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This is a spinoff of my previous post regarding dating and disappearing acts. This is will sound weird coming from a mid-twenty something but it just boggles my mind at how easy it is for folks to cut people out of their lives. I feel like we are told so often to let folks go that it becomes normal for us. In the dating world, people cut off relationships and communication for the smallest infractions...and move on. I have a genuine interest in people's lives so it's hard for me to just accept never speaking to someone I have met again. Let's face it not everyone you date Is the person you'll marry but it may be a future best friend, business connection...great addition to your life.
Why have we perfected the art of goodbye? Have you all ever cut someone off and end up regretting your decision or thinking of that person?
So true, a gift. I was left twice without even a goodbye. How hard is it too say goodbye to someone?
One was a woman I dated when I was younger and we stayed in contact as close friends until a year ago. She would always say "what Floozy are you dating now" when we talked, and never conceiled her jeolousy of whoever I was with. She just stopped calling, texting and emailing me one day. So, I guess I was left as a friend? The second woman was the most compatible person I have ever been with in my life to date. Unfortunately she invited so much drama into her life from her family and friends I had to limit my exposure to her. Same thing as #1, she just stopped responding to my calls and Texts. I saw the new man on her FB page 3 months after she ghosted me.
I really feel robbed and being a grown adult man I should know better. Would still like a to hear a "Goodbye" to this day.
When people are toxic, I don't see any reason to keep them in my life. One of my very good friends, even a best friend, from high school, would always flake out on me. She wouldn't even call me to cancel plans, she'd just not show up or answer the phone. I was always worried about her, I couldn't care less if she didn't want to go. I wanted to know she was okay. I'd get a call a week or two later with some excuse. She was an awesome friend otherwise.
At one point in my life I decided to toss all the toxic people. She was one of them. I was tired of being disrespected. You don't treat friends like that. I have never once regretted dumping the people I let go. My life was so much better after and way less stressful.
I only keep people in my life if they add to my life. If they suck me dry, I phase them out. If I can't phase them out, I just don't talk to them a lot. Enough to keep things fine, but not so much that they affect me. Life isn't worth being around people that suck the life out of you. So yeah, I say good-bye when I need to without regrets. I don't understand people who keep toxic people in their lives.....this includes family members.
This is a spinoff of my previous post regarding dating and disappearing acts. This is will sound weird coming from a mid-twenty something but it just boggles my mind at how easy it is for folks to cut people out of their lives. I feel like we are told so often to let folks go that it becomes normal for us. In the dating world, people cut off relationships and communication for the smallest infractions...and move on. I have a genuine interest in people's lives so it's hard for me to just accept never speaking to someone I have met again. Let's face it not everyone you date Is the person you'll marry but it may be a future best friend, business connection...great addition to your life.
Why have we perfected the art of goodbye? Have you all ever cut someone off and end up regretting your decision or thinking of that person?
I agree with you here, but for the most part I think people cut it off, because it's what people do when they seek or start another relationship. Most new partners would have issues with the EX staying around as a "friend"
So true, a gift. I was left twice without even a goodbye. How hard is it too say goodbye to someone? \
There may be some that truly do not want to give the courtesy of a goodbye but my belief is that for most people it is the fear that the other person will not handle the decision maturely. Way too many people act like children and throw fits and tantrums or worse start fights and accusations. When one person wants to end the relationship then it's their right to do so and it may suck but the decision has to be respected and starting a fight over it is not in good taste. Just end it and move on.
Breaking up is difficult as it is, people do not realize that the decision is also often times very agonizing for the person initiating the break up and bearing a further brunt of negativity only increases this pain and it is undeserved.
My last two breakups were pretty amicable and both my ex'es thankfully handled the decision graciously even though the moments were obviously difficult..it's the grown up thing to do.
My current relationship, if we do end up breaking up it's going to be traumatic...why? because the person I am with has major abandonment issues (due to childhood trauma), suddenly gets emotionally crazy, starts accusatory fights etc. and I just don't want to put myself through that and I don't simply want to drop off the face of the earth after 2 years since I do care about this person. I would still do it face to face though.
I have never been dumped but I find it highly rude and mean to just disappear. You do not give the other person a chance to know what is wrong or to better him/herself. This person will always wonder what she/he did wrong. Not fair.
How can people change if they don't know why they don't get loved or accepted? Some people don't want to change but I am a person, if I get rejected by several guys for the same reason, I would try to change to higher my success in dating. So please tell me why you don't want me and if it makes sense, I will change.
Even when I just date for a few weeks and I lose interest, I will let that person know. If you are too much of a coward to do it in person, at least send an explaining text or email. And even though I tell my guys why I lost interest, nobody hates me. I am still in contact with some of my exes.
When people are toxic, I don't see any reason to keep them in my life. One of my very good friends, even a best friend, from high school, would always flake out on me. She wouldn't even call me to cancel plans, she'd just not show up or answer the phone. I was always worried about her, I couldn't care less if she didn't want to go. I wanted to know she was okay. I'd get a call a week or two later with some excuse. She was an awesome friend otherwise.
At one point in my life I decided to toss all the toxic people. She was one of them. I was tired of being disrespected. You don't treat friends like that. I have never once regretted dumping the people I let go. My life was so much better after and way less stressful.
I only keep people in my life if they add to my life. If they suck me dry, I phase them out. If I can't phase them out, I just don't talk to them a lot. Enough to keep things fine, but not so much that they affect me. Life isn't worth being around people that suck the life out of you. So yeah, I say good-bye when I need to without regrets. I don't understand people who keep toxic people in their lives.....this includes family members.
I have lately been working on removing toxic people as well.
Problem is, I am discovering at this point in life, I have a lot more friends of convenience than I realized.
Oh well.
Since I've begun heavily online dating, the ghosting act is extremely common. There is no social consequence of ghosting someone. You can be rude and no one knows or cares. It is so easy. People can go on being 'a sweetie' to their social/family circle, and ghost 20 people a year. No one will know.
Oh well, such is life. Try to find people that are interested in the same things you are, and enjoy that moment. Cause you never know when that moment will disappear forever.
I had an ex who just could never get her head around people who didn't think like her. I really fail to see why someone who is angry with you... whether in your opinion their feeling is justified... if they feel that way about it... they don't owe you anything. Not even goodbye. Get over it. And them. The ex above and myself still text and chat online and occasionally by phone. Sometimes months go by without any communication. No goodbye in other words. Then one or the other of us will just pick it up again. Why don't some of you try that with people that have "ghosted" you. Just call them and say "hey... what's up?" Works for me. But if the day came and my shout out was ignored and I saw online that they were moving on and adding to their FB profile... I would just move on without recriminations. I would remember the jokes and the sex and remind myself that it was me who left after all. I don't have any right to expect more.
People come and go throughout your life, some will remain close, some you might never see again; its just how things are.
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