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At the moment I have an inner fight with myself about the question if I should break up with my girlfriend (She's 27, I'm 30) of 1.5 years or not. Let me explain.
I love her very much. I would probably even say that I've never loved a girl like I love her. When I met her for the first time I had another girlfriend with who I thought I was quite happy, but when I met my current girlfriend I directly fell in love with her and realized on how many levels we connect and how great we are with each other. I didn't cheat on my ex-girlfriend, but I directly broke up with her to be with my current girlfriend. Everything was totally perfect and I was really sure that I found the love of my life. We started talking about having a family one day and I introduced her to all my family and friends, so did she.
Then, after a couple of months, the problems started. Sometimes she gets pissed for the most stupid things and when she gets pissed, I feel like she's totally transformed. She never screams at me, never calls me names or gets violent, but I feel like she's a totally different person. Behaving really cold, not talking to me. Sometimes we don't talk for hours. When I then make the first step she has no problem to be normal again and to behave normal, but usually it's me who has to do the first step. I have to admit, I'm also not an easy person. Often it's also me who gets pissed for the most trivial reasons and I don't even know why. She usually tries to talk at first but I don't really react (I don't know, when I'm pissed I can be difficult), then she just stops talking and lets me be pissed. Then we also don't talk for a long time.These 'incidents' never take longer than a few hours, it's never days without talking or so. But it's annoying. So yes, I feel like we fight a lot, although it's 99% of the time about stupid trivial ****. The ignoring stuff is the worst for me. And that she transforms. I feel like we're having a big communication problem and I don't really know if we can solve it because it has been going like this for a longer time and things don't seem to change. Maybe we're just not compatible on this level. I just don't like this at all.
The rest of the time is really still great. We share the same interests, want the same for the future, still totally connect, laugh a lot, have a great sex life and everything else that is part of a good relationship. She's a really great girlfriend, constantly tries to make me happy, surprises me, gives me incredibly great xmas and bday gifts, is sweet, caring, honest etc. And as I say, I really do love her.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like our relationship is a rollercoaster. Most of the time we're totally happy and everything is great and perfect, but then we also often have those stupid trivial things which I described above. I don't know what to do. I really love her and I don't want to loose her, but sometimes I think maybe it's better to move on because who knows if we can ever solve those problems.
What do you guys think? What would you do in my shoes? Thanks for your advices.
You both need to learn about communication styles.
If this is the MAIN and only thing you really hate, then do some work and LEARN how to express your emotions in a healthy way. It's fixable. Start with Google.
You both need to learn about communication styles.
If this is the MAIN and only thing you really hate, then do some work and LEARN how to express your emotions in a healthy way. It's fixable. Start with Google.
What could I google for example? Already googled stuff like 'How to fight', 'Healthy fighting' etc but I'm not sure if that helps..
I've never heard about learning "how to fight". Looks like communication is the problem here. When these trivial things come up, do either of you talk it out? What is it that sets her off so quickly? Maybe it's more anger management or "how to cope" with things that should be addressed--not learning "how to fight".
Has anything changed over the past few months that have caused her to react like that?
Are her feelings for you the same as how you feel about her? Sounds like there may be some unhappiness on her end but without both of you sitting down and having a heart-to-heart converstion, neither of you will learn how to fix this.
I've never heard about learning "how to fight". Looks like communication is the problem here. When these trivial things come up, do either of you talk it out? What is it that sets her off so quickly? Maybe it's more anger management or "how to cope" with things that should be addressed--not learning "how to fight".
Has anything changed over the past few months that have caused her to react like that?
Are her feelings for you the same as how you feel about her? Sounds like there may be some unhappiness on her end but without both of you sitting down and having a heart-to-heart converstion, neither of you will learn how to fix this.
Yes, she always tells me how much she loves me. And we talked about this communication problem a few times, she told me she also doesn't like it when I get pissed for random unimportant things. She said she doesn't really know what to do then. That she tries to talk at first about the problem and when she doesn't reach through to me she just shuts up because she thinks maybe silence helps. But of course it doesn't help at all. I would prefer if she would just act normal when I'm pissed, like if nothing happened, so I can calm down. And she said when she gets pissed she sometimes would need something from me, just a hug or some nice words and everything would be okay again. I don't know if that really will work. We both seem to get pissed for stupid things and I don't know why. She also said for her it's not really a big deal, she said she loves me even with my flaws and although she doesn't like that side on me it wouldn't be a reason for her to break up. She wants to work on it. I don't know if people can change...
And no, I don't think that anything changed over the past few months.
I've never heard about learning "how to fight". Looks like communication is the problem here. When these trivial things come up, do either of you talk it out? What is it that sets her off so quickly? Maybe it's more anger management or "how to cope" with things that should be addressed--not learning "how to fight".
.
That's what's meant by "learning how to fight".
In other words, there are certain things that are never going to be conducive to a successful outcome. Couples must learn the basic ground rules of communication, especially before big discussions or hot topics come up.
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