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Old 12-11-2013, 02:30 AM
 
2 posts, read 21,217 times
Reputation: 18

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My ex GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way.

If I giver her a compliment she will be very suspicious. Another night she thought I had scratches on my chest and she got really upset because she thought I was cheating. When I meet her she seems nervous and on edge and always watching but then asks me if I am nervous even though I am fine. If I am with female friends, she asks me where I am and with who and freaks out. I met a friend of mine last week and she didn't talk to me for a day. She then said she thought I am trying to make her jealous even though that's not true. I was upset because she was giving me the silent treatment and then she freaked out because she thought that I love her more than she loves me because, she said, 'if I trusted you I would love you' and she has also said that she doesn't deserve me; that she is scared because she loves me so much; that she has shown too much of herself; and that if I knew the real her then I wouldn't love her.
We went on a break and I waited for her to be ready to talk. I respected her space. She told me that I have been the perfect boyfriend.

Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.

But now we are broken up.

What happened here? I am not saying I want to get back with her, though I do miss her, I just want some perspective because her behaviour was confusing.

Thanks in advance
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Old 12-11-2013, 02:59 AM
 
175 posts, read 231,364 times
Reputation: 233
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indy87 View Post
My ex GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way.

If I giver her a compliment she will be very suspicious. Another night she thought I had scratches on my chest and she got really upset because she thought I was cheating. When I meet her she seems nervous and on edge and always watching but then asks me if I am nervous even though I am fine. If I am with female friends, she asks me where I am and with who and freaks out. I met a friend of mine last week and she didn't talk to me for a day. She then said she thought I am trying to make her jealous even though that's not true. I was upset because she was giving me the silent treatment and then she freaked out because she thought that I love her more than she loves me because, she said, 'if I trusted you I would love you' and she has also said that she doesn't deserve me; that she is scared because she loves me so much; that she has shown too much of herself; and that if I knew the real her then I wouldn't love her.
We went on a break and I waited for her to be ready to talk. I respected her space. She told me that I have been the perfect boyfriend.

Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.

But now we are broken up.

What happened here? I am not saying I want to get back with her, though I do miss her, I just want some perspective because her behaviour was confusing.

Thanks in advance
She's had it rough as you said. Her past experiences have damaged her. She needs therapy, counselling & self improvement. It's pretty clear you were both going to struggle to work together; based on how you describe her she will struggle with anyone.

Don't be too upset or harsh on yourself, based on your post I think her breaking up with you is for the best. If you were to get back together you'll just go round in circles & have the same problems.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:12 AM
 
3,412 posts, read 3,543,086 times
Reputation: 4856
She did you a favor. Leave her to the wolves dude and find another woman that isn't an emotional wreck. Not your job to be her therapist. You have enough crap to deal with. Keep it moving.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:20 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,754,510 times
Reputation: 26716
However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life.

That statement from your post is absolutely true. She can't until she understands herself. If you are leaning on someone else to make you whole you will sorely be disappointed. What I can't understand is - why would you want to be with a woman who has all these qualities of low self esteem ect., unless you, yourself, have some significant control issues and this is a co-dependant relationship makes you feel like a knight in shining armor. If that is the case, you need to start evaluating your own life and personality and leave her to evaluate her own.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:22 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,754,510 times
Reputation: 26716
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman View Post
She did you a favor. Leave her to the wolves dude and find another woman that isn't an emotional wreck. Not your job to be her therapist. You have enough crap to deal with. Keep it moving.
Now, see, if you really read the OP you would see there is something going on with him - because he WANTS her due to being NEEDED, not wanted. He has reason to evaluate why he wants to be a therapist.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:25 AM
 
12,324 posts, read 13,564,155 times
Reputation: 14292
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indy87 View Post
My ex GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way.

If I giver her a compliment she will be very suspicious. Another night she thought I had scratches on my chest and she got really upset because she thought I was cheating. When I meet her she seems nervous and on edge and always watching but then asks me if I am nervous even though I am fine. If I am with female friends, she asks me where I am and with who and freaks out. I met a friend of mine last week and she didn't talk to me for a day. She then said she thought I am trying to make her jealous even though that's not true. I was upset because she was giving me the silent treatment and then she freaked out because she thought that I love her more than she loves me because, she said, 'if I trusted you I would love you' and she has also said that she doesn't deserve me; that she is scared because she loves me so much; that she has shown too much of herself; and that if I knew the real her then I wouldn't love her.
We went on a break and I waited for her to be ready to talk. I respected her space. She told me that I have been the perfect boyfriend.

Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.

But now we are broken up.

What happened here? I am not saying I want to get back with her, though I do miss her, I just want some perspective because her behaviour was confusing.

Thanks in advance

Don't ask why you broke up.

Kneel, say a prayer and thank God!
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:25 AM
 
35,109 posts, read 40,202,457 times
Reputation: 62049
Quite the first post.
I would be grateful she broke up with me however, I would not get involved with someone who has so many issues.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:29 AM
 
14,439 posts, read 17,358,517 times
Reputation: 11240
Whether or not a person stays with you is based on a pleasure vs. pain ratio, in regards to how it makes them feel being with you or around you. I think you make her feel bad more than good being with you.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:29 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,754,510 times
Reputation: 26716
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Quite the first post.
I would be grateful she broke up with me however, I would not get involved with someone who has so many issues.
I really don't think the issue is her insecurities and issues, I think the real deal to look at is the OP's insecurities and issues. - Why does he want this woman? And is it really healthy to desire someone as such?
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:30 AM
 
3,412 posts, read 3,543,086 times
Reputation: 4856
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
Now, see, if you really read the OP you would see there is something going on with him - because he WANTS her due to being NEEDED, not wanted. He has reason to evaluate why he wants to be a therapist.

You are right. There is something wrong with him. It's called insecurity and low self-esteem.

Any man with the least bit of confidence would not waste time dealing with a woman with severe emotional issues like this.
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