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As for all the speculation re: if I am co-dependent etc. am move along and close the door. Thanks!
First, you are asking people to speculate on your entire personality and life and her's too when you post your life choices on a public world wide message board asking people for their thoughts.
Secondly, it's all over your post. And so many people picked up on it and yet you choose not to address it. It's more than just speculation it is exactly what you are posting.
If you do not want truth - because it hurts like hell - then keep your life stories and dilemmas to people who actually know you.
I think you should talk to a councellor about this because I really think there is a lot of benefit to learning something about yourself here. Turn this negative into a positive learning experience in life.
[quote=Indy87;32569010]My ex GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life.
What happened here? I am not saying I want to get back with her, though I do miss her, I just want some perspective because her behaviour was confusing.
I think its good that she knows what she is feeling right now, and is right to take some time to try and work out the problems she is having.
Try to give her some space to do that, she may need some time to work out her feelings about you too, it seems like you really care for her, and that means you can be one of the best things that ever came into her life, she will really appreciate you for that someday. It can be really hard for a long time, going through this stuff...but its what she HAS to do.
When she is stronger and more confident she will react to things differently than she is now, but it takes time and a lot of work, hopefully she can get professional help and with support from friends like you.
My ex GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way.
If I giver her a compliment she will be very suspicious. Another night she thought I had scratches on my chest and she got really upset because she thought I was cheating. When I meet her she seems nervous and on edge and always watching but then asks me if I am nervous even though I am fine. If I am with female friends, she asks me where I am and with who and freaks out. I met a friend of mine last week and she didn't talk to me for a day. She then said she thought I am trying to make her jealous even though that's not true. I was upset because she was giving me the silent treatment and then she freaked out because she thought that I love her more than she loves me because, she said, 'if I trusted you I would love you' and she has also said that she doesn't deserve me; that she is scared because she loves me so much; that she has shown too much of herself; and that if I knew the real her then I wouldn't love her.
We went on a break and I waited for her to be ready to talk. I respected her space. She told me that I have been the perfect boyfriend.
Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.
But now we are broken up.
What happened here? I am not saying I want to get back with her, though I do miss her, I just want some perspective because her behaviour was confusing.
Thanks in advance
She told you that she was not healthy enough to have a relationship with you. Believe her. She made a right decision by breaking up with you. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you.
You sound like a considerate and kind person. Move on with your life and wish this girl good luck That is the least you can do for her. She needs a lot of healing for herself, dating should not even be her priority.
I hope you can meet somebody healthy very soon. Good luck and take care!
My ex GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way.
If I giver her a compliment she will be very suspicious. Another night she thought I had scratches on my chest and she got really upset because she thought I was cheating. When I meet her she seems nervous and on edge and always watching but then asks me if I am nervous even though I am fine. If I am with female friends, she asks me where I am and with who and freaks out. I met a friend of mine last week and she didn't talk to me for a day. She then said she thought I am trying to make her jealous even though that's not true. I was upset because she was giving me the silent treatment and then she freaked out because she thought that I love her more than she loves me because, she said, 'if I trusted you I would love you' and she has also said that she doesn't deserve me; that she is scared because she loves me so much; that she has shown too much of herself; and that if I knew the real her then I wouldn't love her.
We went on a break and I waited for her to be ready to talk. I respected her space. She told me that I have been the perfect boyfriend.
Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.
But now we are broken up.
What happened here? I am not saying I want to get back with her, though I do miss her, I just want some perspective because her behaviour was confusing.
Thanks in advance
Just let her have her space. She has a lot to work through and understands that she is not at the level to handle romantic relationships. You can be there for her when she needs it.
1. A man falls in love with a blind girl. He loves her more than anything. He puts her happiness before his own.
One day he saw a comet in the sky and makes a wish so she could see again.
God grants his wish, she wasn't blind anymore.
Then she leaves him.
2. A man loves a girl.
She says: 'I am not beautiful'
He says: 'You are the most beautiful girl in the world'
She says: 'I am not good enough'
He says: 'You are perfect'
She says: 'I am not happy'
He says: 'You can be, believe in yourself'
Then one day, she believes him and she leaves him.
Your girlfriend wanted you to support her, give your heart to her, love her. You did all that. Then she realized, you are no god, just an another human being. So she left you.
Majority of women are like your girlfriend. Either keep your cool and criticize her once in a while instead of supporting her without limit or forget her and move on.
All this comments mean nothing. Your girlfriend want to suffer, she wants to be pathetic.
And when she starts dating with other dudes, she will realize how perfect you were. But it will be a circle and she will leave again.
So instead of supporting her all the time, be honest. If you don't like her hair, tell her. If you don't like her something, tell her.
I know, being in love makes her seem like the most perfect and beautiful girl in the world but she has flaws you don't like. So be objective to yourself and your girlfriend.
Every girl wants a boyfriend like you but when they have it, they just leave you in the dust. Be a little as-shole.
Everyone has issues to some degree or other but she has way too many to enable her to contribute to a healthy relationship and only she can make the decision to get the professional help she so obviously needs. This will be just a continuing emotional merry(not)-go-round. Breathe a sigh of relief, suggest she get the help she needs, and move on.
My ex GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way.
If I giver her a compliment she will be very suspicious. Another night she thought I had scratches on my chest and she got really upset because she thought I was cheating. When I meet her she seems nervous and on edge and always watching but then asks me if I am nervous even though I am fine. If I am with female friends, she asks me where I am and with who and freaks out. I met a friend of mine last week and she didn't talk to me for a day. She then said she thought I am trying to make her jealous even though that's not true. I was upset because she was giving me the silent treatment and then she freaked out because she thought that I love her more than she loves me because, she said, 'if I trusted you I would love you' and she has also said that she doesn't deserve me; that she is scared because she loves me so much; that she has shown too much of herself; and that if I knew the real her then I wouldn't love her.
We went on a break and I waited for her to be ready to talk. I respected her space. She told me that I have been the perfect boyfriend.
Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.
But now we are broken up.
What happened here? I am not saying I want to get back with her, though I do miss her, I just want some perspective because her behaviour was confusing.
Thanks in advance
You almost described my wife! Dude, you just have to move on. She is going to have to go work on herself, and she can't do it with you in the picture. Be tough. Pat yourself for being an honorable guy, and keeping plugging on.
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