My husband is making a big deal about boudoir photos we took (wife, boyfriend)
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Hi everyone. My husband and I are having a difference of opinion and I wanted to get some objective views... so here I am.
First of all, my husband (Dave) and I have been married a bit over two years but have known each other for about four years. I consider our relationship excellent. In fact we joke about how our personalities compliment each other rather than being the same. Communication between us is also great.
One area that we differ on is past relationships and I suppose attitudes toward them. I was a free spirit and enjoyed exploring the world of relationships and sexuality. I never felt bad about the experiences I had. Dave was alot more reserved. So as you can expect I have had alot more "variety" than he has. Anyway, all of this was discussed way before we got married and Dave understood that he was "the guy" for me forever. Again it was all about communication. I wanted us to be completely honest with each other and we were. He's still not crazy about my past but he knows I love him with all my heart. I've introduced him to a couple of past flames (both are married now) because they are in our circle of friends and once again I wanted to be honest.
Our "intimate life" is great. I sort of took the lead in the beginning - he was a heck of a good student! I never deny him and he never denies me. We've discussed fantasies and have even tried a few. So I know he's happy.
One of his was to have some sexy boudoir photos of me. I was completely game for it. We both wanted them to be high glossy and plaboyish looking so the issue came up of how and who and where we could do this. Dave has never been too keen on having guys "ogle" me so I suggested "Ken" (who is one of my exes that we are friends with). Ken's passion is photography and we've seen some of his work. Dave didn't initially like the idea at all but I told him that Ken is definitely a known commodity and he's a good guy who we can trust. Anyway, Dave eventually agreed with me and I asked Ken if he was OK with it (and his wife!!) and he said sure.
So this past weekend wewent over to Kenand Louise's home where he has a home studio. The shoot went really well. I thought I'd be nervous but I wasn't. Dave on the other hand was sort of nervous but eventually was OK to the point that he even suggested some poses.
At one point Ken suggested that we take some photos in their great room so we all went there. As we left his studio I was wearing a robe of course. Once we got to the other room we saw that Ken and Louise's son (1st year college) was there. Ken was nonchalant and said let's continue. So I took off the robe and we continued. The son came in and out of the room on a few occassions. It didn't bother me because I'm pretty confident about my body and am not ashmaed of it (I've been to topless beaches). I couldn't really gauge Dave's reactions so we continued until Ken suggested that we call it a day.
When we got home Dave said that he was shocked. I was truly surprised and asked him why. He said it was bad enough that Ken saw me undressed but now so did their son. He said I should have stopped the shoot once we saw that the son was there.
I told him that it really is not a big deal at all but he says it is and has been upset all week.
How can I help him overcome his sense that something wrong happened when nothing wrong did?
There are female photographers who do that sort of work. That option should have been discussed before making a decision. I'm also in a bit of disbelief that the shoot continued even though the son was there. That's weird. I'm not surprised your husband's shocked and upset. Of course, he has a voice, he could have exercised it at that point, and suggested the rest of the shoot be postponed until there was more privacy. So he has no one to blame but himself, really. He needs to grow some spine.
Allowing the photog's son in the room is a terrible idea.
Refusing to understand why your husband would feel badly is just ... sad.
You can be confident about your body all day long. But you should have spoken up about the inappropriate circumstances of the session instead of viewing it as another chance to show off your "free spirit."
Picking an ex-boyfriend as your photographer was a HUGE mistake. These kind of mistakes happen in marriage. Time to apologize, as for forgiveness, and try to go on.
Aw, it's cold here. Nothing going on tonight except "Love Actually" on AMC.
Let's have some fun!
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