to pass her up given the chance, that's not going to change. I really see no harm in dating her for a while and seeing if it works out.
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

And the previous dude was 100% sure she wasn't having an emotional affair on him, either... Or, maybe he caught on and dumped her. You'll never know because she's only going to tell you want she thinks you want to hear.

Know why? Because she is an manipulative b**** that can't be independent, so she creates the "victim" or "damsel in distress" character to strike your cords, and BAM! You swoop in to her rescue! You are her little puppet!

You know, I have been to a few parties in my day and met a lot of men, and sometimes really intoxicated at the time. Never once has a man harassed me with inappropriate touching. Now, I have had a man hit on me several times and not get the subtle hint that I wasn't interested ... and, as an outspoken and independent woman, this stopped very quickly. Because I can take care of myself. I don't need to allow some shenanigans to go on and on until someone else steps up to save me from the perpetrator.

You, sir, are being played like a fiddle.

And, once she has you on the hook - because, she is the type that can't be alone - she'll string you along until she's bored and ready to move to the next. But hey, if you're good with that.. by all means, enjoy the ride!

Quote:
Originally Posted by InternetTroll View Post
Wouldn't count on forever. And really I wouldn't care if she has backups or some crap as long as she's not doing anything (including initiating flirting) with them. I mean she's bound to attract other people.
You don't care that she has her list of backups? Really?

Because if I am going to give someone my time; my very precious time.. I am doing so because I think we're really compatible and would like to see how it works out. Not because I'm taking on the idea of "I will do for now until she finds something better" mentality.

Have some dignity for yourself, man.
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Old 11-28-2013, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 600,079 times
Reputation: 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12 View Post
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

And the previous dude was 100% sure she wasn't having an emotional affair on him, either... Or, maybe he caught on and dumped her. You'll never know because she's only going to tell you want she thinks you want to hear.

Know why? Because she is an manipulative b**** that can't be independent, so she creates the "victim" or "damsel in distress" character to strike your cords, and BAM! You swoop in to her rescue! You are her little puppet!

You know, I have been to a few parties in my day and met a lot of men, and sometimes really intoxicated at the time. Never once has a man harassed me with inappropriate touching. Now, I have had a man hit on me several times and not get the subtle hint that I wasn't interested ... and, as an outspoken and independent woman, this stopped very quickly. Because I can take care of myself. I don't need to allow some shenanigans to go on and on until someone else steps up to save me from the perpetrator.

You, sir, are being played like a fiddle.

And, once she has you on the hook - because, she is the type that can't be alone - she'll string you along until she's bored and ready to move to the next. But hey, if you're good with that.. by all means, enjoy the ride!
The guy knew what was going on, they weren't officially dating and that was ok in their relationship. I wouldn't have liked it if it were me but whatever. I mean the other guy knew about me and disliked me for it. Like I said people hit on her and she might be nice for a very short period of time but as soon as anyone gives off the vibe they're actually interested she shuts them down, well anyone but me. So I'm the only guy that has gone as far as I have and it be welcome. I mean I can get way into her personal space which is a big deal for her.

The guy at the party wasn't hitting on touching her, it was more like abusive touching. Its a long story but basically the guy was drunk and was trying to mess with her like he would with a guy friend and it got out of hand. Its especially bad because she likes her personal space. She didn't create that situation.
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Old 11-28-2013, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Norfolk, VA
5,780 posts, read 5,512,612 times
Reputation: 3139
Quote:
Originally Posted by InternetTroll View Post
I guess what I'm saying is I feel like something has changed and some of my friends do to. My friends are telling me I should go for her because she is obviously interested.

With all this she is really nice/good to me when I am to her. Its not like she just sits around. If I ask her for a favor she does it and she complements me and asks me how my day is going and stuff like that. I feel that I get more out of this relationship than I put into it. So there would be no point in me pushing her away.

Also I'm not going to be a dick to a girl I'm dating, I'd much more worried about being an a** with a gf and be worried abut her problems than I would with a friend. I mean I care way more about someone I'm with than I do about my friends feelings.
You sound like a really nice guy. It also sounds like she is taking you for a ride. Friends have a way of telling us what we want to hear. If it is a relationship, it is an emotional affair.

Do you really want an intimate relationship with this girl? I'm not referring to sex, but really knowing her? It seems like she needs an ear, and you're in the background, regardless of who she's with.

I did what you're doing now. Then I went to college and met someone else. Needless to say the girl wasn't happy for me. We even went on a date. Looking back on it, this was the best decision I ever made. In my eyes, we were still friends. In her eyes, I was emotionally unavailable. Save yourself a lot of time and trouble and move on with your life.
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Old 11-28-2013, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 600,079 times
Reputation: 248
Quote:
Originally Posted by goofy328 View Post
You sound like a really nice guy. It also sounds like she is taking you for a ride. Friends have a way of telling us what we want to hear. If it is a relationship, it is an emotional affair.

Do you really want an intimate relationship with this girl? I'm not referring to sex, but really knowing her? It seems like she needs an ear, and you're in the background, regardless of who she's with.

I did what you're doing now. Then I went to college and met someone else. Needless to say the girl wasn't happy for me. We even went on a date. Looking back on it, this was the best decision I ever made. In my eyes, we were still friends. In her eyes, I was emotionally unavailable. Save yourself a lot of time and trouble and move on with your life.
I mean here's the thing. I like her, that's simply the way it is. I also think she has feelings for me and it sounds like as a whole there is a good chance I can do something with her. So I'd like to date her, see how she is, and then make my call. I feel like it would be stupid to push her away and not give her a shot based on what anyone on here says.

Now I have not and will not be her friend that she dumps her emotional garbage on, I do not allow that regardless of how I feel about her. I don't mind what we have done so far, I feel like our existing friendship is mutually beneficial. So I am honestly not being used by some bitchy chick, I would never let that happen.

Like I said to onemanband the kind of advice you're giving doesn't really matter or help me much. I'm not going to pass up at least trying a relationship with her and I'm not being used as a friend so I'm not going to push her away.
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Old 11-28-2013, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Norfolk, VA
5,780 posts, read 5,512,612 times
Reputation: 3139
Quote:
Originally Posted by InternetTroll View Post
I mean here's the thing. I like her, that's simply the way it is. I also think she has feelings for me and it sounds like as a whole there is a good chance I can do something with her. So I'd like to date her, see how she is, and then make my call. I feel like it would be stupid to push her away and not give her a shot based on what anyone on here says.

Now I have not and will not be her friend that she dumps her emotional garbage on, I do not allow that regardless of how I feel about her. I don't mind what we have done so far, I feel like our existing friendship is mutually beneficial. So I am honestly not being used by some bitchy chick, I would never let that happen.

Like I said to onemanband the kind of advice you're giving doesn't really matter or help me much. I'm not going to pass up at least trying a relationship with her and I'm not being used as a friend so I'm not going to push her away.
As long as you're okay with the relationship the way it is. It may be what you need in your life at the moment. But you have to take charge and you have to take control. Girls generally do not respect guys that don't, even though they'll sleep with them and hang out with them. Don't take any crap from her, but don't be a jerk or an a** in the way you don't any crap from her and you should be okay.
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