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Isn't there a Colorado Alimony forum where you can go with your coloradoalimony screen name to discuss Colorado alimony? Most of us don't live in Colorado, and the terms of your divorce aren't really our business. You could have said everything you needed to say that is relevant to the relationships forum in one post and been done a long time ago.
There is no divorce forum on C-D.
Every time someone makes a blanket statement that alimony is a thing of the past, I will be here to correct them, because it *is not* a thing of the past in Colorado, California, New Jersey, Florida, Connecticut, Washington, Illinois, and several other states. Add up the population of those states. Over 1/3 of the US population lives in states that routinely award alimony.
You seem to have the idea that marriages were better at some other point in history and they've declined somehow.
Okay it's just been the past few years I've noticed a lot more long term relationships ending so 2000-2010
So it's not really a change in females ability to support herself or the need to stay because it's the norm.
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Originally Posted by meh_whatever
I have often found that when people are bothered by anyone else's marital woes, it's usually less because they feel bad about what's happening with those other people and more that they are projecting and wondering if that'll happen to them.
Kind of like survivor's guilt. That's why I said it was better to just think about your own marriage (not yours, per se... the universal "your") and not focus on anyone else's... reason being, you'll never know the whole story.Just the parts that one or both of them choose to recall.
I agree with this I do worry about if it can happen to them what makes me different ? I do feel some guilt and wonder if someday I'll end up like them. And I only know what they've told me so I'm just going off some of the facts but it's still hard to understand how it can end without trying therapy or trying to communicate.
You'll seldom know all the problems that another couple experience, even if you do talk to those in the failed marriage. I divorced my first wife after 27 years of marriage (including 5 happy years). Was 22 years of trying to save it enough? I thought so, especially since my wife refused to even discuss our problems. I had a couple "last straws" before I filed, and with the final last one I told my wife I'd be filing for divorce in a year if we couldn't work things out. I reminded her a couple times during that year, right up until the final month.
After the divorce I learned she was telling her friends that it came as a complete surprise to her, that we'd had a perfect marriage... or that it was a long time coming and I'd been cheating on her for years. (No, I never did.) In another words, her story changed weekly. (I had a spy amongst her "girls night out" group.)
And yes, it WAS much easier to build a new marriage than repair the old one. My next one was as perfect as it could have been, until my new wife died unexpectedly. I've been with my 3rd wife now for nearly 15 years, and other than a few minor disagreements in the early years, it's been smooth sailing. If a marriage is based on love rather than lust, on caring and sharing rather than greed and selfishness, it need not be difficult. My current one has been easy-smeasy, just as was the one before it. Neither of us make demands on the other. We don't expect perfection, but we do expect caring and understanding from each other.
IMHO, it's not about "throwing it away" or "not trying hard enough". Women nowadays have choices. They don't need a man to survive in the world like they used to. Women stayed before, and put up with a LOT of BS because they had no way to support themselves. So they dealt with cheating, abuse, and gawd knows what else.
Do we really know what happens with the marriages that fall apart? Do we really assume the ones that "work it out" or "stay married" are even happy?
I have issues with statements like this. Because I have seen long term couples stay together through it all. And yet, they hate one another, resent the heck out of each other, feel they wasted their life, but hey, they're married, so they stick it out. Miserable together forever. Is that living? Truly. Who wants that life?
Other couples I see make it past the hard parts, and become happier as they age.
Others hit retirement and realize, they don't like one another anymore. The only reason they stayed married, was for the kids and that they rarely saw one another (due to work) and put up with each other.
Others stay married for the kids. Or for money (security). But you can clearly see that the only happiness they find in their life, is the kids. They don't have sex, they don't even talk to one another. They sure as heck don't put any time into their relationship, but hey, they're still married, so it's okay.
We don't know the whole truth of why marriages fail. Well, very rarely do you know the truth. I have two friends, who I talked to about their failed marriage. I can honestly say, I have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what truly broke it down. Their stories are so far apart about what happened, that I can't even connect the dots.
So are marriages disposable? That depends. Would you stay married to someone who beat you daily? Who cheated on you constantly? Just for the sake of "staying married"? Would you stay married if your spouse verbally abused your child? What if they beat them too? What if there was sexual abuse? I'm sure many of you would say no. But that's just it. Do we really know what is going on behind closed doors?
Judge your own marriage. Don't judge others because you don't know the truth (heck, many times, neither do they).
After the divorce I learned she was telling her friends that it came as a complete surprise to her, that we'd had a perfect marriage... or that it was a long time coming and I'd been cheating on her for years. (No, I never did.) In another words, her story changed weekly. (I had a spy amongst her "girls night out" group.)
This is what I was talking about earlier in the thread. Some spouses just don't listen or work on problems because they're lazy or feel that they don't need to. They deny that the problems are serious because their spouse is still there.
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And yes, it WAS much easier to build a new marriage than repair the old one. My next one was as perfect as it could have been, until my new wife died unexpectedly. I've been with my 3rd wife now for nearly 15 years, and other than a few minor disagreements in the early years, it's been smooth sailing. If a marriage is based on love rather than lust, on caring and sharing rather than greed and selfishness, it need not be difficult. My current one has been easy-smeasy, just as was the one before it. Neither of us make demands on the other. We don't expect perfection, but we do expect caring and understanding from each other.
Every time someone makes a blanket statement that alimony is a thing of the past, I will be here to correct them, because it *is not* a thing of the past in Colorado, California, New Jersey, Florida, Connecticut, Washington, Illinois, and several other states. Add up the population of those states. Over 1/3 of the US population lives in states that routinely award alimony.
What is divorce and child support laws like in Russia? Maybe some of us guys need to create an underground rail road to get other guys out of the country. I just re-read this and it sounds crazy and sarcastic but im being serious.
The fact that society has conditioned me to think this is a crazy statement yet the underground railroad during slavery was so great is very telling. Child support and alimony IS slavery, if you quit your job you can be jailed and you will for sure never get ahead in life unless your doing something illegal on the side like selling dope.
What is divorce and child support laws like in Russia? Maybe some of us guys need to create an underground rail road to get other guys out of the country. I just re-read this and it sounds crazy and sarcastic but im being serious.
The fact that society has conditioned me to think this is a crazy statement yet the underground railroad during slavery was so great is very telling. Child support and alimony IS slavery, if you quit your job you can be jailed and you will for sure never get ahead in life unless your doing something illegal on the side like selling dope.
Why would men need an underground RR? All they need to do is get on a plane (well....after making elaborate visa arrangements for Russia). The more challenging part would be to learn Russian and find a job there (which would pay virtually nothing) or start a successful business.
Why would men need an underground RR? All they need to do is get on a plane (well....after making elaborate visa arrangements for Russia). The more challenging part would be to learn Russian and find a job there (which would pay virtually nothing) or start a successful business.
But everyone else is making nothing as well so the women are not expecting it (other than maybe Moscow or st Petersburg). That is what the rr would be for would be to provide a place for a guy that is drowning in payments so he can take the time to learn Russian and get his visa paper work in order, adjust his child support so that he can keep his passport and find a job over there.
I know women have virtually no rights over there so I cant imagine they are being awarded huge amounts if anything plus no one makes anything anyways, sounds like not a half bad deal. I don't think there are huge amounts of people going there right now so they might welcome immigrants as long as you look Russian or have Russian or eastern European ethnicity.
I am learning to speak Russian now and its going fine, I am using pimsleur and sometimes I have to supplement with youtube as certain words are more difficult to say but once you get the pronunciations down its not bad. Better than paying child support for 18 years and alimony until your 90.
At least in Russia everyone is broke, as long as you don't live in Moscow or st Petersburg you wont have to watch people driving by in escalades with their trophy wives while you make 100k but are paying out 60% of your income in slave payments.
Learning a language, getting a visa and finding a job over there sounds better than being a slave to a woman who is no longer putting out for you anymore.
We fought agasint slavery in the civil war now its making a come back, just this time its not based on race.
Great plan. Only snag: the Russian gov't has to want you. They don't take economic refugees from the West. They DO take rich French actors wanting to flee high taxes at home. if you can buy your way into the country, then it might work. Oh, and be sure to take an extra warm down jacket or a fur coat and hat.
Great plan. Only snag: the Russian gov't has to want you. They don't take economic refugees from the West. They DO take rich French actors wanting to flee high taxes at home. if you can buy your way into the country, then it might work. Oh, and be sure to take an extra warm down jacket or a fur coat and hat.
Or multiple engineering degrees in weapons development or oil and gas should do the trick. I am from the north part of America so im no stranger to extreme cold, the Russians have better furs and hats anyways. A lot of these guys getting hammered in child support and alimony are skilled degreed professionals, some doctors so they could check that box.
I doubt the guy hanging dry wall (half the work on the side) and smoking weed on the weekend is worried about his 50$/month child support.
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