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When I was doing online dating, I got a lot of this from men. Mostly I was dating divorced men though (since I am divorced myself) and in their cases, they just didn't give time to heal. I took a couple of years after my Ex left me to start trying to date, they were literally trying again within months of long marriages breaking up.
Anyway, yes, it is a red flag... to me it means they aren't over their Ex. Assuming the talk is about feelings and such (whether it be love, hatred, anger, etc). It's kind of different if they happen to be talking about, say, an interesting trip they went on years ago and their Ex was with them and the Ex gets a mention. For example, the man I am dating now told me a funny story about an adventure (and trouble) he and his Ex Father-in-Law went on and how they both got in trouble with their respective wives. It was a great (and funny) story and yes his Ex wife came up in it, but it wasn't an emotional rant or story (if that makes sense). When you are that close to someone for years, about the only way you can't mention them is to not talk about the past at all.
Sometimes it just burbles out when you least expect it. I would not read too much into it. I wouldn't call it a sign that she is still wanting to be with him.
I've dealt with my pain by making jokes of some of my best 'stupid ex husband' stories. A good strategy for me to process it, but not a good date strategy. Sometimes something about the guy or the date will remind me of my ex (not necessarily bad) and it will creep into the conversation. I've learned to guard against it. No one has ever accused me of being smooth!
I don't consider exes to be taboo conversational topics...sometimes what a person says about ex or how they say it is important/interesting info. Some of us are stuck co-parenting so the ex is around more than we would like.
When I have had to listen to TOO much info about an ex, I attempt to redirect the conversation. "Okay, enough about the ex, tell me about your__________" or just "Tell me about your_______________"
I don't know, I guess i'm weird since whenever I started dating, it was to get to know the girl and didn't want to think about any exes that I had at the time.
Before concluding that she's not over her ex, or just plain retarded, try changing the topic and getting her to talk about something else and see if that works.
I see nothing wrong with mentioning it b/c it's just as weird if they never do, but then the talk should move on. If someone went on too much about it, I would consider it a red flag b/c people are usually at their best behavior in the beginning.
I have on occasion talked about my one ex quite a bit. He basically helped me through the worst period of my life. I would never, ever want to be with him again, and I'm totally over him. But he literally helped me through a period where I was as close to suicidal as I've ever been, and helped me turn into the happy and far more confident person that I am today. That relationship was basically the biggest turning point in my life - if I want someone to understand where I"m coming from, it's kind of important for them to know about it.
I had a second date last night where I basically explained the importance of that relationship, what I learned from it and why it was utterly unworkable in the end. He told me about why his marriage failed and what he learned from that. Neither of us was very threatened by relationships that had ended years before, but I think we both learned a lot about each other.
You know I don't know why certain conversations are a bad things on any date. My husband and I talked about EVERY THING when we was getting to know each other. You know i'd think it was weird if they DIDNT speak of any old relationships or any information on their old lives....it lets you get to know someone. I see posts on conversations all the time on here...oh my he mentioned this is he creep or she said this is that bad? I mean don't ya'll wanna get to know someone, and have a serious relationship? To me that involves talking and getting to know the ins and outs of one another, good or bad. Just because one person says or does something don't make them bad, maybe they are just letting you get to know them...man people these days are sooo picky, no wonder so many are single.
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