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Maybe he's afraid to say no because you are awesome, but afraid to say yes because of the distance?
Big hugs, and wishing you luck with health and with guys . And with the health care system .
Yes yes Nila, I'm sure that's it. Thank you for corroborating.
And oh my lord, don't get me started on the healthcare system--I'm so angry right now I'm seeing red, b/c some dumbsh*t didn't code the MRI correctly so insurance didn't accept it and then she lied when she set the appt to cover her butt and we had to cancel the whole thing today. Yes, I would not have been lovely on the date, lol.
And yes guys, I'm sure it's the distance thing but if he were truly excited, I don't think it would bother him as much. After all, it's a long way for me too.
You said you met because he swung by on his way home from his daughter's home. Is he going to see his daughter again on this second visit?
I ask because it almost sounds like it was just convenient for him to visit - not that he was motivated by his attraction to you. If that's the case the second time, I wouldn't be very excited about the potential.
I think distance is the issue. He likes you a lot, but traveling to maintain the relationship won't work. He's right. Don't overthink it or beat yourself up over it. Distance is a legitimate deal breaker.
I agree with Ellie. I have met some great guys OL and then in person over the last few months, witty, good-looking, and educated, with exciting jobs/pastimes....however most of them just live too far to get together over hot chocolate or to grab a movie or concert, or anything casual. It would be a whole lot of driving and arranging. I've been the one to fade out in those cases, because my jobs and family things make it impossible to get together.
I'm at the point where I don't even answer messages if they live over 50 miles away, because I know I would never be able to work that out in actual relationship-land.
So, I just think it's that. He's 61 (older than us) and may just be kind of a homebody and won't admit it.
Re: the 'bows and ribbons' comment --
First thought -- aw, that's really old-fashioned and sweet.
Second thought -- that's kind of gay.
...but then, I have a super-twitchy gay-dar, as do you, I'm sure!
You said you met because he swung by on his way home from his daughter's home. Is he going to see his daughter again on this second visit?
I ask because it almost sounds like it was just convenient for him to visit - not that he was motivated by his attraction to you. If that's the case the second time, I wouldn't be very excited about the potential.
No, it was way out of the way the first time--added hours to his trip and this time he was just going to drive down, which would have made for an 8 hr day of drive time. LOL on the gay-dar. He's not exactly homophobic from what I can tell, and that would be a deal breaker for me having a gay daughter, but he's from Alabama. Nuff said. LOL.
Y'know, I have been hesitant to mention this, because it's a subject I am ignorant about and no one else has brought it up, but um, er... do guys tend to be less motivated when they are older?
I mean, they are always talking about how their sex drive is so much less than when they were young (at least, guys I know are). Does this make them less willing to initiate relationship stuff?
And if so, do women need to do more, and is it difficult to balance that with not making him feel steamrollered into something?
Y'know, I have been hesitant to mention this, because it's a subject I am ignorant about and no one else has brought it up, but um, er... do guys tend to be less motivated when they are older?
I mean, they are always talking about how their sex drive is so much less than when they were young (at least, guys I know are). Does this make them less willing to initiate relationship stuff?
And if so, do women need to do more, and is it difficult to balance that with not making him feel steamrollered into something?
Yes, that's exactly what I'm asking about I think, only you said it better. Men?
First, I'm sorry to hear about your health issues, Stepka, take care of yourself!
I'm a woman. For what it's worth, my guy is 55 to my 51 and we've been dating for close to a year since meeting online. A couple of times he did make mention that he's no longer young... but he's still able to deliver (I think he takes a bit longer), if you know what I mean. Both of us came out of long marriages (over 20 years for each of us), where each of us respectively made the decision to leave our spouses. We left our respective marriage for incompatibility problems, we didn't know each other when we left. Also, he has four kids, I have three, about the same age, although my kids are more mature and independent.
There are a few things that I have noticed:
- he is taking it slow in regards to our relationship, but I think it's due to issues with his relationship with his daughter
- we're not living together, I live in my own place the next building over, and he seems content with that
- he's says that he wants a relationship (that's why he was on-line) and I have to trust that he does
In the course of online dating, I find that most men in their mid-fifties say that they generally want to be in a relationship and give a good chase, but not solely for sex. They are also slowing down a bit, they are realizing their limitations and they generally want to be taken care of. They may also be more traditional as well.
Stepka, I'm thinking that in your situation, the two issues would possibly be both distance and your new health issues.
Yes, that's exactly what I'm asking about I think, only you said it better. Men?
A lessening of the sex drive and does it impact the drive for a relationship.... IDK..... I think in some ways it may make a guy become more "honest", maybe more of a connection, mentally, or spiritually, instead of just trying to get some steady.... you know what......
IDK.... just shooting from the hip.... the flip side is now without the desire to break off some, he might shine women more.... IDK
Does the part about "a bow and ribbons" bother anybody else?
I assumed he meant in the context of a present or gift.
Quote:
You are a really nice package, you just need a bow and maybe a few ribbons
[or maybe he wants to tie her up]
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. And with the health care system 
.
