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Old 12-28-2013, 11:52 PM
 
2 posts, read 17,882 times
Reputation: 21

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Hello. I am a 27 year old male never been married no kids. Im a good looking guy finding and dating beautiful women has never been a problem for me.

Last year I met a woman, 40 years old. Looks 30. Never married no kids. We fell in love quick. And im old enough to know it wasnt puppy love. We even took vacations together split it traveled hike. We were truly in love. Never did those things with a partner before.

Now that its been a year its crap or get off the pot and I need to marry this girl. But now I have cold feet. Not only am I only 27 so I would be giving up everything because I only want one successful marriage but we would have to have kids NOW because of her age. Also what happens when I am 35 years old and she will be 48. Wont that make me resent her?

I feel so terrible, I told her. But its so sad. She is such an amazing person if only she was 35 or I was 35. And now she may never have kids. I care for this person deeply but I feel like down the road it could turn ugly. Please help.

 
Old 12-29-2013, 04:58 AM
 
Location: socal
630 posts, read 1,045,631 times
Reputation: 919
umm if you're having these types of doubts already then please don't marry her
 
Old 12-29-2013, 05:01 AM
 
Location: Southern California
15,083 posts, read 20,391,397 times
Reputation: 10343
Quote:
Originally Posted by laurenaus View Post
umm if you're having these types of doubts already then please don't marry her
Agreed.

[he's not ready for anything]
 
Old 12-29-2013, 05:07 AM
 
Location: Foothills of Northern California
442 posts, read 585,177 times
Reputation: 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by beeaichwetwork View Post
Hello. I am a 27 year old male never been married no kids. Im a good looking guy finding and dating beautiful women has never been a problem for me.

Last year I met a woman, 40 years old. Looks 30. Never married no kids. We fell in love quick. And im old enough to know it wasnt puppy love. We even took vacations together split it traveled hike. We were truly in love. Never did those things with a partner before.

Now that its been a year its crap or get off the pot and I need to marry this girl. But now I have cold feet. Not only am I only 27 so I would be giving up everything because I only want one successful marriage but we would have to have kids NOW because of her age. Also what happens when I am 35 years old and she will be 48. Wont that make me resent her?

I feel so terrible, I told her. But its so sad. She is such an amazing person if only she was 35 or I was 35. And now she may never have kids. I care for this person deeply but I feel like down the road it could turn ugly. Please help.
If you want to resent her later on, you will. If you want to love her, you will.

If you feel this is love, I am not sure the hesitancy. People go their whole lives without being loved.

After she dies, you can get remarried. It's not sin

You can have children. No rush

You can foster or adopt.

We have one biological child, and we fostered children for years.

None happen to come up for adoption

and that's fine cause we had no plans either way.
 
Old 12-29-2013, 06:16 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,556,724 times
Reputation: 12334
She probably doesn't want kids since she hasnt had any and waited so long. What is wrong of you is to lead this woman to believe that you want a future with her, with or without kids. You need to dump her asap and never get involved with much older women again, no matter how tempted you are or how much fun you have with them. Just stick to girls your own age or younger. You can have fun with them too.

(you both will get over it, but do not prolong this)
 
Old 12-29-2013, 06:30 AM
 
19,954 posts, read 29,990,395 times
Reputation: 39972
you would have these fears/feelings with any woman..... the way everyone shyts on marriage, and divorce rates, our frame of reference with getting married is not a positive one..

if you have exceptional chemistry with this lady, if she has a kind heart, if she enjoys doing for you, or both of you,,, marry this girl,,
age is a number..

the demise of many men is,, "what else is out there" or what will i miss"


life is a journey thru time,,,, make your own enjoyable timelines,,,you have what you want right in front of you ,, recognize and appreciate it!!

if you let this lady go, your heart will ache for her,,,and other girls, most likely, wont measure up..
 
Old 12-29-2013, 06:49 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,556,724 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
you would have these fears/feelings with any woman..... the way everyone shyts on marriage, and divorce rates, our frame of reference with getting married is not a positive one..

if you have exceptional chemistry with this lady, if she has a kind heart, if she enjoys doing for you, or both of you,,, marry this girl,,
age is a number..

the demise of many men is,, "what else is out there" or what will i miss"


life is a journey thru time,,,, make your own enjoyable timelines,,,you have what you want right in front of you ,, recognize and appreciate it!!

if you let this lady go, your heart will ache for her,,,and other girls, most likely, wont measure up..
You're a good guy, mbm.
 
Old 12-29-2013, 07:25 AM
 
5,724 posts, read 7,442,831 times
Reputation: 4518
Quote:
Originally Posted by beeaichwetwork View Post
Hello. I am a 27 year old male never been married no kids. Im a good looking guy finding and dating beautiful women has never been a problem for me.

Last year I met a woman, 40 years old. Looks 30. Never married no kids. We fell in love quick. And im old enough to know it wasnt puppy love. We even took vacations together split it traveled hike. We were truly in love. Never did those things with a partner before.

Now that its been a year its crap or get off the pot and I need to marry this girl. But now I have cold feet. Not only am I only 27 so I would be giving up everything because I only want one successful marriage but we would have to have kids NOW because of her age. Also what happens when I am 35 years old and she will be 48. Wont that make me resent her?

I feel so terrible, I told her. But its so sad. She is such an amazing person if only she was 35 or I was 35. And now she may never have kids. I care for this person deeply but I feel like down the road it could turn ugly. Please help.
Love is not enough to make a marriage successful. If you have doubts, I recommend that you do not marry her. There is a big difference between 27 and 40. The person that you are today will not be the same person when you turn 40. I am 40, and to me, you are a boy. Suppose she cannot give you children? Suppose the child has developmental issues? Suppose when she turn 50, she looks 50? I love the idealism of young people but pragmatism takes over when you are 40.
 
Old 12-29-2013, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Nashville, TN -
9,588 posts, read 5,784,568 times
Reputation: 11115
mainebrokerman,

srjth is right. You are a good guy. And a very rare man, indeed!
 
Old 12-29-2013, 08:24 AM
 
Location: My House
34,935 posts, read 36,059,633 times
Reputation: 26535
You're seriously overthinking this, man.

Unless you have GOT to have biological kids of your own and she doesn't want any, marry her if you love her.

Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship. Why burden it with scenarios that may not happen?

You could get hit by a bus in a few years. Who knows?
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