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Why did the SO invite her if the ex was going to be there. He knew this would happen.
I don't think he was thinking, honestly.
Or he was hoping he could get his ex and his gf into a 3some. I've seen worse attempts where guys try to coerce women into 3somes before. The whole niece thing doesn't make any sense though.
OK. Deep breath!
My best friend just returned from a Christmas meal at her SO's home. His elderly mother lives with him. Well, she told me that while she was there, her SO's ex girlfriend and mother of his teenage daughter showed up with daughter in tow. Mind you, my friend has not been introduced to any of them (daughter and mother) formally even though they have been dating for four years. They had never met before either.
The EX waltzes in, on extremely friendly terms with everyone present- mother, brother, a sister. "Hello, I love you" yada yada yada...hugs...kisses. She is shocked that she is so well-liked by the family as her SO had told her they broke up when the EX cleaned out the house and left his clothes in a heap on the living room floor and that he HATES her guts.
Ex is offered food and she moves very comfortably in the kitchen, like it's her usual routine etc. My friend says she's sitting there observing all of this. THen SO goes to his room with his daughter and EX follows; they stay there for a bit and my friend can hear them laughing and talking. She is seething!
My friend is sitting there like WTF. No one has yet to introduce my friend as someone's SO.
Finally the EX comes out of the room, and SO's mother introduces my friend as "a NIECE". Another WTF moment!
My friend did not want to cause a scene, so she told me she stayed and later had it out with the SO.
She is ready to end this "relationship", as she feels that she was disrespected by the family and by introducing her as a 'niece' was done to cover up who she really is. I am with her on that.
These dern holiday gathering....a set- up for drama
Anyway, I say end it with this guy; he may still be "fooling around " with the EX.
End it! What do you guys think? Any can relate?
Hmmm, she has been dating him for four years and has never met his mother---who lives with him--- or his daughter? I wonder if he is still married to his "ex" or is still in a serious relationship with her.
As someone said "Kick him in his Christmas Package and leave". He is a real jerk.
She should kick him in his ornaments, wish him a merry mutha humping Christmas...and walk out the door, singing "it's a holly jolly Christmas".
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Hmmm, she has been dating him for four years and has never met his mother---who lives with him--- or his daughter? I wonder if he is still married to his "ex" or is still in a serious relationship with her.
As someone said "Kick him in his Christmas Package and leave". He is a real jerk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rs4 fan
I can only imagine the backlash if someone told a man to do this to a woman.
Anyway, yeah, that's really messed up OP. She should definitely leave him.
Obviously, we are (sort of) joking about really kicking him in the balls (although, he deserves it) but how often do you hear about a woman doing something similar to man? Stringing him along for four years without ever introducing him to her mother who lives with her or her child. And probably still having sex or is even still married to the "Baby Daddy" who she told the serious boyfriend of four years was totally out of the picture.
And then the boyfriend of four years finally gets to meet all of her relatives at a Christmas celebration and, at first isn't even introduced and is then introduced as "a nephew, or the delivery man, or the neighbor, or a random stranger" to all of the relatives instead of the SO for four years of the woman. And don't forget her going into a bedroom with her ex and child and having long, private conversations.
Yeah, I can picture lots of women doing something similar. (sarcasm)
WTF indeed. How does something like that happen? I can't fathom it.
Keep waking up!
Well, it did. She's still trying to come to grips with the situation today and says she's not answering his calls. What is weird though is that the boyfriend's mother introduced her as a NIECE. My friend had met the mother previously, so was really confused when the woman introduced her as her niece.
I told her that they are all in on the deception.
As long as I live, I never thought I'd hear some kind of mess like that, but life...it's full of surprises.
I don't think this has anything to do with evidence that SO is still having a thing with his Ex. And it is not unusual for an ex to stay on good terms with the extended family...since the daughter is part of the picture. I have two kids and have never been anything but warm and gracious to my ex's new wife. I don't have anything against her (but I do have sympathy for her!)
But it has been my experience that divorced men somehow try to project to their ex and children that they are selfless. Part of this seems to involve maintaining a fantasy that there will never be another woman in his life.
I always suspect this means he was unfaithful in the first place and feels a need to continue to deny this even years after the divorce. I don't have any evidence to support this.
Nonetheless, I cannot imagine NOT meeting a man's child after dating for FOUR years. Wouldn't that be a warning sign BEFORE going to an xmas family function? She needs to not worry about the relationship with the ex and simply define what kind of relationship she has with the man in the first place. Is that what she really wants? to be introduced as a niece after 4 years?
It's the man's daughter. His mother lives there and the girl is her grandchild. There is no reason for anyone to be at war with the mother of the child. There is a child involved, so it makes the most sense to keep relations cordial for the sake of the child. That could very easily be the only way that they get to see the child, is by including the mother (the ex).
I would be upset by the "niece" introduction and probably would have corrected it on the spot. However, it was the mother who did it, not the boyfriend. You don't punsih the boyfriend for what his mother does.
There might be other issues in the relationship that might make it a bad investment, but the daughter (accompanied by her mother) at a family Christmas is not one of them.
Obviously, we are (sort of) joking about really kicking him in the balls (although, he deserves it) but how often do you hear about a woman doing something similar to man? Stringing him along for four years without ever introducing him to her mother who lives with her or her child. And probably still having sex or is even still married to the "Baby Daddy" who she told the serious boyfriend of four years was totally out of the picture.
And then the boyfriend of four years finally gets to meet all of her relatives at a Christmas celebration and, at first isn't even introduced and is then introduced as "a nephew, or the delivery man, or the neighbor, or a random stranger" to all of the relatives instead of the SO for four years of the woman. And don't forget her going into a bedroom with her ex and child and having long, private conversations.
Yeah, I can picture lots of women doing something similar. (sarcasm)
It seems that you missed my point. I actually agree that she should leave him as he and his family are POS. My gripe was that, had someone told a guy to physically harm her for doing the same exact thing, even in a jokingly manner, he would be crucified on here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke
I would be upset by the "niece" introduction and probably would have corrected it on the spot. However, it was the mother who did it, not the boyfriend. You don't punsih the boyfriend for what his mother does.
IMO, it's up to the boyfriend to correct it and check his mom.
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. No one has yet to introduce my friend as someone's SO.
(sarcasm)
