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No I wouldn't. Adoption is an admirable thing to do, but I want my own family. It wouldn't be because of anything wrong the lady did... I just prefer my own and she can't provide that for me.
I don't think it's about skankiness so much as the fact that many people aren't ready to parent children.
First of all, a single parent with custody of kids should be home spending time with those kids. Especially if she isn't a welfare queen doing nothing with herself. If she's responsible, she's providing the financial support for her kids which means at least a 40 hour job --- and then she needs to be home with the kids.
Second, there are the other parents. Many baby mommas have a number of kids all with different fathers. Many men don't really feel like picking up the support of children whose deadbeat fathers are out having themselves a great time and spending their money on themselves.
If the mother was divorced, then the dad and all his relatives are still in the picture -- that can be good or that can be bad.
No problemo! In my 40s, if I was to hold out for women that had no children I would be stuck with a group so limited I would be dating Ex Nuns, Muslim women, and cat ladies (Figure of speach only)
With biological kids, there will always be the "real" parent and the step parent. Step parents almost never have the same role as a "real" parent. With adopted kids, neither parent would be the biological parent. If the new spouse were to adopt the child also, both parents are equal as far as both being adoptive parents.
Sure there are plenty of skanky women that have avoided being pregnant, good for them, if anything that shows how its not that difficult. Having kids is of course not the only thing I look at so I'd avoid the skanky women that don't have kids too.
The only point I have been trying to make is that in most cases having a kid is a sign a mistake was made and then not caught. Theoretically if people made no mistakes unwanted pregnancies could be entirely avoided, the woman would stay on top of her birth control, the condom would be inspected every time, and then she'd use plan b if she was worried. Now with a reasonable amount of care most can be avoided. So that does mean there are some otherwise nice and responsible girls I'm overlooking because she was just unlucky but they are going to be few and far between.
I don't think single mothers are bad people, they're just not for me.
I get that they aren't for you, and bravo for realizing it.
What I don't get is why you feel the need to rationalize your lack of interest with faulty logic.
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That's why I laugh when people determine a persons character by them having children. Yes, there are scummy girls that don't learn their lesson. But we all make mistakes. It's how we grow that is FAR more important.
No matter what, it's personal preference when it comes to dating. Some guys don't want kids in the picture at all. Some don't want girls that have been around the block many many times. Some only want virgins (how many of those actually exist past 18 nowadays anyways!). I have a GF and a daughter. Should we not work out, I wouldn't care if another woman had a child. I care about the woman and how we connect. Everything else will align itself if it's the right relationship.
Yeah... it would be kind of hypocritical of a person who had a kid to then avoid people who have a kid just because they have a kid. I'm with you there.
I also dislike the way that people will make such broad assumptions about women who have kids and are not married. It's not like everyone's circumstances are identical.
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I don't think it's about skankiness so much as the fact that many people aren't ready to parent children.
First of all, a single parent with custody of kids should be home spending time with those kids. Especially if she isn't a welfare queen doing nothing with herself. If she's responsible, she's providing the financial support for her kids which means at least a 40 hour job --- and then she needs to be home with the kids.
Second, there are the other parents. Many baby mommas have a number of kids all with different fathers. Many men don't really feel like picking up the support of children whose deadbeat fathers are out having themselves a great time and spending their money on themselves.
If the mother was divorced, then the dad and all his relatives are still in the picture -- that can be good or that can be bad.
Sooo... you're saying that people who are single parents cannot have any sort of social life?
Married people have social lives. They hire sitters, they go on dates. Why can't single people do the same?
Parenting isn't about just being present. It's about how you engage with your kids. I do agree that you should never ignore your kids, but I think that being a happy, well-rounded individual (whether you are single or married) is the very best thing you can do for a child.
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I agree with meh whatever. It's this concept that men are totally absolved from any issues while women should deal with the problems that THEY created somehow. If a man straps on a condom (which isn't 100%, 98% if used properly) he thinks that there is all that is needed. That doesn't guarantee anything. Does it reduce the risk? Of course!
Think about this, there are teens that use birth control of some sort and still get pregnant while there are couples that try and try and still can't conceive. Why does that make the teen irresponsible? Because nature is trying to win? That sex leads to reproduction? How can that be treated as some sort of character flaw?
I find it bizarre, too. I think that the "single parent equals irresponsible person" umbrella is being thrown up over people just by virtue of them having reproduced without being married.
You mentioned people who are married trying to have kids and not being able to have kids... it's quite true that many women who struggle with infertility due to endometriosis. Which is often caused by.... STDs!
Soo... if we use the "single parents are irresponsible" umbrella, we might as well grab an "infertile women were sluts at some point" umbrella, too.
Both concepts are simplistic and unkind.
If men want there to be no women who get pregnant out of wedlock, they need to stop having sex with women they're not married to and this whole mess would be resolved.
But, you know that's not gonna happen.
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Would you date a single parent whose kids were adopted? What about if they were inherited from a deceased family member?
I wouldn't date a single father because I have dated two. I have absolutely no ability to bond with kids who are not biologically mine. I did some soul searching myself, I just felt that no matter how much I did, I would never be just good enough for them. (they have their own mothers) Plus, I want my own family and share my first experience of being a parent with the man I love. I don't want a man who has been there and done that.
However, adopt a kid whose bio parent is a deceases family member is entirely different situation. I cannot imagine how can ANYBODY have problems with that.
I have three baby nephews. If something happened to my brother, sister, or my in laws. I would raise them, no questions asked. They won't call me mom, they will forever call me aunt because that is what I am to them. I am not even 30 years old yet, and I WILL have my kid someday. I will have my own family, but my love for my nephews will always be aunt's love. My nephews will not be threatened by my new kid, my new kid will not have to compete with my nephews.
So if a guy adopted a kid from deceased family member, I would view this guy as a good person with sense of responsibility and a lot of love and compassion. I think it is very admirable and noble to do such a thing.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 12-13-2013 at 01:14 PM..
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