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They could have obtained all their sexual partners in death valley, it doesn't matter, the point that it is a good indicator of non-commitment still stands. I am not trying to chastise people with a high number, I am just giving my perspective to the question the OP posed. Which highlighted long term relationships.
Sex does not imply commitment, so a 'high' number (whatever that is) most certainly does not imply a 'lack of commitment'.
What implies commitment? Well, whatever you want it to be, but I suspect you'll find very few people who view the first sex act with a person (and that's the only act, the first, that matters in the tally of this number you find so revelatory) as a commitment of any sort.
People have sex for all sorts of reasons. It's fun. It feels good. It's emotionally satisfying. It's a way to get much closer to someone you've found that you really like. Sex typically occurs fairly early in a relationship, and humans often go through numerous relationships before settling on a partner they decide is worthy of a long-term commitment. Some people look long and hard before they find the right person to stay with for a long time. I would idealize that ahead of idealizing commiting to someone on the basis of having had sex with them once.
You might as well claim that a high number of people one has dated implies a lack of commitment - but again, as with sexual partners, it doesn't, because a date, like sex, doesn't imply commitment.
And, back to your first sentence, actually, it does matter - the reference to college. College (first with a person) sexual connections are very rarely viewed by students as any sort of commitment. You don't really think otherwise, do you?
The problem is that people treat sex as something mystical, or 'special' (it isn't - it's no more special than breathing or drinking water, it's just a lot more fun and can result in either great joy or great misery, circumstances depending) or a 'gift from god'. It's none of those things. It's just a biological function that has been integrated into the social dynamics of human pair-bonding.
Plenty of people are capable of healthily (both physically and emotionally) experiencing one or two (or more) new sexual partners in the course of a year as they date from the average age of a first sexual experience until they find someone who they decide meets their long-term requirements. And if that doesn't happen until ones late 20s, or mid 30s, or later- well, you do the math.
Sex does not imply commitment, so a 'high' number (whatever that is) most certainly does not imply a 'lack of commitment'.
What implies commitment? Well, whatever you want it to be, but I suspect you'll find very few people who view the first sex act with a person (and that's the only act, the first, that matters in the tally of this number you find so revelatory) as a commitment of any sort.
People have sex for all sorts of reasons. It's fun. It feels good. It's emotionally satisfying. It's a way to get much closer to someone you've found that you really like. Sex typically occurs fairly early in a relationship, and humans often go through numerous relationships before settling on a partner they decide is worthy of a long-term commitment. Some people look long and hard before they find the right person to stay with for a long time. I would idealize that ahead of idealizing commiting to someone on the basis of having had sex with them once.
You might as well claim that a high number of people one has dated implies a lack of commitment - but again, as with sexual partners, it doesn't, because a date, like sex, doesn't imply commitment.
And, back to your first sentence, actually, it does matter - the reference to college. College (first with a person) sexual connections are very rarely viewed by students as any sort of commitment. You don't really think otherwise, do you?
The problem is that people treat sex as something mystical, or 'special' (it isn't - it's no more special than breathing or drinking water, it's just a lot more fun and can result in either great joy or great misery, circumstances depending) or a 'gift from god'. It's none of those things. It's just a biological function that has been integrated into the social dynamics of human pair-bonding.
Plenty of people are capable of healthily (both physically and emotionally) experiencing one or two (or more) new sexual partners in the course of a year as they date from the average age of a first sexual experience until they find someone who they decide meets their long-term requirements. And if that doesn't happen until ones late 20s, or mid 30s, or later- well, you do the math.
Thank you for being the voice of the 21st century.
The problem is that people treat sex as something mystical, or 'special' (it isn't - it's no more special than breathing or drinking water, <--snip-->It's none of those things. It's just a biological function that has been integrated into the social dynamics of human pair-bonding. <--snip-->
The fact that you trivialize something as amazing as breathing and drinking water into something of a mere biological function means it really is your loss. Perhaps you are so firmly planted into the physical plain of existence that you have forgotten that we are spiritual beings walking on a physical plain, not the other way round. I used to think exactly like you once upon a time and I missed out a lot in life.
Now if a purely instinctive entity that had no concept of anything other than survival and breeding had said what you just did then that would be completely expected. If you see sex as a mere biological function, of course it's not going to be special to you, you may as well be an android lol.
The fact that you trivialize something as amazing as breathing and drinking water into something of a mere biological function means it really is your loss. Perhaps you are so firmly planted into the physical plain of existence that you have forgotten that we are spiritual beings walking on a physical plain, not the other way round. I used to think exactly like you once upon a time and I missed out a lot in life.
Now if a purely instinctive entity that had no concept of anything other than survival and breeding had said what you just did then that would be completely expected. If you see sex as a mere biological function, of course it's not going to be special to you, you may as well be an android lol.
Sex can be either a biological function, or a deep, loving bonding experience. And everything in between.
None of them is the "right way" to have sex, it's up to the individual to have the type that they want and/or need.
Judging someone on that decision is presumptuous and arrogant.
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Sex does not imply commitment, so a 'high' number (whatever that is) most certainly does not imply a 'lack of commitment'.
What implies commitment? Well, whatever you want it to be, but I suspect you'll find very few people who view the first sex act with a person (and that's the only act, the first, that matters in the tally of this number you find so revelatory) as a commitment of any sort.
People have sex for all sorts of reasons. It's fun. It feels good. It's emotionally satisfying. It's a way to get much closer to someone you've found that you really like. Sex typically occurs fairly early in a relationship, and humans often go through numerous relationships before settling on a partner they decide is worthy of a long-term commitment. Some people look long and hard before they find the right person to stay with for a long time. I would idealize that ahead of idealizing commiting to someone on the basis of having had sex with them once.
You might as well claim that a high number of people one has dated implies a lack of commitment - but again, as with sexual partners, it doesn't, because a date, like sex, doesn't imply commitment.
And, back to your first sentence, actually, it does matter - the reference to college. College (first with a person) sexual connections are very rarely viewed by students as any sort of commitment. You don't really think otherwise, do you?
The problem is that people treat sex as something mystical, or 'special' (it isn't - it's no more special than breathing or drinking water, it's just a lot more fun and can result in either great joy or great misery, circumstances depending) or a 'gift from god'. It's none of those things. It's just a biological function that has been integrated into the social dynamics of human pair-bonding.
Plenty of people are capable of healthily (both physically and emotionally) experiencing one or two (or more) new sexual partners in the course of a year as they date from the average age of a first sexual experience until they find someone who they decide meets their long-term requirements. And if that doesn't happen until ones late 20s, or mid 30s, or later- well, you do the math.
You make good points, but let me ask you a question. If your real or hypothetical brother had sex with your current girlfriend would that bother you at all?
Sex can be either a biological function, or a deep, loving bonding experience. And everything in between.
None of them is the "right way" to have sex, it's up to the individual to have the type that they want and/or need.
Judging someone on that decision is presumptuous and arrogant.
I take your point on board, when we have strong opposing views, we can easily end up judging others.
However, the person Ive quoted below is clearly stating that seeing sex as anything other than a biological experience is not the 'right way' and in addition is no more special than 'breathing or drinking water'. I find it interesting that you did not say anything about that fact.
I would be interested to know whether you see sex as a biological function or more of a spiritual one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsettomati
The problem is that people treat sex as something mystical, or 'special' (it isn't - it's no more special than breathing or drinking water, it's just a lot more fun and can result in either great joy or great misery, circumstances depending) or a 'gift from god'. It's none of those things. It's just a biological function that has been integrated into the social dynamics of human pair-bonding.
If you see sex as a mere biological function, of course it's not going to be special to you, you may as well be an android lol.
Why does it have to be either? I have had unspecial sex and I've had special sex. I am neither an "android" nor a "spiritual being". I am just a person going about her life.
Times have changed dramatically since I was a young person. Today, I would seriously advise a woman to wait until they are married. There are a million reasons why. Not the least of which being unplanned pregnancy. There are a billion stories out there of people who had great birth control that failed them and they ended up with a child they did not want and could not afford to raise properly.
You will find that if you make sex a challenge that most men will work very hard for it (being the competitive, horny creatures they are), but then once they have attained their "goal", they will move on to the next challenge. Honestly, depending on your age, when you get married you are going to have DECADES to have sex. What difference does waiting a year or two make, in the grand scheme of things?
20yrsinBranson
Surprised no one called you on this garbage.
"Decades of sex?" Are you kidding me? Couples break up all the time. Surely you've heard of that. And don't assume eveyone wants marriage and/or children either. The "when you get married" doesn't necessarily hold true for everyone as not all humans want that.
The OP mentioned "LTR" which doesn't define marriage. At 20 years old I do not think that is unreasonable. Marriage and that age is. Sounds to me she is okay with sex and is old enough to make that decision.
Also dead wrong that most men will drop a woman if they have sex soon after dating. Some dates and relationships work out, others don't. Nothing new there. I've never been one that treat sex like a game and never had an intentional one night stand either, even when I was younger. LOL that all men treat sex like a game - "being the competitive, horny creatures they are..."
This "wait until you are married" stuff is not only going backwards in time but it goes against human nature. And goes for both genders. In my experience women want sex just as much as men perhaps more.
"Work very hard" = begging. I really can't believe most men do that. Sounds like a stereotype.
As far as the "unplanned pregnancy" both partners hold an obligation to take extra precautions and responsibility so that it doesn't happen. Thank goodness it never happened to me but I have always been a smart adult when it came to that.
As I mentioned earlier a couple who are attracted to each other should just go with the flow. Whenever two consenting adults make an intelligent decision is the right time to engage in sex.
I take your point on board, when we have strong opposing views, we can easily end up judging others.
However, the person Ive quoted below is clearly stating that seeing sex as anything other than a biological experience is not the 'right way' and in addition is no more special than 'breathing or drinking water'. I find it interesting that you did not say anything about that fact.
I would be interested to know whether you see sex as a biological function or more of a spiritual one.
It has been both to me. When I was younger it was fun, I wasn't interested in commitment or a serious relationship, though just because it is my preference, I was always seriously monogamous. I was never terribly keen on ONS. But that is a personal decision.
With my husband it can be wild animal sex or a deeply profound experience. Honestly, it's a bonding experience both ways.
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With all due respect, what you describe is what happens eventually happens in a large fraction of the posts, here, but the tone can vary a lot.
That was the point I was trying to sarcastically make.
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