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I think this is a growing trend now. I've been lately reading about some people are clearly unsatisfied with their partner's sexual past. Though the men seemed to be the ones having more trouble with that, there have been quite several women too. I feel like even the ''relationship only'' type people suddenly have to be ok with those who had ONS, casual sex, FWB and had to go through the stage of sleeping around in their younger years to get to where they are now. I refuse to accept a man like that because I was never like that nor would ever be.
It seems that we're living in a time where the casual sex (high count) group is slightly overrriding us, the ''only in a relationship'' (low count) group. As a result and base on other threads here as well as other sites I've been reading, even if a man or woman is low-count and not comfortable with that contrast, they are still persuaded into going along with the mantra ''the past is the past, accept them for who they are now'' and accept the high-count individual.
But it's clearly causing them trouble and I'm willing to bet they would have love to find someone similar to them in sexual attitude and with the same low-count past.
I would feel very insulted if others try to convince me to accept a high-count man because ''it's all in the past'' and would rather be single if I can't find my male counterpart (I'm serious, I don't want a man with a promiscuous past) in that particular area. I get the feeling some people might be just settling and compromising in this area out of fear of being alone and aging.
If ''the past is the past'' then there wouldn't be any retroactive jealousy, the low-count feeling inferior because he/she couldn't wait for them, threatening break-ups, needing a book or counseling, the need for the high-count to lie and hide this and they would probably feel proud about it but I don't see that being the case.
I've experienced both sides of the equation, when I was younger I would get mad about stupid stuff that happened before I was with a girl. S hit happens, people change...get over it or move along.
I've experienced both sides of the equation, when I was younger I would get mad about stupid stuff that happened before I was with a girl. S hit happens, people change...get over it or move along.
Get over it?? Just like that? I've only been with 1 man in my life in a relationship so someone with a wild past wouldn't be my comfort zone to be honest.
I'm just demanding the same in return: a ''relationship only'' type man and I'm sure they do exist else if they don't, then I don't mind staying single and travelling on my own and educating myself with historical cultures.
It's one of natures double standards and you just have to deal with it. Men are prized for their experience and women for their chastity (or relative chastity...it's normal to have a past.) That's why both men and women are compulsive liars about their f-count. Both are desperately trying to prove something that may or may not be true.
Bah, I personally have a high count and could care less if a woman's count is higher than mine. I'd be surprised!!! But I can't imagine it would affect my impression of her one way or the other. I would hope/expect she at some point would be comfortable in swapping war stories.
Get over it?? Just like that? I've only been with 1 man in my life in a relationship so someone with a wild past wouldn't be my comfort zone to be honest.
I'm just demanding the same in return: a ''relationship only'' type man and I'm sure they do exist else if they don't, then I don't mind staying single and traveling on my own and educating myself with historical cultures.
Do more of this, experience life a little bit more, you might end up realizing that people change. We all have pasts, good and bad parts, why hold someone accountable? Love is love, it should not have a rule or guidebook.
Do more of this, experience life a little bit more, you might end up realizing that people change. We all have pasts, good and bad parts, why hold someone accountable? Love is love, it should not have a rule or guidebook.
No thanks. I don't want to accept an ''Well I've been wild before but now want a relationship and changed''. I want someone like me, who didn't have to have a wild past to want to be in a relationship.
To me, experiencing life is not necessarily having casual sex. I don't want someone changed, I want someone who was always ''Only relationship'' type in the low-count. If that type of man doesn't exist at all, then I don't mind being single.
No thanks. I don't want to accept an ''Well I've been wild before but now want a relationship and changed''. I want someone like me, who didn't have to have a wild past to want to be in a relationship.
To me, experiencing life is not necessarily having casual sex. I don't want someone changed, I want someone who was always ''Only relationship'' type. If that type of man doesn't exist, then I don't mind being single.
I am not one to tell people to get over their sexual preferences. Your post makes me curious, though, something that had not occurred to me before. If a man has a low count because he only had "special" sex, wouldn't lots of special sex feel more threatening than lots of unspecial sex? A man who has had a long-term relationship knows the other woman very intimately in all ways, and they may have had sex hundreds or thousands of times.
But at least special sex is better. That man did it in long-term relationships which means he just didn't give in quickly into any random woman (only to not see her again) and who I can relate to. That has a lot of value to me. No way I'm going to compromise and accept any man with a wild past.
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