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By realizing that you really don't know if you may even be alive tomorrow. Carpe Diem. Live like it is always your last day on earth. Live for today ONLY. Not the future, not the past.
I used to worry a lot too. So I don't take risks. That's why I was a 40 yr old virgin. But I realize
I missed a lot because of my own fear. Passing opportunities maybe even possible good relationships all because I was always cautious.
I risked getting married to my husband after only dating for 2 months. We just passed our 1st wedding anniversary but it was and still is a REAL roller coaster ride. Sometimes I like it. sometimes I don't. But I am happy most of the times and marrying him and taking risk with everything with him has made my life way waaay better than I was cautious.
Throw caution to the wind but just ALWAYS be ready for what life will throw at you.
UPDATE:
You were divorced twice already? I though you are college aged guy. Well ya being divorced twice may play a BIG role on why you think like that. I may Add then for you to think why it happened to you twice. Because you obviously are the common factor on both failures.
You have different attachment styles. Try to put yourself in her shoes to find out how she feels about your pit bull style and adjust accordingly. Most of all, let her lead her life on her own terms and take some pressure off her.
That's a good idea, thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jameshardin
I think the best route is to talk to her about your feelings, and your reactions when you feel that something is wrong. I have lost numerous relationships over this, whenever I feel that something is wrong, I can't let it go.
It sounds to me as if you might have a problem with anxiety in general (I am diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, so I don't mean that as an insult). I still get this way, and luckily, my wife is understanding.
Open communication is key. Having someone who is willing to reassure you that everything ok is also key.
Yeah, that could be a potential issue. I rarely go to the doctor so I haven't talked to one before about anxiety, but the more I think about it the more I think it's a possibility that I could struggle with that because I see other areas where it might rear it's head too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
Buy the girl some flowers and give her a big hug when you see her next.
If you can't figure out what to say or do, this is a time-tested patch kit for relationships.
I had actually bought her flowers the morning of the day this stuff kind of started...
Quote:
Originally Posted by meaning
How can I correct my thinking?
By realizing that you really don't know if you may even be alive tomorrow. Carpe Diem. Live like it is always your last day on earth. Live for today ONLY. Not the future, not the past.
I used to worry a lot too. So I don't take risks. That's why I was a 40 yr old virgin. But I realize
I missed a lot because of my own fear. Passing opportunities maybe even possible good relationships all because I was always cautious.
I risked getting married to my husband after only dating for 2 months. We just passed our 1st wedding anniversary but it was and still is a REAL roller coaster ride. Sometimes I like it. sometimes I don't. But I am happy most of the times and marrying him and taking risk with everything with him has made my life way waaay better than I was cautious.
Throw caution to the wind but just ALWAYS be ready for what life will throw at you.
UPDATE:
You were divorced twice already? I though you are college aged guy. Well ya being divorced twice may play a BIG role on why you think like that. I may Add then for you to think why it happened to you twice. Because you obviously are the common factor on both failures.
Actually I was only married/divorced once, and I suppose perhaps I am still college age (I'm in my mid/late twenties and am currently an undergraduate in college - late bloomer!) so you're not exactly wrong. The girl I dated before I met my ex-wife put me through the ringer with her infidelity so I think that contributes to my insecurity, and then my ex-wife often made me feel like I was doing something wrong when I really wasn't so over the course of a few years I believe I may have been conditioned to fear that I'm doing something wrong all the time.
It sounds to me as if you might have a problem with anxiety in general (I am diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, so I don't mean that as an insult). I still get this way, and luckily, my wife is understanding.
After doing some research I've decided to schedule a long overdue appointment with a doctor (I haven't been to one in about six years) to discuss anxiety with him because I think it's more than just a possibility now. Going over some of the symptoms that are described I'm pretty convinced (and for the record: I'm typically the opposite of a hypochondriac) that this may be the case for me, but I'll wait for a doctor to confirm or deny that.
If this is the root of my turmoil when it comes to issues like what I created this thread about, then I would really like to do something about it because I can see how it would affect me in other areas of my life too.
After doing some research I've decided to schedule a long overdue appointment with a doctor (I haven't been to one in about six years) to discuss anxiety with him because I think it's more than just a possibility now. Going over some of the symptoms that are described I'm pretty convinced (and for the record: I'm typically the opposite of a hypochondriac) that this may be the case for me, but I'll wait for a doctor to confirm or deny that.
If this is the root of my turmoil when it comes to issues like what I created this thread about, then I would really like to do something about it because I can see how it would affect me in other areas of my life too.
Man, you have no idea how happy seeing this made me. I am a typical man, always avoiding the doctor. I struggled for over 10 years with anxiety and depression before having a really honest conversation with myself, and realizing that I need some help. Its not your fault, its not something you can control. I am so so happy you are going to talk to someone who can help. I can honestly say that my life is completely different now than before I sought help. Do I still have stress and anxiety at times? Yes, but thats life, and unavoidable. I can say that I am much happier and fulfilled.
Your comment truly made my night, and gave me a lift that I needed.
My girlfriend and I haven't been together too long, we have been dating for about two months or so and things have been really great. We're both on the same page with just about everything, especially our relationship and the fact that we're taking it seriously and want it to last indefinitely. I feel like we had a bit of a hiccup, the past week or so, I've just felt a little off. Nothing to do with her or our relationship, just on a basic, existential level, I've felt kind of in a funk. We hung out a few days ago and I was particularly quiet, it was almost like the link between my brain and my mouth was damaged and I was having a difficult time engaging in much conversation. Well, that threw my girlfriend off since I'm usually very conversational with her, and basically our day turned out much differently than she had hoped. This ended up kind of throwing her off ever since and she's been kind of distant.
Unfortunately for me, when something seems wrong I have a tendency to latch on like a pit bull and dig until I figure out what's going on. This insecurity, if you will, just kind of pushed her farther away. I realize that my fears will just turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy if I don't figure out how to relax and just be myself, I just feel like I don't know where to start.
Part of me wonders if the origins of this have anything to do with the fact that her roommate and her boyfriend broke up last week. I kind of wonder if perhaps that situation showed me I'm not in control of everything and that planted a seed of fear in my mind that the same thing could happen to my girlfriend and I? I don't know, maybe somebody wiser than I can tell me if that's a possibility or not?
I'm absolutely crazy about this girl, I know we haven't dated long and traditional wisdom says we're still getting to know each other—which is true—at the same time though, I've already fallen for her. I know she feels deeply for me too, she's just a little more careful because she's dated some awful guys in the past, and I completely accept and understand her caution.
My question is, does any one know some basic steps I can take to ease my mind and get myself back to normal so that our relationship can continue progressing like it was before?
Thanks!
Let her read this post!
Communication is the key. Lack of communication is the reason why relationships don't work out. People think one thing, say another and someone gets hurt.
If you can't say it to her face, write it out in a note. Explain your problem. Explain that you're crazy about her. And things will be ok.
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