How fast is too fast? (marry, family, children, advice)

[tao]

My husband and I got married five months after we met and we've been married four and a half years and we're still going strong. My parent got married five months after they met and were married 40 years, until the day my father died.

If it's right, it's right. How long you've known each other doesn't make as much difference as how well you know each other and how compatible you are (i.e. whether you have similar interests, shared values, a realistic outlook on the ups and downs of marriage, and a true commitment to making it work in good times and bad times).

[GreenMachine]

It's really best to spend a year with someone before getting married. At 3.5 months, you are just easing off the honeymoon phase, which is when you idealize each other and have sex three times a day.

Nothing wrong with getting engaged early. It shows he has honest intentions, but make it a long engagement and don't jump into wedding plans right away.

Greenie

[Luke29]

You might as well get married on national TV. This sounds like something that y'all trying to show off..........getting married in 3.5 months after meeting each other--->WHY, and FOR WHAT PURPOSE?

[shuke]

Originally Posted by tao

If it's right, it's right. How long you've known each other doesn't make as much difference as how well you know each other and how compatible you are (i.e. whether you have similar interests, shared values, a realistic outlook on the ups and downs of marriage, and a true commitment to making it work in good times and bad times).

One could also flip that around and argue, if it's right, it's right... and if that's so, then what's the rush?

[girleylips]

Originally Posted by Fiddlekitten

I totally agree, cohabitation! The gloves come off, the silver lining explodes! riiiip! pew! pow! woosh! wam! .... try eachother on. Recently on the heels of a divorce myself, I really don't think anyone can put their thumb on a "timeline" for when it's appropriate to start seeing other people, dating, kissing, sleeping with, living with, marrying, all and whatnot. Everyone is different.

You always want to keep in mind (even if its just lingering in the back of your mind) that you want to weed out whether it is him you are in love with, or the idea of being stable, and being with someone again that you love.
After a few months of living with him, you should have your feet planted firmly on the ground, the clouds lifting, to make a reasonable calculation of what the next step is, and where it is taking you.

I'm so happy for you that you found someone new you want to share your life with, I agree with the above posters. Eventually... good things happen to good people. And I think everyone deserves to be happy!

Worst case scenario... let him propose! wear the ring, move in, try him on, get your feet wet. Go with your gut instincts. If something is wrong you will feel it. And it's never too late to pack up if you're having second thoughts. Better to find out sooner rather than later, but mentioning you both being divorcees as well, I'm sure this is something you have already experienced firsthand.

Best of luck OP!

WOW i did NOT expect this answer from you...but to each his own i guess...

[Marlow]

What's the big hurry? If I'd married everyone I thought was "the one" 3 1/2 months after I'd met him I would have been divorced at least 3 times by now. Slow down--it's not a race.

[Marylandkitten]

Originally Posted by girleylips

WOW i did NOT expect this answer from you...but to each his own i guess...

...what did I say to offend you? hehe. I'm agreeing with 90% of the posters on here. in saying :

a) good for you for finding someone to be happy with
b) don't rush into marriage so closely to your last one
c) don't turn it into a crisis, let him propose, but draw out the engagement, live with him, try the 2 of you together and see if it's really what you want

*shrug* to each their own, aye.... but shouldn't everyone be open to possiblilties and on the same hand taking their time to be sure of what they feel is more long lasting than just an "in lust" rather the "in love" thing?

Your head will begin to balance out what your heart (or homones) are saying, in due time. Give it the time, and you have your answer, viola!

[Huckleberry3911948]

marriage means less than it used to. i would have a written marriage contract.
get dad on board get family on board, get the lawyer now not later. its not a romantic experience, although it might feel like one, its a legal experience.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by nativeDallasite

Both of us are recently divorced/going through divorce

We're both happy and confident people, we know ourselves very well, and we know what we want out of life...and that includes each other.

Didn't you feel the same way before the marriage that just ended?

[Twinkle Toes]

OMG! That is almost exactly what my friend said about her falling in love on the first date - they were both mature, confident adults who knew what they wanted out of life! Scary!!! Dallas honey - is your name Linda???