Why is co-dependency seen as bad? (boyfriend, marriage, woman, love)
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Hmm, what's so destructive about needing attention, though?
Co-dependency means weighing each other down in order to keep that negative attention. It is not a positive thing at all.
Yes, we all are geared toward positive human attention, however just to have someone pay attention to you - and you don't care how can often lead to very destructive behavior - even death.
I know a young woman/ quasi relative who's boyfriend is a major alcoholic and he has a tracking device on her telephone. He has to know where she is at all times. He is not allowed anywhere near any family functions as he is violent and has a long arrest record for a number of things. She has a maturity level of about 10 years off her real age. I believe she is 27 and that would make her maturity level of about a 17 year old. She is behaving the way you have been posting in this thread - at least someone is paying attention to her - doesn't matter what type of attention.
They or if it was her own apartment, have been evicted from everyone because of his behavior.
They have a routine. She ends up in the hospital or crisis center for trying to kill herself and he becomes all lovely and apologetic. So, three days later the cycle continues. He will either kill her or she will end up killing herself.
They need each other to stay just the way they are for the rest of their lives to fill whatever attention gap they have in their own lives.
Now, to me, this is wayyyyy too much drama and negativity to deal with just for attention. It's also dangerous. Try and manage a relationship like this along with kids and a job and you are just headed for disaster.
Codependants hold each other down and back from evolving and growing as a person.
Here is some third party psychological information about co-dependency you should probably look up and read.
People with a Codependency condition often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive verbally or physically. Does this sound like your situation?
Unlike most people, I don't see it as bad. I see it as very good as long as both people can still keep up their normal responsibilities and the relationship is not toxic (ie tons of fighting and bad habits). I don't admire couples or people who are super independent at all. I know of a ton of codependent couples that are just fine.
Unlike most people, I don't see it as bad. I see it as very good as long as both people can still keep up their normal responsibilities and the relationship is not toxic (ie tons of fighting and bad habits). I don't admire couples or people who are super independent at all. I know of a ton of codependent couples that are just fine.
You might be misusing or misinterpreting the word. Could you share an example of you are talking about?
You might be misusing or misinterpreting the word. Could you share an example of you are talking about?
How could I be misinterpreting the word? I personally think the word is over-used in a negative way. Codependency in itself is not bad, especially when the relationship is good. It's bad when the relatiinship is bad. My parents were codependent on each other. Almost every happy marriage I can think of has some codependency involved. People just attach a negative Conotation to the word. It reminds me of the word "need". Say that word in regards to relationships and people go running for the hills.
How could I be misinterpreting the word? I personally think the word is over-used in a negative way. Codependency in itself is not bad, especially when the relationship is good. It's bad when the relatiinship is bad. My parents were codependent on each other. Almost every happy marriage I can think of has some codependency involved. People just attach a negative Conotation to the word. It reminds me of the word "need". Say that word in regards to relationships and people go running for the hills.
I simply asked for a real example of a situation in a little more detail to see what you are applying the word to...not an argument. Of course we all have needs - that's different than 'needy.' There is a definite dictionary and psychological definition of co-dependency and the word was born of scientific research not popular street culture.
I provided an example of what I believe co-dependency is in my post above, I was just curious as to what you see as an example of it.
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