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Thing is, it really doesn't matter whether you, I, or anybody else "gets" finding conception to be a big deal at whatever stage. The only thing that matters, ultimately, is how the person who is pregnant, and who is going to be the one raising the child, let's be honest, feels about it. This guy has zero say, which, based on the OP, must be a real shocker for him to come to terms with. And,it's no surprise that she's ready to wash her hands of the relationship...although that probably would have been better come to terms with well before eight years and one pregnancy in, no doubt.
Now I have to find a way to tell this to my mother who will have a go at me because she always loved my GF.
Don't you think I had a reason to be mad? She broke one of my essential rules.
No, she didn't. Her bc failed. It happens. You're part of the equation that lead to that circumstance. Own it.
Who makes rigid rules in a relationship, anyway? Who are you to be holding her to a bunch of rules, that she must obey? That's not usually how relationships work. Decisions are made mutually, after discussion. Your wish is not her command. The rules thing is creepy enough, let alone the "rage attack", PLUS the fact that you feel you were justified in the "rage attack"!
You scare me. But I have to give you credit for wanting to seek out professional help for your anger issues. Assuming you're sincere, which it sounds like you are. You need to address that before you can have a successful relationship with anyone.
No, she didn't. Her bc failed. It happens. You're part of the equation that lead to that circumstance. Own it.
Who makes rigid rules in a relationship, anyway? Who are you to be holding her to a bunch of rules, that she must obey? That's not usually how relationships work. Decisions are made mutually, after discussion. Your wish is not her command. The rules thing is creepy enough, let alone the "rage attack", PLUS the fact that you feel you were justified in the "rage attack"!
You scare me. But I have to give you credit for wanting to seek out professional help for your anger issues. Assuming you're sincere, which it sounds like you are. You need to address that before you can have a successful relationship with anyone.
Ruth, the best we can hope for is that young men like this OP just go ahead and get snipped.
Truly, some people are just not cut out for parenthood, and no child deserves such a cold self involved parent
And she has to deal with this situation with a child who probably won't have a father now, which was almost a guarantee to happen the moment you decided to not wear a condom and all the protection laid on her, and all it took was a simple error on her part for this to happen from that point on. Humans are not perfect, and accidents do happen. Now she has to raise a child that you helped make that you do not want anything to do with.
I feel so sorry for that unborn child.
I haven't made my decision yet so you can't say the child won't have a father. Don't feel sorry for the child, at least financially he/she will be okay. There's no point in scrutinising what went wrong because whatever it was, it has already happened.
Apparently your mom has the better taste in your family.
She will be mad at me when I tell her, especially when I mention my rage attack because she knows what she went through with my father (he's still grumpy but it came to a point she said she wouldn't tolerate it anymore). Still, she's usually a sensible person so I'll listen to what she says.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesMucke
There's no point in scrutinising what went wrong because whatever it was, it has already happened.
I don't agree with this. While in general I am a big proponent of the serenity prayer, examining (oneself or with help) why someone acted a certain way when faced with adversity can be an incredible learning experience, and if one is sincere in the examination it can lead to incredible growth as a person.
Now I'm not all touchy feely and about self help crappola, but this is a big thing. There aren't many issues in our lives that we may face like being a parent. To lose this chance as becoming a better person while face this challenge would be doing yourself (and others) a huge disservice.
Oh, and I'm really freaking glad I didn't make this mistake.
No, she didn't. Her bc failed. It happens. You're part of the equation that lead to that circumstance. Own it.
Who makes rigid rules in a relationship, anyway? Who are you to be holding her to a bunch of rules, that she must obey? That's not usually how relationships work. Decisions are made mutually, after discussion. Your wish is not her command. The rules thing is creepy enough, let alone the "rage attack", PLUS the fact that you feel you were justified in the "rage attack"!
She accepted my rules, I didn't force anything. She never complained about them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
You scare me. But I have to give you credit for wanting to seek out professional help for your anger issues. Assuming you're sincere, which it sounds like you are. You need to address that before you can have a successful relationship with anyone.
Why do I scare you? Yes, I'll try to find help after the holidays and see how it goes.
She accepted my rules, I didn't force anything. She never complained about them.
It's still not a normal way for a relationship to operate. It smacks of control-tripping. Just because she accepted the rules doesn't validate the behavior. It may mean that she was young and inexperienced when the relationship began, or that she has or had self-esteem or other issues of her own at the time.
Signs of a controlling nature, added to temper issues culminated by a full-blow rage attack involving breaking stuff around the house is scary business. And I'm not the only one scared by you. So is your ex, note.
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