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She acted childishly, then she womanned up and told him why she was upset, then he yelled at her and called her names, then they had a screaming fight, and then she asked him if a breakup was what he wanted.
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I didn't like it at all although I didn't say anything I showed it to him really clearly, which I regret now (I shouldn't have ruined the mood in the last hours before we have to say goodbye for 3 weeks). By showing I mean that I almost didn't talk and made a really sad face. At one point he got really angry and said in a very bad and louder tone that it's absolutely ridiculous how I behave. And there we lost it. We started to fight, shouting at each other and I started to cry. He then started to ignore me completly,didn't even look at me. At this point I was so emotional that I asked him "Do you wanna break up?". He looked at me as if I said the worst thing ever. He then responded "Okay, if that's what you want, fine" and left me alone in my tears. That was the last time I saw him.
Girlfriends crying and asking about breaking up could be perceived by many men as manipulation to get their way. That can work or make a man even madder. My guess is that there may be other issues that have not been brought out. This is what dating is all about, figuring out if it can work out long term. Sometimes one or the other finds out its not going to work for them. Better to find out sooner rather than later.
I'm a bit surprised that I got asked here why we're fighting so much. We're not fighting much- That's why I pointed out in the OP that our relationship is usually very harmonic and we almostnever fight, just once in a while smaller fights for some random stuff.
And no, he didn't call me names, he 'just' yelled at me. I know I behaved inmaturely and that I have to work on that. But yes, I also see the mistake on his side and he doesn't seem to want to admit anything at all. According to himself, he acted perfectly fine and I'm the crazy one here. Maybe it got me even more emotional that he didn't seem to care at all how sad I was, even when I started crying. He completly ignored it, or actually it just made him more angry.
Well, now we're texting every day on Whatsapp, but he's still not saying anything nice or that he misses me or so. We also didn't talk about the fight again..
My boyfriend (30) and I(26) have been in a great relationship for one year. We sometimes fight, but it's never serious and we always make up the same day. Except of those fights once in a while, our relationship is really harmonic and we spend a lot of time together and he always tells me how much he loves me and how important I am to him.
So 3 days ago we had the first big fight of our relationship. Since my family is from another country, I'll spend Christmas with them, so we won't see each other for three full weeks. I was a bit sad about it, but then I also felt like he doesn't want to spend the last few hours just with me. I mean we spent it together, just the two of us, but I expected us to spend some quality time together, maybe just being at home together, eatuing something nice, having sex. Instead we were running around from shop to shop because he had to run some errands. I didn't like it at all although I didn't say anything I showed it to him really clearly, which I regret now (I shouldn't have ruined the mood in the last hours before we have to say goodbye for 3 weeks). By showing I mean that I almost didn't talk and made a really sad face. At one point he got really angry and said in a very bad and louder tone that it's absolutely ridiculous how I behave. And there we lost it. We started to fight, shouting at each other and I started to cry. He then started to ignore me completly,didn't even look at me. At this point I was so emotional that I asked him "Do you wanna break up?". He looked at me as if I said the worst thing ever. He then responded "Okay, if that's what you want, fine" and left me alone in my tears. That was the last time I saw him.
After my flight I called him (he didn't contact me at all), apologized for my overemotional behavior and explained him that I just expected something different from our last hours together and that I felt like he doesn't care at all that we won't see each other for so long. And that his shouting and being so cold to me just made it worse and I completly lost it (by that I mean crying a lot and saying stupid **** like "You want to break up?"- I never called him names, hit him or anything like that). I also apologized for asking him if he wants to break up and assured him that I don't wanna break up and that I love him very much.
He was really cold and still mad during the whole conversation, even called me inmature. He kept repeating he didn't like the side he saw of me at all and that he cannot believe I brought breaking up up. When I asked him if he still wants to be with me (because he didn't say anything, didn't try to solve anything, even didn't really take my apologies and didn't even really listen to what I had to say) he said yes, he wants to. But that he needs time to think. We should stay in contact in these weeks, but not too much. We should keep talking and see where it goes. Ever since we're texting every day on Whatsapp, but not so much. He starts texting as well, but we usually just talk a bit about what we did and what we're planning to do. He never says I love you or I miss you anymore.
I don't know what to think now- I mean I know I overreacted and it was a big fight, but it was our first serious fight and I apologized and tried to fix things, while he doesn't even try to see it from my point of view. I just feel like he's letting me down, he treats me like if I did the worst thing in the world to him. He seems to forget that except of that our relationship has been wonderful, harmonic etc. Isn't a partner supposed to forgive the other one and to work on problems? Next time we have a bigger fight, what is he going to do then? Break up?
I would love to hear your opinion about him, his behavior and the whole situation. Advices very welcome. Thanks!
I think he is right, did you tell him you wanted to stay home or was he supposed to read your mind?
I think he should thank you for breaking up with him and him getting away from a very immature girl who needs to grow up.
You actually made a "sad face", seriously? I thought only 7 year olds did that when they pouted because they got white milk instead of chocolate milk with lunch in grade school.
The OP said: Maybe it got me even more emotional that he didn't seem to care at all how sad I was, even when I started crying. He completly ignored it, or actually it just made him more angry.
Now I don't know if this emotional outburst was genuine or not, but some men will perceive this as manipulation, and some women use this as manipulation to get their way. Not unlike a child crying or throwing a tantrum to get their way. My suggestion would be to pack away the tears, and just deal with your issues. I have no idea who is right or wrong in the OP's case. But if you're going to save your relationship, you need some heart to heart talks, not just texting. My suggestion should be for both to decide if they really want to continue. From the bf's responses, my guess is he is ready to bail.
Asking a guy if he wants to break up right before you go to another country for 3 weeks is relationship suicide. The whole time you're over there he's going to think you are banging some other guy that you know over there.
Sorry but it probably won't be the same once you get back.
The OP said: Maybe it got me even more emotional that he didn't seem to care at all how sad I was, even when I started crying. He completly ignored it, or actually it just made him more angry.
Now I don't know if this emotional outburst was genuine or not, but some men will perceive this as manipulation, and some women use this as manipulation to get their way. Not unlike a child crying or throwing a tantrum to get their way. My suggestion would be to pack away the tears, and just deal with your issues..
I think what augie is trying to demonstrate, by example, is that some men are silly enough to think that tears are something a woman can control. They don't understand that hormonal differences make that physically impossible. (If men are given women's natural hormones, they can't control their crying either.)
It's possible your guy is this ignorant, although it is unlikely if he has had a normal upbringing (female relatives and friends, no male-only boarding school, etc.).
I agree that his lack of empathy for your sadness, his inability to see that he did anything wrong, and his lack of effort to work things out with you are red flags.
It's the holiday season. Everyone is stressed and over-emotional and disappointed by reality. A fight isn't all that out of the ordinary during the holiday season.
OP, for your future reference, men are really bad at reading minds and you have to tell them very clearly what you want, or they will never just guess.
What I see as odd about the whole thing is that he is refusing to accept her multiple apologies. That to me does not bode well for the relationship.
I even think that it is possible that he provoked the whole scenario to give him an excuse to either walk away or to feel that they were separated over the 3 weeks so he could party with another woman.
Seriously, a bad fight can only justify perhaps one day of sulking and anger. Then apologies should fix the whole thing. There is some sort of serious problem with this relationship.
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