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LOL. I think all the men who were wondering elsewhere why some women tend to wait to have sex with guys they actually like need to read the OP's post 5 times in a row.
Anyway, I agree with everyone else. He wants booty! He doesnt have to feel for you to have sex with you.
He stopped before because he thought your feelings would get hurt, but when you contacted him and went out to dinner he took that as a sign you were now willing to just go with the flow. Don't engage, just move on.
So long story short, I had a few dates with some guy and really liked him, we had sex. However, he told me that he didn't feel the connection and we stopped talking since.
6 months later, I got a missed misdialed call from him at midnight. I suddenly got curious and wanted to know how was he doing. So I texted him. He texted back and said if i'd like to catch up we could.So we agreed to meet for dinner.
Dinner was fine, we talked about what we've been up to and he was totally being a gentleman.i found myself still had some feelings for him(Darn it).
The next day after the meeting, I texted him to thank him for dinner. He texted back saying that I looked beautiful, that if I'd like to meet again sometime he'd be up for it. But he's busy now and won't be availalbe for a couple of weeks. We live 20 munites away.
What gives? I can't figure out the ambiguity in his text. Should i give him the benifit of doubt or should i know better and just thank him and move on.
I'm no professional but here's my take on it.
It sounds as if he has an issue with intimacy, (intimacy is not sex). He doesn't mind hooking up for a night here and there, but he isn't going to get much closer than that. As long as you are available to fit in to his schedule he will dictate one and you have to accommodate it. He will not be available when you ask.
He may take you to dinner and out in public and that doesn't matter. You won't get two consecutive days in a row and it appears he only wants what is unavailable to him and he put you in that position when you gave up on him.
If he didn't feel the connection 6 months ago chances are he doesn't now. He was looking for a hook up. Busy for the next 2 weeks means he has other dates lined up .If those start fizzling out you may get a call to meet earlier than the 2 week time frame. I suggest you move on .
Its easy to convince yourself that it means something more, but in guy thinking - you have become and option. How long will you suffer knowing that you are just an option?
You deserve more than that, you will be left on the hook for later when HE feels like having sex, or something. Either way, you aren't getting treated with the kind of depth and regard that you would probably like.
I suppose there are women out there who this works for, maybe they operate the same way, they have lots of guys on the shelf, pick him up and examine him, play with him when they feel like it...then put him back on their old dusty shelf when they get bored...
I would hate that, I can't see how anyone would WANT to be part of a collection.
But back to your post, it does sound just like hes' testing you out to see if you are a potential collectible or not...only you know if thats what you want for yourself.
Doesn't if feel dissapointing to be hung up on someone and getting more attached only to be shelved, contacted when THEY feel like it, and then later get the news you always knew was true, that they have lots of other women they see, and you are just part of their booty call collection?
So long story short, I had a few dates with some guy and really liked him, we had sex. However, he told me that he didn't feel the connection and we stopped talking since.
6 months later, I got a missed misdialed call from him at midnight. I suddenly got curious and wanted to know how was he doing. So I texted him. He texted back and said if i'd like to catch up we could.So we agreed to meet for dinner.
Dinner was fine, we talked about what we've been up to and he was totally being a gentleman.i found myself still had some feelings for him(Darn it).
The next day after the meeting, I texted him to thank him for dinner. He texted back saying that I looked beautiful, that if I'd like to meet again sometime he'd be up for it. But he's busy now and won't be availalbe for a couple of weeks. We live 20 munites away.
What gives? I can't figure out the ambiguity in his text. Should i give him the benifit of doubt or should i know better and just thank him and move on.
I didn't see any ambiguity here, it is straightforward. He's busy for a few weeks but if you'd like to meet up, then you can. That's about the jist of it. He's a straight shooter.
My prediction is- the fact you slept with him already, well generally I don't have any hope. You gave yourself away fully to a man who feels nothing for you but maybe a spark the last time. A spark he'd like to investigate but again, my thinking is history will repeat himself. You'll be loose and he'll go for it and be reminded of why he didn't continue with you last go around. no connection
Connections develop through friendship and time. They build. Hopping into the sack before marriage, or even before that connection is very very mature, will usually end up with both parties feeling deprived.
Personally, I'd hope to learn from it, mend my ways, and let him go. Sorry that happened
I am thinking the same thing...it's a victim mentality despite the fact the fornication was willful on both ends. Oh well...
It's societal driven and reinforced so it's no surprise. I think those of us who pride themselves in taking responsibility for our own actions find this behaviour odd. Odd, but understandable.
Call it whatever you want used, "consensual", whatever.
The point is, the guy CLEARLY knows he has the upperhand.
He rejected her. She's more emotionally invested than he is.
Knowing that, why drag or string someone along just for the possibilities of sex if you know they are hurt, feel unresolved feelings and want more.
I call b.s. on the manipulative behavior. Midnight phone call, beautiful, call ya in 2 weeks? Show some Respect and leave the poor girl alone here, please? Talk about taking advantage and not owning up to some accountability for one's own actions.. A little bit of Mindfulness maybe?..
(I bet if it were your mom, sis or daughter you'd totally not be cool about his behavior) lol
Used would be if there was some kind of implication by the guy that he was interested in pursuing a relationship, but really just wanted to **** her.
I'm not sure if that's what happened here but there's definitely nothing used about two people hooking up if they're honest with each other about their intentions. Well, the condoms would be used afterwards , hopefully
But yeah I'm with you on being annoyed with some people's perception that a girl is "giving it up" by sleeping with somebody, its a mutual form of communication IMO. Personally if she's not just as into shagging me as I am into her, I'm not interested.. I'll find someone else who is!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
It's societal driven and reinforced so it's no surprise. I think those of us who pride themselves in taking responsibility for our own actions find this behaviour odd. Odd, but understandable.
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