Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've only had sex with 2 men so far (I'm 20). 10 seems like a high number to me, but it's all relative, I guess.
I don't think you can put a specific number on hwo many men is too many. That depends on how old you are in many cases. Usually a woman that is 40 has had more partners than a woman that is 20. If you are 20, 10 is a lot, if you are 40 it may not be. I had a friend when I was in my late 20's that was single and divorced with 2 kids. I would go over to her house every morning for coffee. One month I went over there and every single day that month a different man came out of her bedroom in the morning. She would be in her 60's now and I cannot even imagine how many men she has been with in her lifetime.
I think you just have to take it one day at a time in a new relationship. Sometimes you may meet someone and be very attracted to them and become intimate very early on, and someone else it may be months. The key is to just take it as it comes, you can't plan it out.
If I want to eventually find a LTR, should I make the man I date wait several weeks/months, even if I am sexually/romantically attracted to him too, JUST so that he doesn't think I'm too easy and become turned off? How does this work?
I just realized that I forgot to respond to this question before.
Anyway, this is probably what I would do if I was in your position, regardless of what gender I would be at that point in time.
So, apparently most men don't want to seriously date or marry a woman with a high number of sexual partners (let's say ~10).
Most men here seem to believe that if a woman has sex with them too soon (1-5 dates?), or outside of an established exclusive relationship, then that means that she is not girlfriend/wife material.
Fair enough.
So does that mean that most men want a woman they like to make him EARN the right to have sex with her? Should sex be a challenge?
If I want to eventually find a LTR, should I make the man I date wait several weeks/months, even if I am sexually/romantically attracted to him too, JUST so that he doesn't think I'm too easy and become turned off? How does this work?
Men who won't seriously date a woman with a "high number" (whatever that is) are men who are insecure in their own masculinity. They secretly worry they are sexually inadequate, and fear being compared with other men.
Men who won't seriously a woman who has sex with them "too soon" (whatever that means) have just bought into a macho ideology that sees male/female relationships as predator/prey interactions. In their minds, sex is not something men and woman share, but something men take from women by conquest. While lots of casual sex makes men more manly, lots of casual sex makes women whores. It is a childish, primitive, idiotic way to think, and totally unworkable in practice.
Stay away from men who hold to either of these attitudes.
So, apparently most men don't want to seriously date or marry a woman with a high number of sexual partners (let's say ~10).
I think that's a faulty assumption. Most adults I know don't know or care how many previous partners their current partners have had. That's something that was discussed by people when I was in my teens, and to a lesser extent in my early 20's, but since then we just assume that we're all experienced.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby
Most men here seem to believe that if a woman has sex with them too soon (1-5 dates?), or outside of an established exclusive relationship, then that means that she is not girlfriend/wife material.
I don't think it's even true that a majority of the men here believe that. I think a very vocal minority believe that. I think most of that vocal minority are young, inexperienced and bitter, while the rest are just classic chauvinists.
For me, of my five longest / most serious relationships with girlfriends (ranked in order of their length/seriousness), the breakdown went like this:
1. Heavy making out on first date, everything but sex on second date, sex on third date.
2. Sex before we even had our first date, after being friends for 2-3 years.
3. Sex before we even had our first date, less than 24 hours after meeting for the first time.
4. Sex on fifth date. Didn't even kiss until third or fourth date.
5. Heavy making out on first date, sex on second date.
I had to really rack my brain to remember the details of these, as I'm not really into "keeping score", but these were obviously very memorable women/relationships for me. I had and still have the utmost respect for all of them. I'm still with one of them. #4 was a weird exception to the norm for me, obviously. We always had more of an intellectual and platonic connection than a sexual one, so sex just wasn't a priority (hence not having it until the fifth date), which was ultimately what caused the end of the relationship.
This is probably all TMI, but I don't know many educated/liberal/experienced adult men who don't want the same in a partner. The whole "easy" concept is sl*t-shaming straight from the 1950's, and really has no place in the modern world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby
So does that mean that most men want a woman they like to make him EARN the right to have sex with her? Should sex be a challenge?
Absolutely not. If you want to have sex with me, have sex with me. If you don't, don't. Life is too short for games, IMO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby
If I want to eventually find a LTR, should I make the man I date wait several weeks/months, even if I am sexually/romantically attracted to him too, JUST so that he doesn't think I'm too easy and become turned off?
Only if you want to end up with the kind of guy who maintains double standards and judges women negatively for being open with their sexuality and enjoying sex. Otherwise, be yourself and consider it a blessing if results in weeding out those guys.
Last edited by nearnorth; 01-06-2014 at 05:20 PM..
Men who won't seriously date a woman with a "high number" (whatever that is) are men who are insecure in their own masculinity. They secretly worry they are sexually inadequate, and fear being compared with other men.
Men who won't seriously a woman who has sex with them "too soon" (whatever that means) have just bought into a macho ideology that sees male/female relationships as predator/prey interactions. In their minds, sex is not something men and woman share, but something men take from women by conquest. While lots of casual sex makes men more manly, lots of casual sex makes women whores. It is a childish, primitive, idiotic way to think, and totally unworkable in practice.
Stay away from men who hold to either of these attitudes.
LOL~~~ I read this somewhere.. and truthfully it just seems like a double-standard issue ! What do you think of a man who has up to 10 partners? I would think twice about it, for sure.
___. Known as the double-standard, invented and perpetrated by patriarchy, feminists refuse to accept it, which is entirely their right. However, ignoring what is largely a matter of biology is erroneous. The double-standard has historically served a very important purpose in sexual relations, namely that of decreasing false paternity claims, which cost men dearly in emotional and physical resources.
When it's right it's right and all those crazy rules fly out the window. If you have to second guess, scrutinize and analyze every detail of a persons psyche then forget about it. I did not want to fall in love when I met my husband, but I did anyway. It didn't matter to me if he had been with 100 women as long as I was the last. The heart wants what the heart wants. So does the libido.
LOL~~~ I read this somewhere.. and truthfully it just seems like a double-standard issue ! What do you think of a man who has up to 10 partners? I would think twice about it, for sure.
___. Known as the double-standard, invented and perpetrated by patriarchy, feminists refuse to accept it, which is entirely their right. However, ignoring what is largely a matter of biology is erroneous. The double-standard has historically served a very important purpose in sexual relations, namely that of decreasing false paternity claims, which cost men dearly in emotional and physical resources.
Eh, I have no idea how many partners my SO has had, and I have no desire to know. I've met 3 of his ex girlfriends, so I know his 'number' is at least 3...but it's kind of a non-issue. He's never asked for my number either.
Would you marry/commit to a woman with a high number of sex partners?
I prefer it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
