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Old 01-08-2014, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Rome, Italy
92 posts, read 92,956 times
Reputation: 16

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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
How sad that you feel you have to "protect" yourself from your nonworking, penniless doormat of a wife who has given all of her time and resources completely to you for 40 years asking nothing more than to stay married.
I bet you would have no pity if I stayed penniless. Like I didn't work a lot as well to deserve my money.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Give her the house, a lump sum and her independence. Continuing to control her with an allowance for the rest of her life is just cruel.
In case of divorce I'll surely be legally forced to do so. If that's the case, I won't give her the house. She would have to sell it to give me my half.

 
Old 01-08-2014, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Rome, Italy
92 posts, read 92,956 times
Reputation: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe the Photog View Post
Have some pity on her. You ripped the rug right out from under her and now you expect her to bounce back up and move on with her life as easily as you have. Be civil with her, but also don't give her any false hope. It's going to be tough on her but I really feel the best thing for her is you to be a non-factor in her life. She has my sympathy; you do not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Sadly, you can't give what you don't have.

And our OP has no compassion, no empathy, and no clue how ugly what he has done and is doing really is.
No compassion? If I had no compassion I wouldn't keep sending her the money every month. A lot of other people would simply think "it's her problem".
 
Old 01-11-2014, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Rome, Italy
92 posts, read 92,956 times
Reputation: 16
We finally met for coffee yesterday. She tried to kiss me on the cheek and hold my hand but I told her that if she was making another scene, I would go away and she would never see me again.

She regained her composure and we were able to talk. I gave her the two options I had already mentioned here:

1) We could go through with the divorce, we could put the house for sale, I would get my half of the house and she would get her half from my savings. We could also sell some other belongings and split the profits.

2) We could as we here, legally separated, remaining married but without any obligation whatsoever towards each other.

I said it might be better in the long run to choose number 1 but amazingly she chose number 2. She says she wants to end her days married to the father of her children. She said that if marriage holds no value for me, it's highly valued by her. She was on the verge of tears again and tried to shove more religious nonsense down my throat.

I told her I was fine with her decision but to only contact me when it came to issues regarding our children, grandchildren or the house. She threw her last card by saying that the grandkids are always asking for me (they used to see me everyday when I lived there) and that she was sure I would come back one day if I seriously thought about it.

I assured her I wouldn't and that her decision was not irreversible. She can always go back if she decides she wants the divorce instead.
 
Old 01-11-2014, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlonzoHelmt View Post
We finally met for coffee yesterday. She tried to kiss me on the cheek and hold my hand but I told her that if she was making another scene, I would go away and she would never see me again.

She regained her composure and we were able to talk. I gave her the two options I had already mentioned here:

1) We could go through with the divorce, we could put the house for sale, I would get my half of the house and she would get her half from my savings. We could also sell some other belongings and split the profits.

2) We could as we here, legally separated, remaining married but without any obligation whatsoever towards each other.

I said it might be better in the long run to choose number 1 but amazingly she chose number 2. She says she wants to end her days married to the father of her children. She said that if marriage holds no value for me, it's highly valued by her. She was on the verge of tears again and tried to shove more religious nonsense down my throat.

I told her I was fine with her decision but to only contact me when it came to issues regarding our children, grandchildren or the house. She threw her last card by saying that the grandkids are always asking for me (they used to see me everyday when I lived there) and that she was sure I would come back one day if I seriously thought about it.

I assured her I wouldn't and that her decision was not irreversible. She can always go back if she decides she wants the divorce instead.
Mod cut: Off topic.

But I do feel extremely sorry for you both.

When you grow old and incontinent, can't sleep much anymore and every day feels like a week, or worse, you get cancer or have a stroke, maybe you'll think back to how you so callously threw away a woman who took her marriage vows more seriously than you deserved.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 01-14-2014 at 09:14 AM..
 
Old 01-11-2014, 09:03 PM
 
Location: DFW
40,936 posts, read 49,025,568 times
Reputation: 54962
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Mod snip.

But I do feel extremely sorry for you both.

When you grow old and incontinent, can't sleep much anymore and every day feels like a week, or worse, you get cancer or have a stroke, maybe you'll think back to how you so callously threw away a woman who took her marriage vows more seriously than you deserved.
This is probably the harshest and most deserved post ever from LovesMountains in the history of CD.

When she kicks butt, it's well deserved.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 01-14-2014 at 09:15 AM..
 
Old 01-12-2014, 01:18 AM
 
305 posts, read 374,922 times
Reputation: 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlonzoHelmt View Post
I've been married for 39 years but my wife and I have been legally separated for a year ago.

Our marriage was mostly a mistake. I never truly liked her but at the time that's what people did: get married. She was certainly very pretty, very intelligent, honest and hard working but I wasn't born to stay with just one woman. I must have slept with dozens of different women throughout our marriage, I always wanted to be with other women.

It never progressed to more than a few nights of sex and it only happened when I was away from home. I was never meant to be the dutiful idyllic husband who enjoyed staying home. I tried to convince myself that I would change and act differently but I was only fooling myself and everyone around me. I think it came to a point where I had to be honest with myself.

Of course not everything was bad. We have 4 grown up sons who I love dearly who have given me 3 grandchildren already.

One day I spoke to her, left our house and bought another for myself. I brought everything that belonged to me, we took care of the legal papers to get separated, separated bank accounts and whatever property we could. She's no longer in my life insurance or my will (the only beneficiaries are my sons) but I still pay her pension.

She stopped working after our 2nd son was born which I never to be a good idea. Her whole life has revolved about us. She has few assets of herself, just a small part of the money her parents left when they passed away.

Now I can finally have the carefree lifestyle I've always enjoyed, I can come and go as I like, I can go out at night without being questioned, I can bring a few escorts around (I'm aware of my age, I'm not the pathetic old man trying to attract young women) and I do whatever I want.

She showed up at my house before Christimas, crying her eyes out and hugged me, saying she didn't care about what I had done in the past because she couldn't live without me after so many years. She said she couldn't live in that house on her own anymore. I told her my decision had been made and she was only fooling herself.

I told her she should get another man and move with her life because I would be the first one to congratulate them. She said she would never do that because she's still married to me and I was the only man in her life. She's very religious and that's one of the reasons why we didn't get a divorce.

How can I make her understand the best she can do is carry on with her life? Not for me but for our children and grandchildren. She keeps sending me text messages saying to come back home, she has forgiven me, etc.
Ugh, sounds clingy and obsessive. Just ignore. The end. She's an adult. Not a kid. Doesn't own you either. Cutoff contact. Only way she'll accept it.
 
Old 01-12-2014, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Rome, Italy
92 posts, read 92,956 times
Reputation: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
When you grow old and incontinent, can't sleep much anymore and every day feels like a week, or worse, you get cancer or have a stroke, maybe you'll think back to how you so callously threw away a woman who took her marriage vows more seriously than you deserved.
There's a point: I think ahead of time. Don't you think I've already planned everything for such situations? People who have cancer or a stroke need professional care, not the husband's/wife's care.
 
Old 12-22-2014, 10:53 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
Wondering how this Poster's life has turned out? Interesting thread.
 
Old 12-22-2014, 12:16 PM
 
27,957 posts, read 39,682,605 times
Reputation: 26197
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Wondering how this Poster's life has turned out? Interesting thread.
Still in his mothers basement still fixated on the story.
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