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OP, please don't let this be the end of the world for you because its not. And please don't let your ex boyfriend think that you cant make it without him after leaving you like this. You are still very young so you have a long life ahead, you will eventually find someone else and move on with your life. keep your head up, be strong, and best of luck to you.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it. Surely you must have friends and relatives in your home country. Sounds like you're a stranger here. However, my first concern for you would be citizenship. Not sure if you can now become a US citizen. I'd suggest you check into this, otherwise any efforts to establish new relationships might come to nothing if you can't remain in the USA. Personally, I'd leave the whole bad incident behind and return to your home country, as long as finding a job is a realistic expectation. I'd also suggest you learn from this. Next time some guy asks you to make a big move like this, get married first.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Am kinda curious re: his complaint re: "fighting too much", yet you disagree? That sounds like an awfully big "disconnect" with implications even for future relationships. So what kinda things do you two fight about?
BTW, it could always be worse… you could be pregnant! Online dating is fine, but also has its own risks & pitfalls. So maybe time to take a breather from 'drama' and relationships for awhile, and start to pay more attention to yourself instead, by discovering your own interests, feelings, what your passions are, etc.. Basically sounds like time to start doing something else besides just investing all your emotional energy in another person!
I don't want this to be another 'Omg my life is so horrible' thread but at the moment I just don't know who to talk to and what to do. I know, sad. Let me explain a little bit more.
The love of my life (at least I thought it was) left me last week after two years of relationship. I'm female, 26 years old. I met him during my studies and left everything behind for him. My family, friends, my whole life in Europe (I'm European) to live with him in his country. While I had problems to really feel home in his country, our relationship was going great and his family included and welcomed me so much that I never felt alone or lonely. I've been working selfemployed for many years, so I never met people at an office or so. To be honest, I only have one good friend here. But of course she also has her own life, a boyfriend, work etc.
Well and now I'm alone. My boyfriend is gone, breaking up with me out of the nowhere (just a few days ago we were still planning a trip in summer, he called me family and told me he loves me), telling me that we're just fighting too much (I didn't think so). I'm alone now in our apartment, he's staying at his parents until I move out. And right now I just couldn't feel worse and lonlier. In fact, I've never felt so lonely in my entire life. Maybe I was stupid to base my life just on him (and work), but I was so happy with that. Now that he's gone I feel lie I'm alone in the world. Yes, I do have some friends in Europe, but to be honest there is nobody I wanna share all my private life with. They are more friends to have fun with, to hang out. And my life just feels so empty now without him. During the day I'm working (alone, also not talking to anyone) , but at night I feel so incredible sad and lonely.
To stop whining, I don't know what to do now with my life. I'm 26 years old and I feel like I'm home nowhere. I haven't lived in my own country for a couple of years because my mother is dead, I don't really have a relationship to my father, I have no siblings and actually I don't really have anything there that would make me go back. So going back to my own country is no option for me. Second, I'm selfemployed, so I couldn't even get a job somewhere that would force me to move there. I'm free as a bird, which most people consider as great, but that makes it just more difficult for me. I don't have friends in any specific country where I would say 'great, I'm gonna move there for them'. Most of my friends live in the States, where I cannot live because I don't have a visa. I could also stay here, but everything here reminds me of him and I feel like I'll not be able to start an independent happy life here.
I'm sorry if this thread is totally whiney but I'm just at a point at my life where I don't know what to do anymore. I feel lonely and lost. And with 26 I'm not the youngest anymore to just do another degree somewhere else or so.
I'm thankful about any advice.
I'm just going to put this out there ... Suck it up, buttercup! You make yourself sound like you're MY age and you have your whole life yet girl!!
The biggest mistake you made was your "picket fence mentality" and NOT leaving yourself an out in case it all goes to hell in a basket. It did too,huh?
NO ONE and nothing lasts forever, so pick up your broken heart, shove it back in your chest, and go on with your life!!
I've beeen there and done that, so many times, MY heart wears body armor!
Truest words ever. In a decade you won't even remember his last name.
In my experience this observation is true, but no one believes it when someone tells them this when they are in the middle of a problem. And I think it really takes quite a bit of living to actually realize this fact for yourself (if you ever do.)
In the meantime, the OP needs to find her own apartment, and I hope she is situated as a legal immigrant in the country where she has been living with her boyfriend.
I know how hard it is when a relationship ends. Everything feels insurmountable. And sometimes you feel sad for much longer than you expect.
Here's what you can and should be doing: keep doing whatever kind of work you do, for the time being, so you have some money coming in. Don't move out of your apartment yet. Your ex knows you are stuck.
And though you may have friends here, you have no visa and no way to get one easily. It's time to go home.
It's time to make plans to go where you will feel more culturally at ease, in your native country. You can probably find work again with your American education. Stop making excuses, because unfortunately, it's your only sensible option.
If you need help returning, contact your consulate and ask for assistance. You're really not alone.
Just FYI, I'm not living in the States, we live in Mexico. Most of my friends live in the US though because I lived there for a year (with a working visa which already expired).
I don't think going back to my home country is a good option. As I said, my mother is already dead, I have no siblings and never had a good relationship with my father. With uncles and aunts I never had much contact. Half of my grandparents are dead, but the ones who are alive aren't reason for me to come back because we're also not that close. I know, my family is a bit weird.
I'm just going to put this out there ... Suck it up, buttercup! You make yourself sound like you're MY age and you have your whole life yet girl!!
The biggest mistake you made was your "picket fence mentality" and NOT leaving yourself an out in case it all goes to hell in a basket. It did too,huh?
NO ONE and nothing lasts forever, so pick up your broken heart, shove it back in your chest, and go on with your life!!
I've beeen there and done that, so many times, MY heart wears body armor!
While this may be true to some degree, I don't see how this post helps right now. Telling someone to "suck it up" right after something bad happens to them rarely works. Sure, maybe she shouldn't have moved with her boyfriend, but she isn't the only one to do something like that.
lovesMountains is right, you need to allow yourself to grieve. At the same time, be good to yourself. Do things that help pick up your spirits, like listening to music, going dancing if that's your thing, and don't underestimate the power of a good massage for making life seem hopeful again. It's not going to be easy at first, so just accept that, and get on with what you need to do (finding an apartment, for starters).
26 isn't too old for getting another degree. That is definitely an option. Also, you could use your current job skills to find employment in an office, so you won't be as alone. And you could look around for meetup groups, hobby or sports groups, or volunteering, to provide a distraction from your sadness, and to get you some human company and make some friends over time. Begin to take steps to get out of your extreme isolation.
Good luck, OP. It DOES get better, but it takes time for that wound to heal.
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