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Well the big problem is... is that your fiance will not be easily moved away from her family since she is committed to paying off the mortgage to that house. And once you get married, what then?
Actually, objectively speaking, there's no reason that she couldn't sell the house, so they could buy one together. The couple would then have to decide if he should be reimbursed at time of sale for the rent he paid towards her mortgage, or not. Somehow, though, I doubt she'd opt for buying a house with him, because it would mean giving up a certain leverage she has, which we've seen she doesn't shrink from taking advantage of.
The fiancee seems more married to her family than committed to the OP. Actions speak louder than words, OP.
Well the big problem is... is that your fiance will not be easily moved away from her family since she is committed to paying off the mortgage to that house. And once you get married, what then? Will your fiance be fine with you being equal owners of her house? Or will she (or her family) want a pre-nup signed?
I suggest that you try to save up some money, even with getting a side part time job so that you are able to eventually buy into her house ownership. If you don't, her mother will consider you not good enough for her daughter. I'd say that her mother will only be happy with you when you are the bigger breadwinner in your relationship.
In traditional cultures (WASP, Asian, European, Latino), parents are extremely keen that their daughters' have suitors who are able to fully take care of them financially. And right now, their daughter seems to have more of her financial act together than you do (to them).
Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see anything that indicated that she "has her act together financially," any more or less than he does. Owing money on a house doesn't necessarily equal having one's financial act together, IMO.
It's interesting that this post brings up the fiancee not being easily moved away from her family, due to home ownership. Is moving her away from family the OP's intent? Is it something she in fact even wants? Does she even live near them, now? The OP referenced that the sister moved "to their city," and I'm unclear how nearby the family even is (not that geographic proximity has any real bearing on being under people's thumbs, anyway, if that's what the situation is).
Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see anything that indicated that she "has her act together financially," any more or less than he does. Owing money on a house doesn't necessarily equal having one's financial act together, IMO.
Well... buying a house does require the funds for the down payment and all the other incidentals. Meanwhile, the OP is just paying a third of the mortgage payment as his share of the rent (plus a share of the utilities). I think that the fiance's family would have liked him more if he owned his own house.
And yes, the fiance can put her house on the market at any time, but generally selling a house is a slow and painful process even under ideal conditions (quick sale but then waiting for the buyer to secure financing).
Well... buying a house does require the funds for the down payment and all the other incidentals. Meanwhile, the OP is just paying a third of the mortgage payment as his share of the rent (plus a share of the utilities). I think that the fiance's family would have liked him more if he owned his own house.
And yes, the fiance can put her house on the market at any time, but generally selling a house is a slow and painful process even under ideal conditions (quick sale but then waiting for the buyer to secure financing).
I don't think the family would have liked him more if he owned the house. The issue is personally with him based on what he's said. Doesn't sound like money is a problem, other than the SIL who doesn't have resources to get her own place.
I don't think the family would have liked him more if he owned the house. The issue is personally with him based on what he's said. Doesn't sound like money is a problem, other than the SIL who doesn't have resources to get her own place.
His potential MIL sounds a lot like my mother and the way she rants about my BIL and my other sister's ex-husband. And my BIL is a really nice guy, but my mother can't get beyond his lack of ambition and that my little sister always made a lot more money than he did (he's a photographer). My mom also hates his family and gets wound up over making sure that if my sister died first, that my BIL would not inherit anything that ever came from our family... because t he might leave to his family later on. So much crazy coming from her. Fortunately, the rest of my family is in CA.
And my mom will remind me that I should leave all of my possessions to my two nieces. I just quickly change the subject.
A friend of mine comes from a predominately Catholic background. When his father married a woman who was a Protestant, he was cut off from his family. They all lived in the same town, but he was shut out of the family's dairy business.
Anyway, I am still curious about this fiance's cultural background and whether or not there is some sort of culture, religious or racial clash going on.
Sounds like a lot of baggage, dude. Are you sure she's worth it? Hot alone isn't worth some kinds of baggage. She'd better have a killer personality. Oh, but she bosses you around? Moved her sister in in spite of your telling her not to? Better think this one over before wading in any deeper.
Sometimes folks do things and don't understand why themselves.
Insightful. All we can do is speculate as to her motives and the nature of her commitment to the OP, but this is interesting. I don't know if she'd give the OP honest answers if he were to sit her down and have a talk about the whole thing. But he should try.
Anyway, I am still curious about this fiance's cultural background and whether or not there is some sort of culture, religious or racial clash going on.
I agree. I'm wondering if it's either a clash or something else. Those reasons he mentioned don't seem valid enough to me to dislike a person that much. I think there's more to the dislike that what he said because if the dislike for him is based only on what he previously said then every guy in the world that she's dated wouldn't have been liked either. Maybe there were previous issues in the relationship? Maybe there's stuff that we don't know about.
OP--have you asked you fiancee if her mother and sister treated past bf's the way they treat you? I think I would have more comfort knowing that it's not something personal, but rather that the MIL is just overbearing and controlling. Just curious--I don't think there was mention of her dad. Is he in the picture?
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