What's with men wanting younger women? (hubby, abusive, perfect, like)

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by nearnorth

All of that is really neither here nor there, though. My point was actually that I don't care about a woman's age so much as appearance (in agreement with the poster to whom I was responding), so it doesn't matter how old she is. If I'm already physically attracted to her, it makes no difference if she ends up telling me she is 25 or 45. Hot is hot.

This has been my experience with men. I've never found the whole thing to be very complicated.

[Whyrallnamestaken]

Originally Posted by newdixiegirl

I can't believe that men on these boards argue so vehemently against the notion that "older" women (over 40?) can still be very attractive, fit, stylish, and highly sexual. But I'm more astounded by how many women seem to give up and give in to all the anti-older women rhetoric. Women so often write things like, "oh, over 40, it's a man's world"; "women show their ages sooner"; "we just have to take what we can get after we're over 40'; "men age better than we do." To my ears, this translates as, we're all just a bunch of old hags; we should just give up on life and go live on a deserted island somewhere, we should just curl up and die.... Really, I just can't get over it.

And I think that I probably feel the way I do because I didn't grow up in the US. I'm sure I'll get attacked for saying this, but these anti-women attitudes (to the degree I see them expressed in US online forums) are sooo American. "Older" women bashing and denigrating seems to be a favorite pastime in the US....

.........

Having said all of that, women have to buck up. Good grief, take pride in yourselves, pride in your appearances, and accept that you have the desire and right to continue to be attractive, highly sexual beings. I mean, is that so hard to believe? Knock it off with the self-loathing, and have more respect for yourselves than to give in to all the rhetoric.

And what many men and women on these boards seem to fail to realize is that all this anti-"older" women talk hurts both women and men in the long run. The more men go around spouting this stuff, the more American women internalize it. The more they internalize it, the worse they feel about themselves. The worse they feel about themselves, the less they'll feel sexy and desirable, which will undermine their views of themselves as sexual beings, and then they'll give up on themselves. We all know what comes next: sex comes to a standstill. It doesn't have to be that way: if Americans could accept that fact that "older" women ARE indeed desirable, then everyone will be enjoying a lot more action!



That's exactly the kind of self-loathing that I find so many American women exhibit. And I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go out with her again. If I were a man, I wouldn't either.

I agree and disagree with what you have said. I am offended that you think older women have to be fit in order to get a man. A lot of older men are not fit and probably are not going to attract fit women. Women at any age should expect to be able to attract someone comparable to them.

I grew up seeing older men with younger women. I also remember a time in this country when middle aged men were divorcing their wives and marrying someone younger. Unfortunately, Hollywood has a lot of influence here and as the male actor ages, he is always paired with a younger (20-30s) partner.

I do believe women need to change some of their attitudes. I personally experienced ageism. At 41 years old, I came out of a long term relationship. I felt good about myself and did not look old at all. I found that the men I was meeting and dating were not interested in me once they found out I was SEVERAL years older than them. Mind you, they must have thought I was attractive and their age or younger, otherwise they wouldn't have given me the time of day. I went to a singles dinner and the guy sitting next to me was very friendly towards me. He was telling everyone that he met a girl at another dinner that was over 40 (he was late 30s) and laughed and said "she was a geritol woman". I met another guy who acted interested in me who told me he broke up with his girlfriend because he found out she was older than him. I saw her and she didn't LOOK older than him. I asked him what age group he dates because I knew I was older than him. He wouldn't tell me. I went to a number of singles mixers where the men looked to be late 40s, early 50s, all divorced. I had quite a few men tell me that they were having sex with a 20 something woman and they had to break up with her (each gave various reasons). I could not begin to figure out why they were telling me this. I didn't look like I was in my 20s nor close to their age. So where they bragging or just insulting me?

So buck up ladies!!! Geez I don't believe that what you say women need to do is going to change the minds of a lot of American men. It is the culture we live in. It doesn't hurt for women to get fit or stay in shape and change their attitude, but men have to also change or have a reason to change their views of older women.

[nearnorth]

Originally Posted by Whyrallnamestaken

I agree and disagree with what you have said. I am offended that you think older women have to be fit in order to get a man. A lot of older men are not fit and probably are not going to attract fit women.

That's not how it works, in my experience. Most of the women I've dated who are my age (not to mention the younger ones) in recent years have been more fit than I am. Women in general tend to be not as focused on the physical/visual as men are, luckily for me. ( I'm so glad I'm not gay. Those dudes have to be buff!)

I'm just not attracted to very many overweight women, even though I am overweight. Fortunately, there are fit women who are attracted to me, for whatever reason. It's a double standard, and it's not fair, but that's the reality, regardless of what it "should" be.

[Nallia1]

Originally Posted by Whyrallnamestaken

A lot of older men are not fit and probably are not going to attract fit women. Women at any age should expect to be able to attract someone comparable to them.

I grew up seeing older men with younger women. I also remember a time in this country when middle aged men were divorcing their wives and marrying someone younger. Unfortunately, Hollywood has a lot of influence here and as the male actor ages, he is always paired with a younger (20-30s) partner.

I don't believe that what you say women need to do is going to change the minds of a lot of American men. It is the culture we live in. It doesn't hurt for women to get fit or stay in shape and change their attitude, but men have to also change or have a reason to change their views of older women.

Preach, my dear Whyrallnamestaken!

I am tired of older men robbing the younger women of their youth, then dumping her after acknowledging that she is too immature for him...only to begin the cycle again. I blame the younger women as well because a lot of them overlook major character flaws because of their obsession with status and money. I guess one could also argue that the older men do the same because of their obsession with youth and beauty.

The most lasting relationships are ones where both parties have things in common, mutual respect for each other, love and trust. It has been my experience that in relationships where there is a marked age difference, a few of these important elements are usually missing.

People forget that there is indeed such a thing as generational differences...and it can be quite a formidable foe.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by Nallia1

I recently hopped on the bandwagon of online dating (new town, career girl, etc) and have been frustrated by the barrage of messages from 40+ and 50+ year old men to a woman in her mid 20s. These men are often around the same age as my father which I find extremely abhorrent and more than a little creepy. I will allow that some of the men look good for their respective ages (PC police please forgive me ) but goodness gracious, a woman >20 years your junior, and possibly the same age or younger than your own kids?! Give me a freaking break!

All you online daters please before contacting someone, look at their specifications for a respective mate. If I say I'm looking for someone between the ages of 26 and 36, please don't be surprised if all your messages go unanswered.

~Rant ended~

Thank you.

When I did online I was offended by all the men 55+ that contacted me though my profile clearly stated 30-50. A 60 year old man is too old for me even if he's a "young" 60. People don't read profiles, which is why I think online is horrible.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by nearnorth

All of that is really neither here nor there, though. My point was actually that I don't care about a woman's age so much as appearance (in agreement with the poster to whom I was responding), so it doesn't matter how old she is.

I think this, and all the related posts by others, is one of the most important points of this thread. It busts through the stereotypes to a degree, and recognizes diversity at different ages.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

I think this, and all the related posts by others, is one of the most important points of this thread. It busts through the stereotypes to a degree, and recognizes diversity at different ages.

I mentioned this before but when I lowered my age on dating sites I got a lot more responses. I actually wasn't looking for anyone, I was just trying to prove my point that many men online will ignore women their age. It really saddened me actually.

[nearnorth]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

I think this, and all the related posts by others, is one of the most important points of this thread. It busts through the stereotypes to a degree, and recognizes diversity at different ages.

Thanks, and I agree, but the other, equally significant part of that (though it may be a less palatable truth) is that younger women are simply more likely to have that youthful look. That doesn't mean they all have it, or that older women can't have it, but statistically speaking it's going to be more common in younger women, and it's going to be more likely to stay that way for a longer period of time with a younger woman. Because of this, younger women are going to continue to be in demand by older men, regardless of whether any of us think they "should" be, or think that it's creepy, etc.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by nearnorth

Thanks, and I agree, but the other, equally significant part of that (though it may be a less palatable truth) is that younger women are simply more likely to have that youthful look. That doesn't mean they all have it, or that older women can't have it, but statistically speaking it's going to be more common in younger women, and it's going to be more likely to stay that way for a longer period of time with a younger woman. Because of this, younger women are going to continue to be in demand by older men, regardless of whether any of us think they "should" be, or think that it's creepy, etc.

True, but it's also true that there are plenty of men who prefer women in their own age range, and some of those don't care if she looks younger or looks her age. Some men prefer a more sophisticated or "mature" look (because it indicates maturity, or wisdom as you call it, or life experience), not a young or baby-faced look. There's a huge variety of tastes out there.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by Whyrallnamestaken

I agree and disagree with what you have said. I am offended that you think older women have to be fit in order to get a man. A lot of older men are not fit and probably are not going to attract fit women. Women at any age should expect to be able to attract someone comparable to them.

I grew up seeing older men with younger women. I also remember a time in this country when middle aged men were divorcing their wives and marrying someone younger. Unfortunately, Hollywood has a lot of influence here and as the male actor ages, he is always paired with a younger (20-30s) partner.

I do believe women need to change some of their attitudes. I personally experienced ageism. At 41 years old, I came out of a long term relationship. I felt good about myself and did not look old at all. I found that the men I was meeting and dating were not interested in me once they found out I was SEVERAL years older than them. Mind you, they must have thought I was attractive and their age or younger, otherwise they wouldn't have given me the time of day. I went to a singles dinner and the guy sitting next to me was very friendly towards me. He was telling everyone that he met a girl at another dinner that was over 40 (he was late 30s) and laughed and said "she was a geritol woman". I met another guy who acted interested in me who told me he broke up with his girlfriend because he found out she was older than him. I saw her and she didn't LOOK older than him. I asked him what age group he dates because I knew I was older than him. He wouldn't tell me. I went to a number of singles mixers where the men looked to be late 40s, early 50s, all divorced. I had quite a few men tell me that they were having sex with a 20 something woman and they had to break up with her (each gave various reasons). I could not begin to figure out why they were telling me this. I didn't look like I was in my 20s nor close to their age. So where they bragging or just insulting me?

So buck up ladies!!! Geez I don't believe that what you say women need to do is going to change the minds of a lot of American men. It is the culture we live in. It doesn't hurt for women to get fit or stay in shape and change their attitude, but men have to also change or have a reason to change their views of older women.

I agree with your post for the most part, especially the part where it mentions women should be able to expect a comparable man. Offline I never had problems attracting men like me who were fit, youthful for my age, same kind of history (never married/no kids). However online was another story and got so many responses from older men, guys with kids (though my profile stated no kids), obese men and guys with little education. Yet when I would mention what I wanted so many nutjobs came out of the woodwork, not just here but online. I did an interview about my horrible experiences with online and had all these people write to the paper saying how "picky" I was. Oddly, I'm not even obsessed with him being fit but don't want an obese man.