Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Isn't marriage supposed to be about compromise especially for a SO?
In this case he should accompany her to bed until she falls asleep.
The intimate time can be had over the weekends, life isn't perfect.
Need to act like grownups rather than be selfish.
She needs her sleep and he can get his sleep whenever.
How is it a compromise to do what she wants? As mentioned in my earlier post, as long as they have some time in the evening for that emotional connection, then she should be able to go to bed by herself. Accompanying her to bed until she falls asleep sounds too much like a parent putting their toddler to bed, IMO.
Me and my wife have been together a little over 3 years. For the first year and a half or so, we pretty much always went to bed together at the same time. However, things were simpler back then, she was just a student (not working) and I had a job with flexible hours. We usually would not go to bed till 2,3 or even 4AM sometimes. (I remember quite a few fun 1AM pizza runs!, lol!)
Anyway, in the last year or so especially, she started working a strictly scheduled job from 9-5 usually. Since then she realized she can't pull the late nights anymore and she usually tries to go to bed by 11, at least before midnight. Me on the other hand started working from home and have even more flexible hours than I did before. I still like to burn the midnight oil and stay up late, so this basically created a situation where we were constantly going to bed and waking up at different times.
Getting to the point, my wife expressed to me she gets really sad that we don't go to bed at the same time anymore, and misses sleeping together. She said it makes her feel lonely and sad. I definitely understand where she's coming from as there has been a few instances where I went to bed earlier and definitely felt sad she wasn't there as I drifted to sleep. However, I really love burning the midnight oil and find it difficult to force myself to bed early at 11PM when I want to accomplish so many other things yet.
Not only that, but sometimes I feel that those quiet nights are my most productive times of the day. The hustle and bustle of the daytime is gone, work is over, it's quiet outside, the pets and wife are asleep. I've found this a great time to burn through some of my online classes, work on personal projects, or just finally have some personal time to play through a video game, read a book, or pursue some of my other hobbies. By going to bed earlier with her, I feel like I would miss out on all this time to have some "me" time.
I also feel it's somewhat common for couples to sleep at different times. I hear many stories from my married friends and acquaintances of them doing the same thing as me. Staying up all night till 3AM or so after the wife and kids are asleep so they have some time to themselves. We don't have kids yet, but I can only imagine I'm going to want to burn the midnight oil even more once we do.
So I'm just curious to see what people think about this situation. Should I compromise and go to bed earlier even though I don't have too? It's been challenging to force myself to sleep early and also get up early, (especially when there is no need to) and it's also very easy to fall off the schedule. Burn the midnight oil once and sleep in and I find it impossible to fall asleep early the next day. My body and mind are simply not tired enough! Any thoughts, suggestions? How common or uncommon is it for couples to have different sleep schedules. Is this something that can be a major problem down the road or no? Like I said, I feel most couples I know go to sleep at different times. Would be great to hear new perspectives!
I've been married 31 years, I have always been night owl, I come alive at night , I rather go bed around 2-3AM wake-up around 10AM , hubby not so he likes go bed by 10PM wake-up like at 6AM... Since he doesn't like going to bed alone I tag along until he falls asleep then get up..Plus we can have adult fun as well,, ... Might want try that...
How is it a compromise to do what she wants? As mentioned in my earlier post, as long as they have some time in the evening for that emotional connection, then she should be able to go to bed by herself. Accompanying her to bed until she falls asleep sounds too much like a parent putting their toddler to bed, IMO.
So is their marriage is to do what he wants all the time then?
So what for this one thing is what she wants, doesn't anyone know what love is anymore.
There's give and take = compromising imo.
If one doesn't want to give into what their SO wants because they love them, if not then stay single imo.
Keeping score who gets their way more, yadda, yadda, yadda is not a relationship, it's more a "selfishnessship".
I've always done shift work so I never expected to go to bed at the same time as the husband. I don't think it would be pleasant to lie next to someone in bed wide-awake when I'm not sleepy. Maybe go to bed with her 1-2 times per week to make her happy but every night is asking for a lot. Maybe you can lie down with her until she goes to sleep sometimes?
How is it a compromise to do what she wants? As mentioned in my earlier post, as long as they have some time in the evening for that emotional connection, then she should be able to go to bed by herself. Accompanying her to bed until she falls asleep sounds too much like a parent putting their toddler to bed, IMO.
I SO agree with this. As I was reading some of the other responses, I was saying to myself, "what is she, four years old? She needs her blanky?" To me (and I realize everyone is different) that screams extreme neediness. If the goal was closeness and intimacy, we just failed big time. That would actually make me feel less close.
I can certainly see accommodating her a couple/few times a week, but as someone else said, laying in bed wide awake while someone else sleeps (and unable to do anything else because it might wake her) is not my idea of intimacy. It would seem more like being held hostage. Just my opinion.
To answer the OP question, my spouse is more of an am person. I am more of a night owl. We go to bed together about half the of time. Often I do just as I said and read in bed (or surf city data), but there is no set schedule. We just go by how we're feeling.
I don't agree that you both need to go to bed at the same time every night but you could a few nights per week. You need to ensure that you have that emotional connection every day with her, the kind that you get from laying in bed in the dark, chatting about whatever until you drift off. If you spend the evening apart, or at least not bonding in any way, that will create an emotional distance that is exacerbated by her going to bed alone. I think it's the connection that matters most, rather than just sleeping side-by-side. YMMV.
Big time!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
... Might want try that...
