Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-01-2013, 09:49 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,973,359 times
Reputation: 6848

Advertisements

I'm glad it's not that .

He sounds like he likes you an awful lot .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-01-2013, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,749,212 times
Reputation: 15643
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I am not an older man, and I know you asked for replies from older men. I am a 46-year-old woman, though, and in my experience a man will SHOW you how he feels before he tells you.

I think your instincts are correct, and to me it feels like he is trying to convince himself that you are the one. Like he feels that you check off MOST of his boxes but not quite enough.
Yes, my fear is this is right. I guess what I'm wondering is this: would a man know for sure that he is or isn't into someone on the first date or do they need more time? More exposure? Esp with an older man? I don't have a lot of experience with older men b/c I was married for so long. The last man I dated fell for me right away but he had Borderline PD--he was talking marriage weeks into the relationship!

Or are you right and I'm almost good enough to drive all that way for but now it's been so long he's not sure?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-01-2013, 10:32 PM
 
Location: USA
30,697 posts, read 21,836,679 times
Reputation: 18905
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
OK, but I can predict that it will be a great date. It's what will happen in the days and weeks following that I am concerned about. I fear that he's a lot happier being penpals but do men write that much to women they're not interested in?
Stepka, I sense there is something else going on. Not sure what it is but at 61 I would think a man would be more decisive then your guy. Best advice I can give is have low expectations for the guy until he becomes a little clearer on his intentions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-01-2013, 10:39 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,724 posts, read 21,178,650 times
Reputation: 14823
In Wyoming a 5-hour drive is going out for a pizza.

But I'm an older guy -- married now but was dating into my mid-50s. If I made a second 10-hour trip to see a woman it was because I was definitely interested in her as a long-term partner. Would I know if she was the right one after one meeting? Absolutely not. I could feel like she most likely would be, but that was very rare (once), might possibly be, probably wasn't, or definitely wasn't. Definitely wasn't didn't get a second chance. Probably wasn't didn't get a second chance unless the sex was very good.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-01-2013, 11:24 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,311,700 times
Reputation: 43047
I have many thoughts, but it is late here in Denver, and I've got to be awake again soon.

I just wanted to say that I definitely do not think the bows and ribbons comment necessarily meant he thought your appearance was lacking. It just seems like a throwaway comment to me. Whatever it was, I definitely do not believe it was any sort of criticism or disparagement of you.

I'd say relax and just have fun. Enjoy tomorrow! And give us the details, step!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2013, 04:36 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,378 posts, read 24,375,940 times
Reputation: 17415
I think distance is the issue. He likes you a lot, but traveling to maintain the relationship won't work. He's right. Don't overthink it or beat yourself up over it. Distance is a legitimate deal breaker.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2013, 05:08 AM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,749,212 times
Reputation: 15643
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
In Wyoming a 5-hour drive is going out for a pizza.

But I'm an older guy -- married now but was dating into my mid-50s. If I made a second 10-hour trip to see a woman it was because I was definitely interested in her as a long-term partner. Would I know if she was the right one after one meeting? Absolutely not. I could feel like she most likely would be, but that was very rare (once), might possibly be, probably wasn't, or definitely wasn't. Definitely wasn't didn't get a second chance. Probably wasn't didn't get a second chance unless the sex was very good.
Hmm, maybe I'm no lower than the "might possibly be" category? No sex yet so can't speak to that. I must admit I'm tempted to jump the gun while I still have breasts but that's the kind of crazy thoughts a gal has when faced with this. I'd be brokenhearted if I gave it up too soon and then slipped down into the "probably not" category.

But yeah Ellie, I think distance is the main issue but OTOH, I'm willing to deal with it. Or rather, the way I put it to him is this: "I don't know if I want a relationship with you yet. What I look at is whether I want to see you again just one more time. If so, then I hope you want to see me one more time again." So, I'm trying not to think ahead relationship-wise too much. When I told him this in my last email, I don't know if it was that or not, but right after that he decided to visit again. Either that or we were getting a bit naughty in our texts yesterday, though I've made it clear that it ain't happenin unless in a relationship.

And Jrz, I didn't read it that way either--he's just a very funny man--I often laugh all thru his letters, even the ones that have serious parts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2013, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,749,212 times
Reputation: 15643
Update: MRI got cancelled so we put off the date until Sunday. I think I know how I'm going to handle it though. If I sense any foot dragging at all, I'm just going to tell him that if he finds himself making excuses or not looking forward to this, that we should just cancel. I think I finally figured it out--I "look good on paper" and there are no red flags except for the cancer, but he's just not excited enough I think. Now, today was a horrible day for a date--we both have to drive like crazy and both work tomorrow so I know why we had to cancel but he's not making promises for Sunday either. I think a lot of men don't know how to say let's be friends, but I have the feeling that's what it's going to be. We'll see though. I told him I don't want a pity boyfriend, so let's see how he handles it. I've got enough on my plate anyway--don't know what I'm thinking.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2013, 04:38 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,978 posts, read 52,426,362 times
Reputation: 52478
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Update: MRI got cancelled so we put off the date until Sunday. I think I know how I'm going to handle it though. If I sense any foot dragging at all, I'm just going to tell him that if he finds himself making excuses or not looking forward to this, that we should just cancel. I think I finally figured it out--I "look good on paper" and there are no red flags except for the cancer, but he's just not excited enough I think. Now, today was a horrible day for a date--we both have to drive like crazy and both work tomorrow so I know why we had to cancel but he's not making promises for Sunday either. I think a lot of men don't know how to say let's be friends, but I have the feeling that's what it's going to be. We'll see though. I told him I don't want a pity boyfriend, so let's see how he handles it. I've got enough on my plate anyway--don't know what I'm thinking.
Keep us updated on the prognosis, if you wish to share, that is.

I think my gut is telling me that maybe the distance thing might be a bit much for him, but like you said, see how it goes, it would be nice if he just was straight out about it, seems to be waffling a bit, as you've seem to indicate.

Best luck to you.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2013, 04:41 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,973,359 times
Reputation: 6848
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Keep us updated on the prognosis, if you wish to share, that is.

I think my gut is telling me that maybe the distance thing might be a bit much for him, but like you said, see how it goes, it would be nice if he just was straight out about it, seems to be waffling a bit, as you've seem to indicate.

Best luck to you.

Maybe he's afraid to say no because you are awesome, but afraid to say yes because of the distance?

Big hugs, and wishing you luck with health and with guys . And with the health care system .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top