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This is all you have to do. Just casual, neighborly chit-chat. Don't think of it as being about getting a gf. Just practice coming out of your shell, and chatting to pass the time with people. Young and old, male and female, just practice a little friendly banter with someone in the store check-out line, your seat-mate just before class begins, ("Hey, what do you think of the professor/the current assignment/this course"? ) Ease into it. Easy does it. When that becomes second-nature, kick it up a notch, and practice the same skill with women your age. It's just friendly banter, it's not a marriage proposal, or even a request for a number. It's just about getting comfortable talking to women, and observing how they respond.
That's how you get started. Report back to us after you've been doing this a few months and feel comfortable with it (or have questions/concerns). After awhile, you get used to it, and it becomes kind of pleasant. Even fun (you'll run into some interesting personalities out in the world, and will maybe share some laughs. It brightens everyone's day.)
And even if I manage to get a girlfriend what do I do next?
wow, really?
why do you want a girlfriend? whatever your answer is; its what you do next with her.
@anyrate, cold approaches amongst strange women (you know absolutely nothing about) is difficult, @best. I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said, so good luck in your endeavor
I don't see why everyone acts like the midwest is like this. I've grown up in Michigan and also lived in Kansas and Florida. I had better luck meeting good quality women in Michigan and Kansas than I did in Florida.
I think a big problem that people have with cold approaches is realizing what to do. A lot of the PUA stuff that you might see could work, but a lot of that information is also geared to meeting women in clubs. In my opinion, the best thing you can do is simply start conversations with people. Don't start a conversation with a girl with the idea that you need to get in her pants, instead just start an every day conversation.. about literally anything. Talk and go from there. If she's open to conversation, ask her for her number OR ask her to go out and grab a drink with you on the spot. You'd be surprised how effective that is.
It might not hurt to look up some pickup artist stuff online, a lot can be great information.. but remember to do everything subtly and not be an over the top dude.
I'll try that, but doesn't PUA backfire sometimes?
If you do try it, don't get all bent out of shape if you don't get a number. Just move on to the next instance. You don't know if she's in a relationship, coming out of a bad break-up and not ready to be sociable, maybe tired or stressed, etc. And not everyone's going to be compatible with/interested in you, and you're not going to be compatible with everyone. Take a light attitude towards it, like it's all a big experiment. Don't hang your entire self-esteem (or any of it!) on each little chat or approach.
This is so important. It's the next step that follows "get comfortable making conversation with anyone before you try approaching a woman for a date".
Once you are more comfortable conversing, there still aren't guarantees that any woman you approach will be receptive, available, or interested, and even though it may feel like a personal rejection, it isn't. No one is obligated to give you the time of day simply because you want it, so when you do approach, you have to let go of any expectations you have - be outcome independent.
I'll try that, but doesn't PUA backfire sometimes?
Doesn't backfire at all if you use it in a normal way. I use PUA all the time, however there's not one hint of my demeanor in person that would resemble your stereotypical PUA. Use the information there and work it to your advantage. Don't use it as a guide, but just a way to better yourself in talking to people.
If you do try it, don't get all bent out of shape if you don't get a number. Just move on to the next instance. You don't know if she's in a relationship, coming out of a bad break-up and not ready to be sociable, maybe tired or stressed, etc. And not everyone's going to be compatible with/interested in you, and you're not going to be compatible with everyone. Take a light attitude towards it, like it's all a big experiment. Don't hang your entire self-esteem (or any of it!) on each little chat or approach.
Rejection doesn't bother me. I've been rejected twice and it didn't hurt me. I know I won't be every woman's cup of tea.
First step is to engage a women in a conversation about ANYTHING other then what you wrote. Just get her talking to you and keep it going. You'll be able to generally tell if she is interested. Women really can't hide it well. If she acts a bit nervous and I'm not talking to "this guys a freak kinda nervous" If she smiles, messes with her hair, moves her feet around if she's sitting, touches your arm or makes a gesture towards you, leans closer to you........she's interested. Then, you go from there. Find something common to talk about and let it ride. DO NOT JUST COME OUT ASKING FOR NUMBERS OR DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND. That will scare off and creep out 99% of women. DO NOT EVER APPEAR DESPERATE. DO NOT EVER APPEAR NEEDY OR CLINGY. And most important show confidence with very little if any arrogance,
First step is to engage a women in a conversation about ANYTHING other then what you wrote. Just get her talking to you and keep it going. You'll be able to generally tell if she is interested. Women really can't hide it well. If she acts a bit nervous and I'm not talking to "this guys a freak kinda nervous" If she smiles, messes with her hair, moves her feet around if she's sitting, touches your arm or makes a gesture towards you, leans closer to you........she's interested. Then, you go from there. Find something common to talk about and let it ride. DO NOT JUST COME OUT ASKING FOR NUMBERS OR DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND. That will scare off and creep out 99% of women. DO NOT EVER APPEAR DESPERATE. DO NOT EVER APPEAR NEEDY OR CLINGY. And most important show confidence with very little if any arrogance,
I will only ask that now if I sense she's interested. I'm changing my whole approach with not just women but people as a whole.
I will only ask that now if I sense she's interested. I'm changing my whole approach with not just women but people as a whole.
This sounds good, OP! This sounds like progress.
And as several of us have said, keep it light, don't have any expectations. That'll help you keep the pressure off yourself. It's when you feel pressure to get a number, get some positive results, that you freeze or panic. It's supposed to be enjoyable.
And as several of us have said, keep it light, don't have any expectations. That'll help you keep the pressure off yourself. It's when you feel pressure to get a number, get some positive results, that you freeze or panic. It's supposed to be enjoyable.
Also, don't lie or make stuff up for the sake of conversation. Keep it natural and honest. If you truly DO want to know how to cook an eggplant without it tasting bitter, ask. If you hate eggplant, don't pretend to be interested in cooking one. N'est pas?
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