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Old 01-28-2014, 03:52 PM
 
Location: South Africa
24 posts, read 45,830 times
Reputation: 44

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Guys your advice would be appreciated. Every time I accept a drinks/coffee/dinner date, the guy will be talking about how sexy I am, how sexy my voice is etc etc. I try to steer the conversation into either finding out more about him as a person or letting him into my world to find out more about me. But it invariably goes back to sexual topics. This then makes me think I have wasted my time going on a date with a man who is just trying to get some before the sun rises. To what degree should I be prejudiced against a man who is telling me how attractive I am and asking questions like Mod cut: not PG13 Am I right to write these guys off - or am I kidding myself and men are just going to push the sexual agenda and it is no indication of their not wanting a relationship? To me, any sexually-tinged talk points to carnal hopes in a man - for that night alone. Have I got it all wrong? Thanks, perspective appreciated. I am one of those women men will call sexy in sackcloth, but why should it be touted as my sole virtue? I may be misunderstanding, please clarify thanks. What should I make of a man who focuses on my looks and seems to ignore the layered being under it all? Looks can disappear tomorrow. My girlfriends ask me the next date, how did it go with that guy you met and I always have the same answer - he just wanted sex so I've cut him off. Is there some sort of memo I've missed? Will men simply always be that direct? Sadly I am old-fashioned and want to be courted and for someone to explore the many dimensions of me.

Last edited by Mikala43; 01-28-2014 at 06:46 PM..
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Old 01-28-2014, 04:29 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,071 posts, read 107,036,480 times
Reputation: 115868
Yes, those questions should make you get your purse and go. It sounds like you need a better screening process before accepting these dates. Maybe try meeting guys through meetups, volunteering, clubs, activity groups, so you can get to know them first, and the right guy can see the old-fashioned down-to-earth girl in you. Good luck!
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Old 01-28-2014, 04:37 PM
 
Location: USA
30,559 posts, read 21,723,712 times
Reputation: 18837
I don't think questions like Mod cut: not PG13 have ever come up on any date me or any of my friends have been on in the US. Is this a common occurance in South Africa? I'm not sure you can compare the US and SA dating scenes as comparible. or can you?

Last edited by Mikala43; 01-28-2014 at 06:47 PM..
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Old 01-28-2014, 05:19 PM
 
Location: If I tell you, will you visit?
888 posts, read 1,096,549 times
Reputation: 981
I enjoy having a great conversation with a woman. The more intelligent, the more diverse her knowledge base, the sexier she seems to me. If she is physically attractive and has likely heard how sexy she is her whole life, I typically would tell her why or what makes her sexy to me, instead of just saying "You are really sexy." The other questions, I don't think would fit in a conversation I would have with someone on a first date.
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Old 01-28-2014, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,749 posts, read 10,337,770 times
Reputation: 7010
If some guy had said that to me, I would have left. It is highly disrespectful talk, and no, not all guys are that rude. You may not be screening dates well enough, or maybe somehow giving them the signal (maybe unknowingly) that is is appropriate to talk to you that way, or maybe your social setting condones it and you need to get to know other types of men.

BTW, I have always been told I have that sexy thing also, to the point that I try to downplay it with clothes/styling, etc. When I was dating, if a guy crossed that line, I immediately checked out - I'd just end the date. Plenty of times I was pursued with a sheepish apology, which I ignored. I have even called out strangers at bars on it. E.g. If I walk by and some drunken guy and his friends say some nasty thing they'd like to do, I'd turn around and say "why would you say such a thing to me?" One guy found me later that night and profusely apologized for his behavior.

The first thing is respect. If you can't get it at the start of a relationship, I'd say it's time to move on.
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Old 01-28-2014, 06:47 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,338,494 times
Reputation: 9636
OP, it's something I've dealt with in the past, and it can be frustrating when some men are unwilling to look beyond sex appeal or appearance and truly get to know me. Dammit. I'm f*cking awesome. Like, truly. Confirming if I like fellatio is a good topic of conversation, but one to be had after building a rapport or, preferably, developing a genuine connection. That's when the topic can be rather exciting. Otherwise, it's rather obvious what the other person is looking for or fixated on.

End the conversation/communication if it veers off in a direction you're not comfortable with. I've done it many times.
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Old 01-28-2014, 06:48 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,352 posts, read 34,466,848 times
Reputation: 73366
Let's keep it PG-13 please.
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Old 01-28-2014, 06:50 PM
MJ7
 
6,221 posts, read 10,688,107 times
Reputation: 6606
Hmm, perhaps I should purchase a server and create my own adult style city-data forum
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Old 01-28-2014, 06:52 PM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,040,111 times
Reputation: 2678
I am a firm believer that women teach men how to treat them. You have to decide if you are willing to be treated that way.
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Old 01-28-2014, 06:55 PM
MJ7
 
6,221 posts, read 10,688,107 times
Reputation: 6606
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
I am a firm believer that women teach men how to treat them. You have to decide if you are willing to be treated that way.
Like teaching a dog tricks?

Oh know, we have another dog trainer in here...
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