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Personally, I would consider myself a free thinker and I absolutely love and allow everyone and I even encourage others to think for themselves rather than relying on someone else to make up their minds, etc.
The question I have is...does freedom of choice take away or enhance a relationship?
I ask this because everyone that I know that has been together for a long time says it's all about compromise, and I often hear girls or guys say "I've trained her/him to do this or that...". As a person that loves and cherishes his freedom I personally disdain any thought or act of the sort.
If I've ever heard a woman say "I've trained him to..." it invariably is something like putting the toilet seat down, or throwing dirty clothes in the hamper, instead of on the floor. I can't say that I've come across a controlling personality who is trying to take away their spouse's ability to be a free thinker.
Personally, I would consider myself a free thinker and I absolutely love and allow everyone and I even encourage others to think for themselves rather than relying on someone else to make up their minds, etc.
The question I have is...does freedom of choice take away or enhance a relationship?
I ask this because everyone that I know that has been together for a long time says it's all about compromise, and I often hear girls or guys say "I've trained her/him to do this or that...". As a person that loves and cherishes his freedom I personally disdain any thought or act of the sort.
You "train" animals not humans and anyone who says that about their partner has zero respect for their partner.
Just like those who refer to themselves as "pet parents", what does that say about the respect they have for their real live human children?
Personally, I would consider myself a free thinker and I absolutely love and allow everyone and I even encourage others to think for themselves rather than relying on someone else to make up their minds, etc.
The question I have is...does freedom of choice take away or enhance a relationship?
I ask this because everyone that I know that has been together for a long time says it's all about compromise, and I often hear girls or guys say "I've trained her/him to do this or that...". As a person that loves and cherishes his freedom I personally disdain any thought or act of the sort.
A lot of people define "freedom" as a total lack of obligations to other people. Trouble is, you can only have that kind of "freedom" if you are willing to be a hermit.
All human relationships--romantic and platonic, familial and professional--impose certain obligations and thus compromise that particular vision of freedom. Your friends will occasionally ask for favors you would rather not provide, you perform them anyway because they are your friends. You might not want to spend every Christmas with your family, but you do it anyway because they are your family. You might not want to spend 40 hours a week taking orders from your boss, but he or she is your boss, so you have to.
Romantic relationships are the same. Sometimes, you have to do things you'd rather not do to please your partner. Again, unless you are a loner cut off from all social bonds, total freedom is just not a part of the human condition.
A lot of people define "freedom" as a total lack of obligations to other people. Trouble is, you can only have that kind of "freedom" if you are willing to be a hermit.
All human relationships--romantic and platonic, familial and professional--impose certain obligations and thus compromise that particular vision of freedom. Your friends will occasionally ask for favors you would rather not provide, you perform them anyway because they are your friends. You might not want to spend every Christmas with your family, but you do it anyway because they are your family. You might not want to spend 40 hours a week taking orders from your boss, but he or she is your boss, so you have to.
Romantic relationships are the same. Sometimes, you have to do things you'd rather not do to please your partner. Again, unless you are a loner cut off from all social bonds, total freedom is just not a part of the human condition.
I understand what you are saying, however, I also see it from a different angle. Perhaps I'm afraid to lose my freedom, but I've been involved in relationships that are very very loose, held together by gravity with no real adhesion, and personally I love it. I've been a loner for a long long time, but that hasn't stopped me from enjoying women. I typically seek out girls that are like myself, open minded and free, we just don't sit and ask or wait around and discuss we just are. Then again we have no mention of being exclusive and then we gently just go our own ways, it's like we danced and enjoyed each others company and had some synergy for a short lived high passion moment, a sliver of time, and then it's on to the next phase in my young life (I'm 26), I guess it sounds like an animal mating trait, they mingle and mate for a short period of time and then it's on to the next thing.
I hear people my age talk about their relationship issues a lot and this is what spawned by concerns and questions because I have never had to deal with it and the more and more I hear then talk the less and less a long term relationship sounds appealing, for me I'm not sure a long term relationship is natural.
I guess it sounds like an animal mating trait, they mingle and mate for a short period of time and then it's on to the next thing.
I hear people my age talk about their relationship issues a lot and this is what spawned by concerns and questions because I have never had to deal with it and the more and more I hear then talk the less and less a long term relationship sounds appealing, for me I'm not sure a long term relationship is natural.
Some animals do that and some mate for life.
It sounds like you have never been deeply in love for multiple years with one person. I think it's fine if you continue doing things the way you have been, but I would encourage you not to become too rigid in your belief that you would not enjoy a longer relationship.
You are in the position of someone who has never tasted pizza, but has only heard his friends complain about how the cheese burns their mouths and the sauce stains their clothes. What they are not saying, because to those who have experienced it it's obvious, is that the pleasure or eating it far outweighs these complaints . But, because you have never tasted pizza, to you it seems puzzling or absurd, why they would put up with the sore tongue and the laundry.
Now, there is nothing wrong with a pizza-free life. If you are happy with that, stick with it. Just be aware that some people actually do enjoy their pizza, or being in love, and try not to pre-judge .
(BTW, when people talk about 'training' their partners, they are expressing frustration. What they are really saying is, 'It took a lot of effort and repetition and begging for me to get him to take my needs into account.')
Last edited by NilaJones; 12-14-2013 at 11:14 AM..
I typically seek out girls that are like myself, open minded and free, we just don't sit and ask or wait around and discuss we just are.
Sorry if this sounds cynical, but you sound like a lot of guys who basically just want to have sex with lots of different women without making any commitments to any of them. And that is fairly typical of men at a certain age.
All I can say is, keeping that up as you get older is going to get more and more difficult. While the number of men who would like to spend their whole lives having FWB type relationships is probably huge, the number women interested in spending their lives having such relationships is much, MUCH smaller. Few women over 30 or 35 are going to see much point in investing in a man who doesn't want a relationship with them. If there is a secret to living like a 21 year old for life, I don't know it.
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. But, because you have never tasted pizza, to you it seems puzzling or absurd, why they would put up with the sore tongue and the laundry.
